DOSE: T+ 0:00		oral	Alcohol
T+ 3:00	20 mg	oral	4-HO-MET

BODY WEIGHT:

75 kg

First time into Psychedelia with 20mg 4 HO MET

I had my first "real" psychedelic experience 3 days ago on new years eve. I have taken a lot of DXM about 7 years ago, LSD 2 times (no visuals at all and a very mild mental effects both times) shrooms 1 time (very discret visuals and mental effects), salvia a couple of times some years ago (I got this terrible bodyload where it feels like thousands of needles are piercing my skin when I smoke salvia, so all of my trips have been me waiting the effects out). Considering this and the very little memories I got from these trips, I considered myself a psychedelic virgin going into the trip.

I have done a shit ton of research on 4 HO MET itself and psychedelics in general, spent hours reading trip reports and researching their mechanism of action (I am a very rational person, I usually need to know the why and the how). However for this experience I decided it would be better to put all of that aside, go with the flow, and let sober me do the usual rational things.

Set and Setting : new years eve, with my brother S and his girlfriend C, at their home. I drank some beers and a couple whiskys that night, I stopped drinking about 3 hours before taking the substance. I was kinda relaxed, a bit tired and in a good mood. I think I must add that I am a lightweight when it comes to psychoactive substances. Like impressively lightweight.

S is the most experienced psychedelic user, C took LSD a couple of times. S and I take 20mg, C around 12mg.

T + 0:00 (around 2am) : we drop the parachutes. I suggest playing a game of hockey on the xbox to wait out the come up.

T + 0:15 : I feel very energetic, a subtle feeling of anxiety is slowly creeping in. It is harder and harder to focus on the game, as everything else start to become much more interesting. I feel an urge to start dancing (we are listening to Keja Mackitek, mental kind of hard tekno).

T + 0:25 : BAM. Holy SHIIIT. There is what I can best describe as some kind of fracture in my mind. Like if the drug took a hammer and broke a window inside me. Nothing I read could have prepared me for that. Immediatly after that I start to feel tinglings in my stomach and legs. The anxiety also becomes more and more potent.

T + 0:30 : I try my hardest to rationalise the anxiety. I tell myself that it is just the fight or flight response against something entirely new and potentialy dangerous. I try to reassure this part of me, reminding myself that nobody ever died taking 20 mg 4 HO MET and that I have no history of mental illness in my family. The tinglings are ALL AROUND my body now, and they have a disgusting taste of salvia. I feel an urge to flee the situation. I go up to the bathroom. I am shaking and my heart is racing. I sit down and focus on my breath. I feel angry against myself to feel the need to choose the flight response (I have a couple etizolam pellets as a safety net, and I thought about taking 2mg).

T + 0:35 I can finally pinpoint the why : the salvia trips have conditioned my mind to hate these very strange and alien sensations. That's why my body NEEDS to flee the situation at all costs. I understand now : I have the power to associate all of this with good, funny and happy things. If I do that now, I know that the future come ups will have much less anxiety. And as soon as I tell that to myself, you know what ? I.fucking.calmed.down. My heart rate is still higher than normal, but I stopped shaking. I step down the stairs to the living room with a smile on my face, and the intent to enjoy this trip as much as I can.

T + 0:40 : After this interlude with my mind, I want to open up to S and C to see what they are up to. C definitely feels the come up too, but S feels absolutely nothing. We all find this very strange, so I suggest to smoke some weed to activate it or something. It did not help, he smoked 3 tokes, looked sad as we were already having uncontrolable giggles for nothing, and fell asleep. It will just be C and me then.

At this point things starts to become blurry. My memory of the experience is already getting thinner and thinner, I hope I won't forget to tell too much.

The first thing that started breathing was the television. The icons in the menu of the game were stretching in and out, then the television itself. I feel extremely stimulated, I cannot stay in place and I need to do something with my hands.

I ask C if she sees things breathing too, but she did not. I knew that I was going to be a few steps higher than her at this point. I take a blanket with me and start playing with it. I find it extremely humorous, and C too apparently, as we are laughing a lot about that. We will laugh about that a lot during the whole experience.

The tinglings now feels like they are spinning all around my body, as if I activated some kind of machinery, and these sensations were the motor of it. Everything around me starts feeling weirder and weirder, colored geometrical patterns start to appear on the walls. I close my eyes and some kind of blue and green aztek-like mask starts forming in the center of my vision. I feel like there is more to come but I just cannot focus on it, so I decide to stop and come back later (spoiler alert : I did not, and that's one thing I regret about this experience).

Every single walls and objects in the room are breathing independently now. My bodily sensations are getting always more organic. As everything around me is getting even more alien-like, I think I understand what this psychedelic experience is about now. I feel like I actually stepped into another dimension. And that's so cool ! I feel very grateful for this very special moment, and I thought "I hope I will remember that and find the words to describe it, it's something everyone should know about". I also remembered hearing mcKenna saying something along the lines of "some people think these trip reports are some kind of metaphor, but they are not" and hell yeah, you are absolutely right on this one Terence.

C notes that there are faces in their dog's bed. Hell yeah ! Let's have fun looking at things ! I immediatly see that one cushion looks like a very old fetus curled up on himself. There is also what looks like an eye from the album cover of Mutter by Rammstein. C points out that my subconsious must be super weird, and I actually find it very funny. I feel like it must be somewhat related to the music, as we are still listening to mental Tekno. I decide to change it, and after what seemed like an eternity of me bugging in front of a living phone, I put Nothing lasts by Shpongle.

Wew ! This really changes the whole feeling of the trip ! I had to reassure C about this choice (it is true that the begining of nothing lasts can be a little strange for someone who never listened to it), but she liked it as much as I did in the end. The music was not enhanced on an emotional level, but it felt like it was becoming an intricate part of the whole experience. The tinglings, the patterns on the walls, every single breathing objects and now the music were working together in this alien machinery taking on my mind. Going with the flow was the most blissfull part of this trip (I had no other choice at this point anyway).

C wants to look at paintings. Fuck yeah ! We examine a painting representing underwater flowers, kinda abstract in the choice of textures and colors. I first see faces everywhere I look. The flowers are expanding outward, revealing more faces inside them. I focus somewhere and see 2 womans kissing each other. There is also a very old carnival mask, forgotten on a bench, surrounded by dirt and spider webs. I ask C if she also sees the faces, and she tells me that she sees them appear as I go around them with my finger. Cool !

C goes back to the couch, and I still cannot stay in place more than 0.5 seconds. Periscopes of consciousness is playing, and I tell her the traduction of the lyrics, we laugh about that. I then tell her that Shpongle goes so well with psychedelics because it's Grand Daddy Flute-Man taking a lot of LSD and then telling a sound design genius what to do. Wich is not exactly the truth but it made sense lol. I look at a black hanging on the wall, and aztek-like patterns start forming rapidly. They keep getting bigger and bigger as I feel like my vision is entirely focused on them. The hanging is also bending toward me, and I feel like the patterns are trying to suck me in. Wew ! I stop focusing on it and try to tell C what happened. At this moment I also notice a small lamp right next to the hangin, that wont.stop.wiggling. Left right left right, looking like a small gnome-like creature. After that I won't stop noticing this wiggling everytime my vision cross this small lamp. If it had eyes I'm sure it would have winked at me.

We look at another painting, a purely abstract bunch-of-colors-together type of painting. This time C goes around a face and while she does, I clearly see the face becoming alive. It was very clear and HD with a lot of relief. I look closely and see a very beautiful jaguar face. I look at the whole painting and holy shit : it's actually a bizare train going to crash in some kind of coral reef. There is a sense of depth and I see underwater flowers moving independently. I try to tell that story to C but my mind is racing so fast my mouth cannot follow.

Back to the couch. C points out that the music make her feel like an hippie in the 60's. That's so true ! The vibe of the trip immediatly change to follow this story. Her face now looks like some kind of hippie hag. Talking about her face, her eyes were constantly moving in improbable directions, her nose expanding and her cheeks living a life of their own. If I focused, patterns also started to appear on her skin. At some point in the trip I also brought 2 stuffed animals that were sitting in a corner of the room. We were caressing and playing with them, and it just added to this improbable 60's vibe.

We played a game where we have to continue the drawing of the other when I felt like my mind was calming down a bit, that was an extremely interesting activity.

We talked and bunch and were looking at the paintings some more when I clearly felt that the effects were diminishing, around t+3. The come down was super mellow , I managed to do a little bit of introspective thinking (I did not feel any introspective vibe during the trip, even if I tried to think about something). We kept talking until around t+6, time when C decided to go to sleep. I did not feel tired at all, so I went for a little walk. I sat on a bench in front of some water. When I focused on the lights of the street lamps reflecting in water, they would start expanding and dancing, while the water flowing would take the form of horses or dragon. At around t+7 I fell asleep.

Wew that was one powerful experience ! This sensation of machinery going on was really what struck me the most. The visuals were interesting and beautiful indeed, but the mental stimulation really impaired my ability to focus on anything. I will let some time pass before my next experience, but I really want to try this compound in nature. I like how bad thoughts are easily pushed away, and the little introspection does not bother me for the moment. I will certainly try more mental compounds like 4 ho mipt or shrooms in the future, but I first want to consolidate this association of psychedelics with good things first, and 4 ho met seems like an excellent way to do that.

If you have read so far, know that I love you. I needed to get this out of my mind while it's still fresh, and as a reminder before my next trip^s. Have fun !

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 113962
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 25
Published: Jan 21, 2020	Views: 1,260
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
4-HO-MET (436) : Music Discussion (22), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)