Good Trip, Bad Trip, Good Trip
LSD
by Skrik
Citation:   Skrik. "Good Trip, Bad Trip, Good Trip: An Experience with LSD (exp113621)". Erowid.org. Sep 27, 2019. erowid.org/exp/113621

 
DOSE:
105 ug sublingual LSD (blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT: 130 lb


To preface this trip report, I'm writing this about a year after the actual trip happened, so I'm sure some details have gotten lost or mixed up in my mind, but I remember the trip quite well regardless.
I'm sure some details have gotten lost or mixed up in my mind, but I remember the trip quite well regardless.


To give you an idea of my setting, I was 18, living in a cold, Northern US state in the chilly fall with some family members, the only drug I was familiar with was weed, which I had just started smoking about a year beforehand and smoked daily. I had become curious about psychedelics and LSD around the age of 16 and had been researching them and reading reports for a long time.

I had finally gotten a hold of some legit Voidrealms and was mentally prepared, or so I thought. In retrospect, I should not have tripped yet. For some background, I struggle with clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder which makes things like this difficult.

My sister, A, the person I was most comfortable with in the house and the only one I could really talk about tripping with, had left with her husband and kids and would end up being gone for a few hours, leaving me alone with her friend, B, and his girlfriend, C, who were crashing over for a while, but were complete strangers to me at the time.

I woke up that morning around 8am. I had been planning to have my first trip today at noon and I was giddy with excitement. I ate a healthy egg breakfast, took a shower, dressed in my favorite comfortable clothes and passed the time listening to music, mostly.

Then, finally, it was time. I pulled out my tinfoil stash and sat down at my computer. I was becoming increasingly nervous, but my excitement to finally experience the psychedelic I've been wanting to try for years outweighed this anxiety. I could hardly contain it. I was shaking, bouncing my leg almost uncontrollably, my heart was beating quickly. I took some deep breaths, then pulled off one tab from my small strip of Voidrealms and walked to the bathroom. Standing in front of the mirror, I admired the trippy, rainbow-colored art on both sides of the tab before carefully placing it on my tongue. I cautiously waited to see if any bitter taste presented itself, and when it didn't, I moved the tab under my tongue. Now, we wait.

I walked back to my room and sat at my computer. I opened a chatroom I was in with some friends and told them what I was doing and they told me to keep them informed.

Probably 10 minutes or so had passed by now. Searching through my music collection for a good album to guide me through my trip, I started to feel very cold and began shivering. This wasn't exactly abnormal at this time of year in my state, especially since my room had a particularly drafty window right behind my computer chair. I turned my little space heater on and put it next to my feet and continued searching. I settled on Walking with Strangers by The Birthday Massacre. I put my headphones on, fired up my favorite game at the time, Killing Floor 2, joined a server and started the music. I still remember, it was the Halloween event map, Monster Ball. I said something alone the lines of "Dropping acid for the first time, let's see how this goes" to my teammates. "Uhh, I dunno if I'd play this game on acid, dude.", a teammate replied. About 15-20 minutes must have passed by now and I was starting to feel 'off' by this point. My teammate's statement gave me a vague feeling of paranoia, but I pushed it aside in my mind and focused on enjoying myself.

Colors were starting to become noticeably a bit brighter and more vibrant, and hearing my favorite song off of the album, 'Kill the Lights', felt almost orgasmic to my ears. The music sent chills over my entire body. It was like the feeling of hearing your favorite song for the first time. I was still playing surprisingly well and had yet to die. By the time the second song, 'Goodnight', was over, I was starting to feel the trippy headspace effects. I remember telling my teammates something like "Okay, I'm starting to feel weird. This is crazy". The bliss started to become clouded by my own anxiety over the new feelings. Rather than letting go and letting it happen, I made the classic mistake of fighting and clinging to my sober consciousness.
The bliss started to become clouded by my own anxiety over the new feelings. Rather than letting go and letting it happen, I made the classic mistake of fighting and clinging to my sober consciousness.
I could tell things were going south. Sure enough, I told my teammate he was right and that I couldn't play anymore. I left the server, minimized the game and went back to the chatroom. I told everyone that I was really starting to trip and felt weird. I distinctly remember the feeling of my fingers touching my keyboard. It felt almost...sticky? Despite the fact that I always keep my mouse and keyboard clean to an almost obsessive level. It's hard to describe now. It felt like my fingers were melting into them as I typed, and as if they would stick to my fingers when I pulled my hands away. I looked down at it and noticed how they were noticeably breathing and drifting around. I looked back up at the screen and was sure I was tripping by now. Everyone could set their own font color in the chat, and they were all so bright, distinct and vibrant by now. It was like a neon light show just watching the chat messages go by. I tried typing something about this, and it looked like the characters were floating and drifting away from the chat box. I started laughing, starting to enjoy myself again. I looked around my room and found that everything looked like this, as if it were all under a runny, thick, see-through layer of oil or something. Everything looked somewhat cartoonish and 'underwater', if that makes sense.

Just as I thought everything was better, I looked out my window and saw that my sister's car was gone. This is when I remembered that they were leaving for a few hours today. Suddenly, the paranoia of being alone hit me. I felt a pit in my stomach. I tried ignoring it and convincing myself I was fine, but kept getting caught in paranoid thought loops over being alone while tripping. Then, to throw a match on the fire, I heard a knock at my room door. I froze up and tried not to make any sound. "Hey, you there?" It was B. I know him better now, but at the time he was a complete stranger to me. What did he want? Why is he knocking on my door now? Surely he's going to try to kill me now that everyone else is gone so he can rob us. Paranoid thoughts like this flooded my mind. My heart was racing. I put my hand to my chest and felt it. Big mistake. I suddenly became convinced I was going to have a heart attack. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, I desperately tried to calm myself down. It didn't work. I made the classic beginners mistake. I took out my phone and dialed 911. "Uh, yeah, I think I need an ambulance?? No, I don't know, I just think I'm dying. I'm gonna have a heart attack. Uh no, I don't know why. Please help. I'm scared.". I imagine the call went something like that, though it's a blur by now. I hung up and frantically hid my stash, then clumsily tried putting my shoes on. Fuck, why did I have to wear high tops? Why couldn't I have slip ons? It took what felt like 20 minutes, but was probably more like 2 or 3, to finally get my shoes on and get them tied.

I walked outside and sat in the driveway, waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Looking around, I noticed that the visuals still weren't too crazy but were definitely still ramping up. Colors were a bit more vibrant, anything I focused on breathed and drifted. It was beautiful, but it wasn't enough to distract me from my terrified, paranoid headspace yet. The paramedics arrived and started asking me questions about my condition. I ended up telling them that I just smoked a bunch of weed (I had a medical marijuana card, so I knew I couldn't get in trouble for that cover story) and was freaking out. They took me into the ambulance and took my HR and BP, the usual. They started asking me what today's date was, my date of birth, etc. and I started becoming very confused. I knew that I could answer these things, but every time I tried I was thrown into another thought loop. I don't remember how, but I finally managed to answer all of their questions through all of the slow 'um..'s and awkward silent pauses.

I remember looking out the back window of the ambulance as we drove to the hospital and becoming entranced. The visuals must have been nearing their early peak by now. Everything was so bright and colorful. It was like a cartoon almost. I couldn't even explain why or how it was so beautiful now, but I was in awe. I couldn't stop staring, until we finally arrived at the ER. I got out, thanked them, and went to the waiting room.

It was around this point that everything changed. I remember looking around me, looking down at my black jeans and just noticing all of the little specs of color on it from lint, dust, or gravel and whatnot and how vibrant and noticeable they were against the dark black fabric, and the way they all drift around when I look. An overwhelming calmness and sense of relief washed over me. I remember thinking exactly, "Wait, this is fucking cool!" and walking up to the receptionist and asking, "so, can I just like, leave?" She confirmed that I could and I called a taxi back home.

As I stood outside, I remember being so completely happy and content with everything. I had an entirely new appreciation for everything that I took for granted previously.
I had an entirely new appreciation for everything that I took for granted previously.
It was a beautiful, chilly fall day. Everything was so colorful and vibrant. I remember looking at a nearby tree and thinking that it looked like I was inside a painting. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face if I tried. I remember a woman walking up to me and asking me to hold her soda while she put her purse on her other shoulder. I obliged and remember thinking to myself how good it felt to help someone out. My cab arrived and I got in and started my ride home.

The driver exchanged some friendly small talk with me and again, I stared out the window and became almost entranced with the beauty of everything. I remember hearing the driver's walkie, something about someone else needing a ride from the ER after me, and thinking about how we're all in this together. We're all connected. Everyone is just their own separation of consciousness making its way through the same world. This made me feel very happy, and I remember trying to send good vibes to the other ER dude.

The taxi dropped me off at home, I paid and thanked them and then walked back inside. Everyone was back home now and my sister was cooking dinner. She asked if I was okay as I'd been gone for a while, and I just said something vague along the lines of "Couldn't be better", a dumb smile still on my face, and headed back to my room. I remember everything looking like a living, moving painting. The steam coming out of the pot on the stove, the patterns on the counters, the tiles on the floor, the wood walls, everything was breathing and flowing together like a big, abstract pastel painting. It was beautiful.

I sat back down at my computer, and opened Killing Floor 2 again, joining a server and starting the music where I left off.
The first song to play on the CD after I started again was 'Unfamiliar'. "..It's all coming back to me..." I distinctly remember when the chorus hit, feeling like it was so perfect to my situation, as if it were made for this exact moment, narrating my trip. Earlier I was spiraling into a bad trip, freaking out, but now it's all coming back to me. It felt blissful.

The game looked insane by now. EVERYTHING was waving, drifting, melting and breathing on my screen and the colors were so bright and vibrant, it was like I could /feel/ them just by looking at them. The Halloween event/map couldn't be more perfect for it, either. For reference, if you've never played it, it's basically this super colorful, Halloween rave party map. Glowsticks everywhere, fog, a dancefloor room complete with rave music, lasers, and a lit-up dancefloor. I couldn't stop gushing about how fucking cool everything was. I remember getting into a discussion about acid with one of my teammates, but I don't really remember what all was said. Oddly enough, I felt like I played 10x better than sober or just stoned. Its like I knew my goal, and I knew exactly how to achieve it. Aim for the head, keep moving, don't get cornered. It's like my brain was programmed to win this game and not get killed. I top-scored and probably played better on that trip than I ever have before.

After a while of playing and finishing the album, I decided I should eat something. I got some apples and water from the kitchen and took them back to my room. It tasted amazing. I can't even describe how good it feels to eat fresh fruits while tripping. Usually I crave junk food like pizza and chips and candy while stoned, but unhealthy things seem awful on acid. While eating, I got the overwhelming urge to write down all of my gained knowledge and epiphanies for my sober self to remember after I come down. I couldn't let this all go to waste and be for nothing. I filled at least 3 pages in my notebook, but I've since lost the notebook. I do remember that a big one was that I was struggling with anorexia and seriously underweight at the time, and that moment was what drove me to recover finally (I'm still on the low side but doing a lot better now).

I finished my fruit and went back to Killing Floor 2. This time I put on Loveless by My Bloody Valentine. I distinctly remember getting this feeling through the early and late comedown. It was almost a 'liquid' feeling in my head, if that makes sense? It's as if I could feel it slowly draining out of my brain and down my body and spine in waves. It was very weird, but not at all unpleasant. The visuals seemed to slow down for a bit, and then hit me again suddenly in waves.

The album sounded fucking beautiful. Something about shoegaze on acid is just so right. It felt like I was drowning in the dreamy reverb-y walls of guitar and distortion, in a good way. I reflected a lot on my trip, and my place in life in general, and became very emotional. I just cried through a lot of it, but not in a bad way. Just a cathartic, "I needed this" kind of crying. My face was soaked with tears and everyone else in the house was asleep by the time the album was over. I felt like I'd been through so much, it seemed like an eternity ago that I'd put that tab on my tongue.

I was so glad I finally tried LSD. It was honestly a life changing experience. It's still one of the most beautiful days of my life to this day. I've had many, many trips in the year or so that's passed since then and I'm hoping to try DMT soon. I don't regret any of it. My biggest word of advice from this trip is something that's been said a million times before, but is absolutely crucial: make sure your set and setting are comfortable and safe. Don't trip around strangers. Don't trip completely alone for your first time if you're prone to anxiety. And always remember that even when things go bad, you can pull yourself out of it and have an amazing experience. Never just assume "this is it, I'm having a bad trip".

Exp Year: 2018ExpID: 113621
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 18 
Published: Sep 27, 2019Views: 1,060
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LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Glowing Experiences (4), Depression (15), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), First Times (2), Various (28)

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