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Relief Physically and Existentially
Ketamine
by ButtCuddler96
Citation:   ButtCuddler96. "Relief Physically and Existentially: An Experience with Ketamine (exp113869)". Erowid.org. Dec 10, 2019. erowid.org/exp/113869

 
DOSE:
  IV Ketamine

BODY WEIGHT: 220 lb


I have several health problems and after trying several pharmaceuticals and being failed by all of them, I decided to try something different. I already have medical cannabis but it did minimal for my pain and the relief was very temporary. I was spending half my check on pain relief to be able to work and function.

I thought to myself, what's a good natural antidepressant? Considering those are what's commonly used for Fibromyalgia and Neuropathy. I decided on magic mushrooms but due to legality discontinued my usage.

A nice Canadian gentleman recommended ketamine. Apparently, it's a widely available treatment for my condition up there. Despite the fact it costs an arm and a leg, I opted to receive ketamine intravenously through a clinic. The clinic is very therapeutic and they recommend conservative K therapy despite the fact it would benefit them otherwise.

I'll talk about my first infusion.

I am always nervous before psychedelics and during the come up before. I came in well rested and on an empty stomach. They administered Zofran to prevent nausea. It was intense and reminded me strongly of LSD. I panicked a little bit because all of my muscle became very stiff. An uncommon symptom but not so uncommon in people with nerve damage.

I called the nurse back because I was really freaking out. I was waving and yelling but no one heard me. Looking back I don't think I was yelling or moving I think I was already in the hole.

The nurse came and I was barely able to muster "is it normal to cramp up?" She replied "No, let me ask the doctor". They slowed down the IV drip. At that point I couldn't talk, move, or communicate. I was definitely in the K hole.

It's different from other psychedelics and not nearly as scary. There is no "other", no god or malevolent being to answer to. There is a connectedness but more so with myself. I felt as though I was only thing in the universe. I wasn't dead. I wasn't alive but I didn't care I felt absolutely okay with anything and everything.
I wasn't dead. I wasn't alive but I didn't care I felt absolutely okay with anything and everything.


I felt completely disconnected from my body. Like a little ball of energy moving through space and time. I could feel the pain leaving my body. I felt absolutely nothing and it was great. I actually love anesthesia but don't use it recreationally. I nodded off quite a few times. I felt sad a few times having to acknowledge the problems in my life.

The visuals are strong, wave like, and kind of chunky? Best way I can describe it. It's really of its own class.

Many recommend doing it alone. I beg to differ. I really wish I had someone with me my first infusion and my 2nd and 3rd went much more smoothly when I brought a trusted friend. I would only bring someone who I can tell anything to because I might say some crazy shit.

The pain relief lasted about a month and a half. The antidepressant affects lasted about 3-4 weeks. My pain still isn't as bad as it used to be. It's almost as if ketamine turns down the pain dial. I experienced profound forgiveness. I felt absolutely centered and balanced. I get along with my family better and I was finally able to travel after two years of being stuck in one state due to pain.

It's not side effect free. I'm ruining my love and kidneys, and bladder for a chance at relief. I did experience bladder pain after my last infusion
I did experience bladder pain after my last infusion
and in total of all the infusions combined I did less than 1g of ketamine. I am female and already had bladder issues that are undiagnosed but probably related to Fibro. I really considered if this is the drug for me and if the risks are worth the benefits. I was at my wits end and this was my last shot short of euthanasia.

I have not experienced menstrual issues with medical grade ketamine.



[Reported Dose: 1mg/kg/hr - 330mg total]

Exp Year: 2019ExpID: 113869
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 23 
Published: Dec 10, 2019Views: 2,511
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Ketamine (31) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Depression (15), Post Trip Problems (8), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Medical Use (47), Hospital (36)

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