DOSE: T+ 0:00	1 capsl	oral	MDMA	(powder / crystals)
T+ 0:00		insufflated	Cocaine
T+ 0:00	1 capsl	oral	MDMA	(powder / crystals)
T+ 12:00		oral	LSD	(blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT:

130 lb

A little background: I am a very type A, high-strung person. I am fairly extroverted, and became even more so after getting in shape and losing a lot of weight a few years prior. Drink socially, and my previous drug experience consisted of fairly regularly smoking weed and trying mushrooms approximately 2-3 times .

I was in the midst of a stressful semester in nursing school. I was living without a roommate for the first time and had been feeling quite lonely. I was chatting with a friend who I had met online a few years prior, but had never met in person (we live in different states). On a whim, he offered to use his frequent flyer miles to come visit me for a weekend so we could get out and have a bit of fun with some molly and acid.

Friday: My friend "Nick" arrives and after picking him up from the airport and grabbing dinner, we find a nightclub and get ready. I take my first capsule of molly- I know I took 200 mg total that night, but I'm not sure exactly how many mg the initial dose was. Nick also brought some coke, so we just do a tiny bit of that as well. We get to the club and Nick slips me a second, smaller dose.

It's maybe 20-30 minutes later, and I'm starting to feel a little nervous. I'm not feeling the molly yet, and being in a nightclub is a bit out of my element- yet here I am, wearing a tiny dress and heels, face-to-face with Nick for the first time after talking for years. The music picks up a bit, and Nick suggests we start dancing (something I rarely do around other people because I'm self-conscious and have almost no rhythm).

Suddenly, the lights swoop upwards in a way I'll never forget, and everything is different. It's like I'm an appliance that someone has finally plugged into the wall. I stop dancing for a second to stare at the lights, the bass of the music making me feel as if I’m conducting electricity through my bones and my skin. I kiss Nick repeatedly, his hands on my body feeling like no one else’s ever have before, and we start dancing again.

I felt like we were dancing for days. I could feel the sweat dripping off of me, but I didn’t care. I had somehow become the most beautiful and sexy woman in the whole club. I was convinced that everyone was admiring us dancing, and my heart felt so warm to see other people dancing and having fun around us. I danced like I never had before- to this day, I still wonder sometimes if I actually had rhythm that night or if the magic of the molly just gave me a temporary rhythm. Nick and I were all over each other, his hands creeping under my dress, me grinding my ass into him. At one point, a guy walked past us and said, “You two look so hot dancing together,” and I literally thought I was going to orgasm just from those words.

Nick had done molly many times before, so he helped me remember to drink water periodically, and reminded me to chew some gum, as I hadn’t even noticed how tightly I was clenching my jaw. A few times, I’m pretty sure I put my mouth to Nick’s ear and told him how fucking happy I was and how amazing everything was. Eventually it was 3 am, and Nick suggested we grab a car and start heading back home.

We got home, and got into bed together. I don’t know if it was the fact that I was coming down, or the awkwardness of sleeping with someone you’ve really just met, but I wasn’t feeling very turned on or sexual at this point. I wanted to focus more on cuddling, and I was starting to get mentally tired. We did fall asleep, but I woke up with the worst case of restless legs that I had ever had. I am already prone to restless leg syndrome on a good day, but this was by far the worst experience with it that I’d had. I had to get out of bed and pace around the apartment for a long time before my legs stopped hurting enough for me to fall asleep.

Saturday: We didn’t sleep long, but after waking up and having a light breakfast, Nick and I felt pretty good. He had brought acid with as well, another new experience for me. I don’t remember how many tabs he gave me, but it ended up making for an experience that was not too extreme. We took the acid and then started walking along the lakefront that I lived near (it is a major lake in a big city). The lakefront is open enough that we could keep from being too close to other people, and the scenery is beautiful.

We walked a few miles before I noticed small changes. The trees and the water had begun to look more vivid in color, the leaves on the trees more defined. The wind even felt different on my skin, almost like I was being tickled by a giant paintbrush. I stopped to look up at the sky, and it suddenly hit me that we were inside of a living, breathing painting. We continued to walk, while I felt absolutely mesmerized by the sky and the clouds and the leaves on the trees.

Suddenly, I was somehow back in a September day back in 2009. It was the day I had gone to an old mill by a river near my childhood home, taken an overdose of prescription pills, and waited to die. Somehow this spring day in 2018 was morphing into that fall day in 2009. Nick had warned me ahead of time that I might feel sad, but to just go with whatever feelings came up during the trip. I turned to him and asked if we could go sit under a tree; this particular tree just felt like where we needed to be at that very moment.

We sat down and I started to cry. It was as if these 2 days in 2 different decades had become one day , as if my emotions from that day of my suicide attempt were being pulled into this acid trip 9 years later. I sobbed as I tried to tell Nick how part of me was back in that day, but none of the words that came to my mind felt right. And it was as if the more I spoke, the more dark thoughts came pouring out of me, like leaks sprouting from a garden hose. I sobbed harder than I ever had before as I told Nick all of my dark secrets- about a sexual assault years prior, about my many years of mental illness and being sent to a group home as a teenager because my parents “couldn’t handle” me anymore, about the deep loneliness and stress I had been feeling. Nick just held me as we sat in the grass, shaking and crying. To this day, I have no idea how long we sat there, but I felt safe in his arms. We eventually started walking again.

The living painting effect continued for a few hours as we kept walking, eventually stopping in a park that hung over the lakefront, overlooking the city. The skyline looked like the most perfect city scene I had ever seen, and as Nick held me, I silently wept, feeling more alive and raw than I ever had before. Eventually, although I wasn’t hungry, I found myself wanting nothing but some chewy candy and my bed. We bought some taffy and headed home to lay in bed and watch Netflix. I couldn’t pinpoint any moment that the trip ended; it just felt like a gradual slowing of my senses until we fell asleep.

I drove Nick to the airport on Sunday and cried harder than I ever have before when saying goodbye to someone. As he walked into the airport, I told him that I loved him, although it was a feeling of love that I had never experienced before, and still never have to this day. It was almost as if we were connected in some deeper way than a friendship or even a romantic relationship; as if I had given Nick a small piece of my soul. When I got home that night, I wrote him a 14-page letter, describing every emotion I had felt that weekend, every thought I had, how grateful I was to him, and mailed it to him.

It’s been over a year since that weekend. I haven’t done any acid since that trip, and while I’ve done molly a few times since, both have been smaller doses with different people in different environments, yielding very different (but still amazing) experiences. However, I feel that this particular weekend changed me, between the molly and the acid. The boost in self-confidence, while slightly faded now, has mainly remained strong in me. My heart feels more open since that weekend- more capable of love, happiness, and strength. It was a life-changing experience that I will forever be grateful for having, and for having Nick to help me experience it.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 113799
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 29
Published: Jan 14, 2020	Views: 1,618
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LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Various (28), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Multi-Day Experience (13), Sex Discussion (14), First Times (2)