Citation: Sincerely Stoned. "I Had Fully Surrendered: An Experience with Cannabis & Controlled Breathing (exp113856)". Erowid.org. Dec 28, 2019. erowid.org/exp/113856
Mysticism From Marijuana
To start I will say that I am specifically interested in cannabis being used as a psychedelic drug and its potential for bringing spiritual, personal, and psychological growth and understanding of my world. To supplement my psychedelic usage I have been meditating, doing hardcore breathing exercises and practicing a technique called self-inquiry where you put your awareness upon your awareness. All of these enterprises have freed me from much anxiety, fear, existential depression, etc.. I feel amazing as my day-to-day baseline.
Friday in November, a week before the actual experience me, my friend Xtrodrinary, and my friend zanY (I'll call them X, and Y) came up with the plan that next Friday we would smoke some weed together and go sledding at some neighborhood parks and relax in Y’s car if necessary. I’ve smoked and had plenty psychedelic experiences. Y smoked mildly in the past but the last time was about 6 months previous. X had tried edible forms of cannabis mainly with one or two experiences with lightly smoking, reporting some more intense effects. So we get our pot ready for next week. I am doing some meditation, self-inquiry periodically and the “Wim Hof Breathing Technique” everyday a few days prior to the designated day for consumption. I’m feeling excited and relaxed with the intuition that I need to do heavy self-inquiry and the breathing technique whilst I’m intoxicated.
THE DAY OF
I woke up feeling well rested and ready to get a jump on the day. I did my breathing first thing when I woke up and got breakfast after. I gathered all my snow equipment that I’ll need to stay warm when I’m sledding and spent the first half of the day eating well and getting into the mindset of surrendering to the experience fully. The time comes around and X, and Y come pick me up and we’re headed to a park. The snow has been beautifully accumulating all day for 2 days in a row, the roads are unsafe and the speed everyone is going is about 50% of what the limit is. Once we get to our destination we get out and walk through the park to some dog walking paths that go further away from people and infrastructure. We find a nook behind a snow covered spruce tree as the fog and snow fall increases. I get the pipe bowl packed so we can smoke.
It was about 5:30 p.m. and the pipe we have is a little “one” hitter-chillum type pipe. I pack the bowl and hit it before passing it around, re-packing it with bud every time it gets empty. The three of us consumed an estimated 0.375 grams of cannabis total, each individually consuming about 0.125 grams.
We began hitting from the chillum around 5:40 after hitting the chillum a few times I noticed what can only be described as “receding behind ones vision” I felt hyper aware of my surroundings, all my senses seemed to be sharper and I felt very euphoric in my mind. We continued to pass around the chillum getting more and more stoned as time passed. Eventually I took a toke very deep and very large into my lungs and was thrown into a coughing fit which felt like it lasted 5-10 minutes when in reality it was probably only about 2-3. I was miserable while coughing deep inside my thought-accelerated, time-altered mind while heaving and gasping for air and eating snow to soothe my throat.
Approximately twenty minutes past when we smoked, around 5:50-6:00 or so we began the walk back to the car to get our sleds and go sledding. As soon as we started to head back I was doing the Wim Hof breathing method to stay warm in conjunction with going even deeper into reality whilst doing self inquiry and being very aware. As soon as I began to do these things I began to notice that I was anxious, and anxious about having anxiety, and feeling attached to the outcome of my situation. I was living in the future. I realized that the feeling of looking towards and thinking and predicting the future only happens in the present moment. I began to detach from my reality, I stopped what the Buddhists call “clinging” I was simply aware and furthermore aware that I was aware.
It was at that moment when language became impossible to describe my experience. Because I was aware of the linguistic process within myself and everything around me I can’t use language to describe the experience as it went “meta” it rose above languages ability to describe. A feeling of bliss and that “there is not a single grain of sand out of place”. Everything was exactly how it should be, invariably--because that was the way things were. “I” as a separate construct ceased to exist. I still knew my name, my phone number, who my friends around me thought I was, but I knew that the thing that I was identifying with before and that I am mistaken to be is not really myself, but an illusion. The egoic self was realized as a big cosmic joke and every single thing in my life that was wrong before this moment was not wrong at all. This moment even was not how I had previously conceived it to be. This moment was eternal in duration, time just like the ego, was seen as an illusion and disappeared, like walking through a ghost.
We finally made it to the hill and this is where things get a little hazy as far as what I was thinking and how I was feeling. We sled and eventually got cold so we went into the car to relax and sober up before we could drive home. The rest of what happened that night is trivial stuff compared to the peak so I will not get into it.
The fact that I had fully surrendered to my experience was what seemed to be necessary to have such a good time. In order for cannabis to be psychedelic I need to feel like I took too much, if I don’t, I didn’t take enough. Self-inquiry is something I need to practice more when sober to get to that state in a sober mind. Breathing seemed to contribute as well to the intensity of my experience.
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