DOSE:

repeated

insufflated

Ketamine

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

250 lb

I get home after playing DnD at work, so it’s 9pm. I’ve eaten some leftovers from my work lunch at around 5pm, so my stomach is light, and I’m in the mood to cruise. There’s a bag of K at my apartment with about .5 left. I decide to start swerving to some Adventure Time (great show for K). I do some bumps, get a nice feeling of total investment in the show, and that’s grand. It really kicks in during Season 3, Episode 2: the cartoon heroes are battling a weird, underground gladiator monster, and I feel like I’m participating. K is great for that kind of weird sensation.

I enjoy the episode, put the bag of K beside my sofa, and my take my laptop to the studio. I spend some time in there, but instead of actually making music, I start a music recommendation back-and-forth with a guy from work, him sending me techno tracks that aren’t my cup of tea, and I send him Culprate and Tipper tracks to hopefully tickle his ear nob. He signs off around 10:30pm, and says he’s heading to bed. I resolve that I should go back and finish my bag of K, so as to avoid sabotaging future music producing nights by doing K and sitting around watching Adventure Time. I figure I’d might as well polish off the bag and watch a few more episodes.

There has to be at least .25 in the bag, but it could’ve been closer to .3. Either way, it was a lot, and it was ground up perfectly. I cue up 5 episodes of Adventure Time so that I don’t have to move once the games begin, and I head to my perch to begin the routine. Despite my medium-to-high tolerance, the third or quarter ram sent me into a hole unlike anything I’ve ever seen. The last episode of AT was really perfect, but this next episode was a bit darker. The main characters are magically sent into a (good) vampire’s memory to figure out how to rescue her from her unconscious state. They “fall asleep,” and wake up in the dreamworld of their vampire friend. It’s a kid’s show, so the colours and shit are all upbeat, but things quickly start to get extremely strange.

I’m trying to keep up with the show, but somewhere along the way, my mind and perception slide out of the present moment, and I completely lose grasp of reality. I’m panned into this strange other-world - much like the one on the show - and I’m terrified that I can’t move or control anything. So I stand up, and walk around, and realize that I’m very much able to do stuff, and the upside-down reality I’m in looks a lot like my apartment. There’s a lot of noise going on – Adventure Time is still humming away – so I somehow, without knowing it, make my way over and close my laptop, shutting the show down.

This changes things. The TV goes black, and I look outside my windows and there’s nothing, only darkness. The universe is darkness. I’m in my apartment, all my stuff is here, but there’s only me, and I feel lonely. I wish someone was around to talk to or touch, someone that I can ask to verify if this is happening. Nobody’s around, so I assume that everyone around the world is experiencing the same fucked up moment, and that the universe is collapsing. I fidget around uncomfortably, trying to make sense of it all in this strange dark place I’ve created. I start walking in circles around my living room, and I fall into a weird loop - I open my laptop, become confused by its contents, close it, walk another lap around the pad, open the laptop, get confused, close it, do a lap… but then it feels like it’s all coming to an end. This is it. The end of the universe. I feel everyone collapsing in together, all of matter and time squeezing in to a final moment. It’s over. I accept. What day is it? Is it Monday? Didn’t I have something to do, tomorrow? Is it Tuesday, today?

I stand there. This is it. This is it. I’m standing there, and this is still it. The darkness continues. Silence prevails. Nothing happens. I remember I’m wearing an Apple Watch. I lift my arm and look at it. It tells me the time and date: 11:15pm, Tuesday, January 7th. The Watch has a feature where it can make your phone let out a “ping!” sound, so I use that to try and find the phone. I want to call Sarah, my girlfriend, before we all go (we are currently long-distance). I ping my phone. I manage to locate my phone, pick it up, and am confused by it. I can’t seem to figure out the thumbprint scanner to unlock it, and the number code lock seems like too much to deal with.

I sit down to accept the universe’s collapse into itself, but also wonder what I had to do this week. I have things next week and the week after, don’t I? Why is the universe ending when I have appointments? I close my eyes and accept it. I accept. If this is it, I accept. I take a deep breath, and wait. That deep breath sends signals to places in my body that I’d lost control of. I feel control over areas that didn’t feel like a part of me, sort of like when a limb goes numb from sleeping in a funny position… but most of my body is that kind of numb. Breathing is creating sparse patches of sensation. Gradually, I start to feel myself breathing. I’m filling in the frame that my momma gave me. Is the universe actually ending? Shouldn’t that have happened by now? I check my watch, as though the universe is late. I take another deep breath.

Why haven’t I felt myself breathing in so long? The sensation of breathing deeply is very enjoyable; each breath seems to send restorative powers my senses. Lights in the windows of my apartment re-appear, and the darkness of the world outside washes away smoothly. I look around. As I breathe and take in my surroundings, I begin to collect myself, and realize that I am still there, and that the universe has not dissolved. I fumble around to find my phone. I find it, and I am able to unlock it. I turn on the flashlight and look around my apartment. Confirmed - this is my home. I’m at home, I’m OK, the universe isn’t ending. What day is it? I look at the phone. It’s still Tuesday, and I am shlammed by the ketamine in my bloodstream. I’m dizzy and out-of-sorts, confused and unsure of anything. I think it’d be a good idea to call Sarah, so I do.

My girlfriend talks me back into reality, and listens as I tell her what happened in my wildly broken English. I sit down to write this about an hour after the event. Even now, I can still feel the strange wooziness of the chemical, though my motor skills are all back to normal.

I tell her that I don’t think I want to do ketamine anymore. I typically feel that way after a jarring ketamine experience, it turns me off the drug for awhile until I get to a rave and do small bumps to enjoy it more leisurely.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 113969
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 28
Published: Jan 8, 2020	Views: 870
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