DOSE:	.75 tablets	oral	LSD	(blotter / tab)
			Pharms - Diazepam

BODY WEIGHT:

160 lb

So this trip was not fun at all. This was my second experience with something as intense as acid, and from my friend's batch of really strong shit. Before this, I'd only done acid once, DXM once, and weed a few times. It happened about 2 years ago. I was on the medication buspirone at the time, and started the prescription a few days before this.

This was back when I was homeless in a shelter living in Brooklyn, and my best friend R at the time was hanging out in Staten Island. I traveled over there to this park that she and her partner C were tripping in. They were pretty deep into their trip. R offered me some of her acid, and I asked for like .75 of her super-dosed tab. What happened next, I was absolutely not prepared for.

We proceeded to make our way up a hill to some building where I went to the bathroom, and after that we started heading back to Brooklyn. Eventually we made our way to Bay Ridge. I remember we got off the bus after the Verrazzano Bridge, we went into a 7/11 and got some drinks I believe. By this time, I started to feel the acid kick in a bit, and I started feeling happy and energetic. I was skipping around a bit on the street. We made our way to this park next to the Belt Parkway. We stayed there for a while, hanging out.

Eventually R's partner C left us alone, because he wanted to go home, and they were both coming down from their trip. We were just hanging out talking about various things. I think I remember talking about ADHD and R's adderall use a bit. Also about how she liked to microdose acid some of the time to help get things done apparently. She was a much more experienced drug user than me at the time. I was still a novice to a lot of it.

I remember that we eventually went to sit down in the grass. During that time, I remember saying that I really wanted to kiss R. I have had a crush on her previously in the past, and she just ignored that, obviously because we wanted to stay friends. The acid just decreased my inhibitions I suppose, and then I started talking about how I felt that I felt like we were sisters. Eventually I remember getting cold and anxious, and wanting to go home, so we started getting up.

At this point the visuals started kicking in quite a bit. I started to get overwhelmed from them, especially from hearing the cars pass by. I would get really intense jitters from the overwhelming anxiety that the highway caused me. We started heading back, but the anxiety just kept getting worse as I kept coming up. At one point, R sat down in the middle of a field outside the park and snorted some ketamine. She offered me a line, but I refused, thinking that I was on enough drugs already, and I was not prepared to try a new drug in that state. In retrospect, taking it might have been a good idea, as dissociatives can help with anxiety.

So after that, she packed her stuff back up and we started walking out of the park. I remember seeing the ramp we were walking up bending and twisting a lot, and this got me more anxious. Walking did as well. I felt like I was extremely high on weed, and on the verge of having a panic attack.

We left the park and got into the street. We were trying to get home, which was over in Park Slope, but that quite a ways away. We decided to try to walk it. In retrospect, that was probably a bad idea, but also who knew what would have awaited us in a bus station late at night. Probably not too much, but who knows.

Anyway, we were walking by some people outside of a bar, who were obviously very drunk. I was afraid of them, and I tried holding R's hand. Because we were both girls, I felt like the drunk people were judging us, and I was insanely worried about that. I am not sure if they actually said it, but I thought I heard them say "look at those f**s", or something along those lines. Immediately, I started panicking a bit in my mind, and I turned down the street on the left. I started becoming less and less connected to reality, and was losing awareness of my sense of self. I remember seeing a bunch of really flowy closed eye visuals probably, but I didn't even know what eyes were at the time. I just thought that my memory was lapsing.

I felt really panicky, and I tried listening to my heart. I was having lapses in memory, and I had no idea what was going on. I started trying to feel my heartbeat, and I assumed I was having a heart attack. After that, I got increasingly more delusional about it. At one point I ran into some random person on the street, and R explained to him that I had just taken acid and that I was just having a bad reaction to it, but I didn't know that at the time. I just kept getting more and more psychotic and delusional. R tried to assure me that I was fine and that I was just on drugs, but I kept thinking that I was dying, and that I had to go to the hospital. I didn't trust her. I thought she was ignorant of my calls for help and that I was dying. I got increasingly more agitated and anxious about it. I had hallucinations and heard a pinging sound which scared me even more and made me assume that I was dying. I saw red flashes around my vision. I remember screaming in the street, running around in this suburban area. R was extremely concerned about me, and tried to help me as best as she could, but I wouldn't listen. I kept arguing with her about the Good Samaritan Act, and saying that they couldn't arrest me for this. I fought with R over my purse and my own things. I would keep running around trying to signal to someone to help me. I thought that no one cared, but I had to make people care. I remember banging on the doors of random houses, trying to get them to call 911. Eventually, someone did, and thank god they took me to the hospital instead of to jail. While people were talking, I was paralyzed with fear and sure that I was dying. I was put in an ambulance, and R left to go on her own adventures, which I can't blame her for. I felt like this experience put some distance between us. It was probably somewhat traumatizing for her. I was taken to the hospital and given some pills that stopped me from tripping. I remember feeling incredibly judged by everyone there. They were all laughing at me, and I think someone misgendered me and I got really focused on that, but they probably gave me some valium and I was just not really caring about it anymore. I just wanted to leave.

Eventually, sometime in the morning, they discharged me. I got back to my shelter after a long night, wishing that none of this had ever happened. I hadn't talked to R for a bit after this, and I suspected she just didn't want to talk to me anymore because I was unstable. A lot of it was probably just my paranoia and untreated mental health problems, because she had been through some shit too, and she was probably just not a very reliable person because of her problems as well.

Anyway, this trip cost me a lot of things. I lost my purse, and thus my wallet because of this trip, and I had to recover quite a few documents over the course of the next months. I tried to go back and retrieve my stuff the next day, but most of it was missing. I was able to recover some things that I lost in that area, though. I think I lost a few dollars from it, but nothing too bad.

The trip itself was rather traumatizing though. I just fought the experience so much, and I kept trying to control it, and everything around me, but it just lead to me getting admitted to the damn hospital. At least afterwards, I did learn a lot about how to control myself when under the influence of substances. I did a ton of research on harm reduction, as I felt these drugs were great tools to help with healing and insight, and I wanted to utilize them the best that I could. During future trips, I was much better at dealing with the experience. I also learned to not trust doctors and hospitals and the authorities nearly as much as I did before. Intellectually, I am and was an anarchist, and I hated the police, but this experience, along with my previous acid trip, made me realize that none of them were to be trusted, and at most I should be skeptical of them if I need their services. Sometimes they can be good, but I should always take precautions with drugs that can induce ego death.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 113697
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Mar 14, 2020	Views: 907
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LSD (2) : Bad Trips (6), Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53)