DOSE: T+ 0:00	70 seeds	oral	Morning Glory
T+ 2:00	70 seeds	oral	Morning Glory	(ground / crushed)
T+ 6:30	1 cig.	smoked	Tobacco
T+ 7:00		oral	Alcohol - Beer/Wine
T+ 7:00		smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

I’m a long-time pot smoker who also has previous exposure to acid and shrooms. I had also smoked salvia a couple times in 2016, but that was my last psychedelic experience prior to ingesting these seeds. I’m 25 and I’m in the PhD program at my school in New York. I still like to drink and smoke on weekends even though I’ve had to cut out weekday drug use, ever since I made the resolution to straighten up and put my professional life first. I have two roommates, very straight-edge guys who are only acquaintances, who often like to make use of our kitchen-living room whereas I normally stay in my bedroom, and I rarely ever have an opportunity to break out beer or the bong or anything in my apartment.

But this past week, I had a rare opportunity; it’s Winter Break, and my one roommate left town for a conference while my other roommate, Z, won’t be back until the end of the month. Having the house to myself is one of my favorite things, and I immediately capitalized on the first night by having a low-key drink/smoke fest while I cranked up some music and gorged myself on frozen meals. As is usually the case, once I open the floodgates of slackerdom, if I don’t have any obligations to compel me, there’s usually a momentum toward just drinking and (especially) smoking more. But after this first night I was pretty hungover, and drinking anything more was far from my mind. I didn’t really have very much left to smoke either, and on top of it all, I felt some pressure on myself to just suck it up and get back to my research. But I was still getting triggered by the fact that my roommate was gone, and coming home to the empty house every night was making me reckless.

Sure enough, the second-to-last night of his absence, my mind wandered toward the idea of trying out some unconventional substance. There were really 3 that interested me: nutmeg, diphenhydramine, and morning glory (LSA). I never had any serious intention of doing Benadryl. Nutmeg and morning glory, on the other hand, made me vaguely curious. That night I was reading trip reports regarding nutmeg online, but as I read through them, I became daunted by the inconsistency of the reports. I kept finding bad ones that reported paranoia, distress, bodily discomfort, etc., and any good ones I would find were vague, and I couldn’t figure out what constituted the difference between a good or a bad experience. As far as I could tell, like Benadryl, it was basically a poison that causes hallucinations within a certain safe dosage. So I lost interest in that substance, but then I remembered hearing that you can also trip using morning glory seeds. I looked it up and I was very relieved to find that it’s a known quantity among the indigenous, who have a history of using it for magical properties. That made me think that it might be somewhat legit, but still, as I went to bed that night, I told myself that these hypothetical ideas were too risky and outlandish, and I should just keep it mellow for my last night by myself.

But when I woke up the next morning, the temptation came on strong. I said, “what am I stupid? This is the last chance I’ll have to try these things in god knows how long!” And so I got up, I got ready, and I went out to Home Depot and bought two packs of morning glory seeds, each with 70 seeds. I also bought a food chopper thinking that I would grind them up. I finally got home around 11 AM and quickly ate a subway sandwich for lunch. Then I took a minute to establish my intentions for the trip. I repeated the same technique that I had used to face Salvia and withstand her without being destroyed. I simulated the dialogue of the substance-as-deity in my head. I had it ask me: “Who do you know? What do you want? Who are you?” Every time I ran through the questions I answered, “I’ve met salvia; I want to learn from you; my name is Logan,” with subtle variations each time. Although I originally would answer, “I want to learn,” my answer changed as the repeated question made me rethink my feelings, until at the end, I was answering “I want to play [with you].” When I felt like this was set, I got up and I laid my first pack of ‘70’ seeds under the chopper. But after a few seconds’ try, I got dismayed as it seemed like the chopper was no good. I experimented with a knife, seeing if it would be possible to grind the seeds down that way, but it could do nothing. So, giving up on this, I just scooped up the pile of seeds and began to chew them one pinch at a time, swallowing them when they had become ground-up. It was about 11:30 AM.

The taste was not that bad in my opinion. It tasted like eating grass but I didn’t feel any reflex to gag or wretch it back up. I wanna say it was only five minutes at most before I started to feel a slight buzz in my body, it was similar to being stoned where the back of my head gets warm and tingly, except there were no mental effects yet. I was feeling some anticipation, and I was speculating what may follow, but for the most part my mind was clear. Then, by about 12 pm, the body load began to increase and for the first time I really noticed my stomach churning. The pain hurt about as much as a normal stomach ache, and it wasn’t anything more than I could just put up with. Whether from the anticipation, or as an effect of the seeds, I started to get slightly giddy and waves of excitement flashed through my head. Aloud to myself in the empty apartment I began saying to myself, “oh man, I can feel it coming on!” Now, from between approximately 12 pm to 1 pm, the body load changed from a feeling of energy into a profound sense of relaxation. I felt, as I have before when taking acid and shrooms in my past, an unusual and therapeutic sense of cohabitation and connectedness with my physical self , as if I viscerally sense the reality of my existing inside my body and limbs.

I began to sigh and the tension drifted away from my body as I sat at our table in the kitchen, watching YouTube. The artist in question was a gamer who streams himself playing computer games. As I watched it, I noticed myself watching the footage as if from a subtly different perspective. This particular gamer attracts a frankly vile crowd of spectators in his chat; he mostly plays the Total War series with large-scale medieval battles to the death. Normally when I watch it, I sort of have my guard up. I keep myself insulated from my gut-reaction to some of the comments people make; but on this occasion, I felt no sense of internal dissonance surveying the comments section. The outlandish comments were harmless – more than that, I felt like they communicated subtle things about the user emotionally and psychologically, which were microcosms of broader observations about the norms of our 21st Century internet society at large. Through this perspective, I didn’t feel any emotions except a deep sense of integration with myself and a profound appreciation for the complexity and also the disturbia of our modern world. Combined with the feeling in my body, it was pleasant, and to me at the time it represented an epiphany about myself – how I got caught up in gut reactions to seeing and hearing things, when there was a deeper level of perspective that could set me above the agitation of getting caught in the thick of it all. I am on a lifelong struggle to feel healthy and to overcome my conditioned agitation at the sight of negativity and animosity; the feeling of relief I got from these seeds felt like an epiphany because it served as an answer to this quest, a quest which is most of the time overly schematized and objectified in my internal dialogue. It’s just too bad that these epiphanies are knowledge which is imparted by ingested chemicals, a feeling of knowledge which inevitably fades away when the chemical has left my system.

Sometime during this timespan between 12 and 1 pm, the song Push by Matchbox 20 suddenly popped into my head (I had listened to this song a few days before). I was fully well embracing the premise of a magical encounter with the unknown deity of the seeds, so anything that my subconscious imagination presented to me I was lightheartedly treating as the interpolation of the god. I listened to this song and yes, it sounded awesome. As I watched the music video, the scenes of Rob Thomas basically freaking out in a pseudo-Auschwitz hell really resonated with me. I felt that I got exactly what he meant – the state of being internally disturbed and being agitated further by the shittiness of society outside, creating the semblance of a prison. I laughed at feeling understood in this way. I was at peace, it was a quiet and healing feeling, to see my issue represented to myself and held comfortably in the awareness of my brain.

At this point (just after 1 pm), I had the distinct urge to smoke some weed. Alas, I was out and there was no way I was getting any more today. I began trying to test how intoxicated I still was. Looking at my walls, carpet, kitchen, I felt as if I saw patterns more easily on the surfaces. They weren’t quite any kind of hallucination per se, just that my mind was latching on to patterns for example in the discoloration on our carpet, or the bricks in the wall. Specific objects, too, if I placed my focus on them, stood out very easily from the environment as if all of my attention was easily centered onto them. I think about this time or just before I experienced another wave of stomach pain, but it was still mild enough that I wouldn’t call it nausea. I had no paranoia or discomfort whatsoever, I was still feeling a welcome release from my anxiety and a certain therapeutic fatigue in my limbs. I was, however, really getting exasperated and torn by my lack of anything more to do. I was also really wishing the effects would come on stronger, but alas, to my perception, it seemed they were plateauing or even fading already. I was wondering, would that be because of my method of ingestion? It had only been a little more than 2 hours.

I decided I would try to boost the effects by doing the other pack of seeds. Once again I brought out the seeds, the cutting board, and my food chopper, except this time I was determined and even though the blade barely reached, I mashed the chopper onto my pile of seeds until after a couple minutes pounding I reduced them to a mound of yellowish fluffy powder with only a few shredded seed casings mixed in. This was at roughly 1:30 pm. I put the mixture in a tablespoon and dropped it directly onto my tongue; I held it for a second and then gulped it down with some fruit juice, swishing it underneath my tongue like I had also done the first time.

Once again, I got a pretty rapid stomach rumbling from the seeds which seemed entwined with the initial buzzing feeling in my head and neck. Overall, the pain wasn’t any worse than when I took the first dose, it felt like the same pain came back for a few minutes and then went away. For a few minutes I stood in the kitchen and felt some of the signs of a come-up but still not seeing any overall appearance of psychedelic effects. I decided to go into my room and watch YouTube waiting for any effects.

One of the recommended videos I clicked on was a documentary about Westerners in China during the terror of Mao. I had a normal viewing experience, but as I lay there on my bed, my comfort level continued to rise. A very serotogenic warmth and pleasant repose from ordinary alertness and attentiveness set on, a stronger degree of what I had felt earlier with my initial dose of the seeds. At the same time I was getting more comfortable inside my own head, the sensation of meandering, comforting thoughts came on and set my mind to softly drifting through a sequence of ephemeral reflections on my life. I was thinking to myself about how much I had been through in life, and how appropriate, deserved, and timely it was for me to enjoy the confidence and security of having earned my station in society. The other element to these thoughts was that I felt old, like I had lived a remarkable amount even at my young age of 25. It was a feeling mixed between thankfulness, wonder, and pleasant fatigue. After I turned my life around in the Summer of 2016, since then I had been a workaholic and a perfectionist who pushed myself to do everything flawlessly, while also feeling overall pretty anxious and insecure about my personal validation and my sense of achievement. Under the influence of the LSA, I saw myself as exonerated from the perfectionism and insecurity that endemically dogged my day-to-day thinking. It was not that I felt the pressure I put on myself was answered or actually satisfied already, rather the LSA made me feel that the stress of worrying about my success was an illusion and distracted from the true sources of confidence, happiness, and satisfaction that I could find by looking at myself as someone with intrinsically worthwhile traits, like my own humanity. It gave me a feeling of liberation from my mind’s negativity which felt as if I did not have to worry about the negativity anymore because of the myopia and irrationality of the negative ideas in the first place.

As a pot smoker, I have moments like these during certain sessions depending on my mind-body set and my overall setting. The LSA version was considerably more powerful and more relieving, partly because the very mild stomach excitement was far less unpleasant than the physical side effects of smoking, and partly because the serotogenic version was a much more physical and intimate sensation of mind-body relief than the artificial head rush of insight that I usually get from smoking weed.

I was comfortable enough that my eyes were drooping (though I wasn’t feeling sleepy really), and I drifted in between watching the video and just spacing out with my eyes closed. At this point it was getting to be between 30 min and an hour after I had dosed the second pile of seeds. Though I didn’t see CEV, I observed the very firsts of them as would be familiar to most weed smokers, as it seemed like the black and purple background of my closed eyelids was beginning to wisp and swirl around. Once in a while, like maybe every 5 minutes or more, when I closed my eyes some faint and ill-defined still image would take shape in the shimmering blackness, and it seemed like this effect partly had an interaction with the view I had of my room just before I closed my eyes, as if perhaps what I would see last before closing them enjoyed some kind of brief 1-second afterimage in my head. Only the images that I saw were profound symbols of my modest Christian ascetic beliefs: a woman in a cowl, Jesus as a hermit, the sign of the cross. Their appearance was intriguing to me and fed my contemplation of the magical experience I was having, where I was in the grasp of a higher power.

By this time, as I do, I was generating my own speculation of what kind of being I was in an encounter with and just what sort of magic was in me. All I really knew or thought I knew about the Morning Glory was that it was in the world of Aztec and Mesoamerican magic. I can’t remember if it was because I saw a CEV impression of a wolf (or coyote), but I wound up thinking that the magical being inside the seeds was the spirit of the Dog Warrior. (My name means ‘Lover of Hounds’ in English, so this would meant that we could have a special connection). I partly came to this theory as I reflected on how the trip had randomly produced the song Push in my head. Push was the input of the Morning Glory entity, it was kind of an outcry from inside the soul, so it was sort of like the howling of the dog, the wolf was unleashed. Accordingly, it was also a totally masculine energy, which made me feel relaxed and understood, as if I could take my guard down and worry less about my gender-normifying behavior, in contrast to the female marijuana plant which makes me excited and mentally extroverted, making me overly conscious and paranoid of my mixed ambidextrous gender aspect. (I am a normal man, but my personality is thoroughly mixed and it has a very wide aptitude for both masculine and feminine traits.) I wanted to and did see Morning Glory the same way as Salvia, as a guide and instructive deity , only this time I was taking the guidance of a male companion rather than a female empress. Though I felt Morning Glory was less regal and controlling, I nevertheless strongly assumed it was a regal god itself, only of a more modest and sacral kind of office. Similar to how Yoda or Qui-Gon Jinn were more powerful than Anakin or Luke.

It was still the dead of winter (middle of January), so it was already getting dark pretty soon just after 4 pm. For the next hour and a half, approximately, I went onto a gay dating app on my phone as I had been doing on and off for about a month. At this time I was exploring my ambiguous homosexuality, it was the first time I had been willing to test my homosexuality since I left undergrad in 2014.

I’ve never had a girlfriend, and after being traumatized by my childhood friend’s attempts to compel me to be gay I spent my high school years with a fixation on the role of the woman in pornography and a complex about the feminization of my body through the penetration of the anus. There was definite cause to think I might be gay because of these things, so for the last month I had returned to contacting people on Grindr to continue an extremely fragile and delicate exploration of my sexuality that I had originally pursued with very inconclusive results between 2012-2014 back in college. In these conversations, dialect was the essence of the investigation. I was basically trying, deliberately, to find a dialect of speech that could accommodate people’s homosexual interest in me. In doing so, I was feeling myself out trying to determine whether or not the dialect was viable and genuine. My investigation up to that time had shown that when I was high on weed, a homosexual dialect came to me not entirely unreadily when talking and sexting to people. The problem was that I remained deathly unwilling to place myself in a sexual encounter with another man, basically because I didn’t feel that I would have the copious degree of control over the encounter that I seemed to feel that I would need if I were ever going to get naked with another man and let him have sex with me. It remained potentially as the verdict, to my thinking, that the human individual male personality embedded in the person that I would have sex with was not a viable persona for me to partner with for the purposes of sex. On that basis, given that consequently any such ‘body’ filling that role would have to be a not-person or not-male, the whole thing might just be a dysfunctional network of my mind because of the extremely aggressive, isolating, and domineering tactics my friend had used to try and overcome my resistance.

Anyway, this is part of the trip to report that, however critical that fundamental quandary remained for any chance of my being gay, I do have to report that my experience on Grindr under the influence of LSA was probably the closest I have ever come to feeling like it was really natural. This is bearing in mind that all I was doing was sexting a couple of different people, receiving images from them and sending some images of me (this is at the core of my fixation). Nevertheless, I did manage to have a rudimentary sexual encounter with these two men on the app. I felt some basic connection to their sexualities and I was feeling political about whether or not they would cum, and how. During this LSA trip, I experienced probably my deepest integration with my fragmented homosexuality ever as I tried to manipulate these two guys into wanting to cum and got aroused at the feeling they would be used by me in this manner, tools to help me blow a massive load. Definitely part of what was letting me get into this experience was the extremely intimate and comforting serotonin feeling I had in my body which is best described as realizing some intense new dimension to being in your own skin that you had never perceived before.

Probably many people who have done psychedelics would recognize this feeling. Anyway, I finished sometime between 5:30 and 6 pm and my next thought was to jump over to Price Chopper and grab some dinner. First I had to use the bathroom. While I was in there, I noticed the strongest visual effect to date as I was fascinated by my own appearance. I was extremely attentive to the details of my face and I very slightly did not recognize myself, or rather something indescribable about me was altered. Very slight waving effects seemed to be evident in my vision, at a level where they seemed partly like a figment of my belief or dependent upon my confirmation bias. I ok’d myself to drive about 800 m down the street to Price Chopper. I was in a wonderful mood while I was in there, grabbing some frozen meals and a 6 pack of beer. I felt a very slight but not unpleasant paranoia, as if every person I passed was aware of me and had a thought about me in their head, informing their actions also. I was comfortable though because I expected to pass any actual encounter with a friendly air of confidence.

I got back home and I made a serious mistake, which was that I rolled myself a cigarette, in the first place desiring to smoke anything out of habit and vainly hoping that combined with LSA it would shed some of its negative side effects. I couldn’t have been more wrong about this as actually the cigarette delivered an extremely unwelcome agitation into my brain and despoiled the feeling of tranquility I had received in my body. This outright damaged my happiness, but the fundamental influx of contentment and positivity that I had received from the LSA remained at the same time; I was basically left standing next to my car feeling a bevy of uncomfortable nicotine effects but still firmly possessing nevertheless a contentment and optimism in my executive functioning. I told myself that I would feel better when I ate my dinner and cracked a few of the beers. Suddenly, a miracle happened to me. As I was putting my tobacco away the center console of my car fell open and my weed grinder fell out. I didn’t know where I had misplaced it but suddenly here it was, and when I looked inside sure enough I had saved myself a bong rip of weed from New Year’s. But here I must emphasize the negative impact that my cigarette had wrought on me (as someone who does not habitually some cigarettes). Despite what a good bonus this grinder was for me, it didn’t really do anything to alleviate my anxiety and actually I was apprehensive about smoking it now because I didn’t know if it could actually fix the mistake I had made.

I got back inside and as I ate and drank some beers, the edge came off from my anxiety but I remained having plummeted sharply from the degree of happiness and tranquility I felt when I headed home from Price Chopper. Whether or not it had anything to do with the cigarette, the LSA effects seemed to be decreasing from when I had peaked before I left the apartment and I no longer saw any open or closed-eye visuals, while my thinking appeared to be totally normal. And actually, around 9-10 pm as I was finishing my drinking, I began to feel outright anxious and depressed. I decided then that I was going to take my rip of the bong, not entirely convinced that it was going to actual work and deliver me the relief that I wanted.

This is where the most significant event of the trip occurred by far. I ripped the hit out of my bong on my balcony, drunk to the point where it passed sort of in a blur and my anticipation for anything good to follow was low. I put the bong away feeling worse, almost let down as it had done nothing and I remained far more preoccupied with the tobacco I had smoked and the gravity of that mistake. My headspace was uncomfortable as I stumbled into my room and flopped into my bed for sleep. I laid there with my head ringing, there was in fact a slight headache and at this point a fairly serious agitation and anxiety in my thoughts that had no clear expression. I felt my mind was like a fiery, painful cauldron. It was then that I had my eyelids about a hair open, very dimly viewing the foot of my bed, when suddenly it appeared like there were two balls of light in my vision swirling around in a circle. This made my anxiety worse, as I felt to myself ‘good god I’ve done myself in with drugs tonight.’ I closed my eyes and the balls disappeared, as I closed my eyes it was like the balls accordingly started to collapse into one another although this movement was not entirely accomplished before I closed my eyes. I was then just staring into the blackness of my mind’s eye against my eyelids, at that time it was as close to a purple-and-red vaporous hell as I could possibly imagine.

When suddenly I had the profoundest sensation. It was as if a tube, or tunnel, opened in the center of my forehead by which I mean my mind’s eye or my vision also. And in an instant, acting upon my purest instinct, I seized upon the opening and I pushed with my mind, I pushed forward with my psyche upon the perceived appearance of a tunnel opening, and as I did so, I felt a sensation of my mind racing into the tunnel like a pipe of a flushed toilet or something. And though I remained in the grips of an overall mind-body discomfort, without really knowing what it meant my movement into the opening faintly allowed me to believe in some kind of progress or transformation that slightly lessened my distress. I fell asleep at last and I woke up the next morning actually feeling pretty well. I was comfortable inside my bedsheets and I felt pleasantly rested and tranquil as I laid there and enjoyed waking up late to the comforts of the morning sun, the empty apartment, and my sober mind.

But it’s the long-term after-effects of this trip that are truly significant to me personally , especially as it relates to the mystical hallucination I had falling asleep. Up to the time of this trip, I had spent my Fall semester in the PhD program under considerable stress. I usually spent the evenings after I got home tense and weary, with my heart pounding in my chest. But what was really bad was my anger issue. Although it had its precursor as some chronic anxiety and paranoia, I was really left with this issue as an anger issue since 2016, when I made a life-changing resolution in the aftermath of my trip on Salvia. Since then, I was prone to feeling a despaired and fearful rage whenever I made mistakes in life or faced the possibility of defeat and failure. Though it was a somewhat situational anger dependent on my circumstances, it had in general gotten slightly worse overall through the years and by the time of the Fall 2018 semester in the PhD program, my anger had become so virulent that when it struck me I would be stricken with high blood pressure, my mind would be choked with anxiety and tension to the point where I could barely think or communicate, and I normally did lash out to myself (alone) in a rage furiously, viciously lambasting the forces in society that I resented and despised.

After my LSA trip, right before the beginning of Spring 2019 semester, I incredibly experienced a reversal with my anger issue. My ability to avoid feeling a rush of internal distress or openly lash out at something I saw or read on the internet increased considerably overnight, and the quality of my mental health during the Spring semester was noticeably improved. My overall health remained disturbed as I was seriously overeating during this time to build muscle, and I eventually faced a crisis where I had to begin emergency cardiovascular exercise and lost a lot of my appetite for months. But that is a subject for a different experience report. Even though my physical health declined in the first half of 2019, my mental health and the stability of my mood was significantly improved, and I attributed this to the Morning Glory seeds. As with Salvia, my own subsequent interpretations of my experience were an integral part of the changes that took place in my attitude and personality.

Undoubtedly, a major part of my more stable mood and decreased anger were because I believed that the LSA had done something positive. My interpretation was that the Dog Spirit had taught me his lesson and lent me some of his powers, just as Lady Salvia had done. When I reflected on the nighttime hallucination, I could not guess what the two orbs of light had meant, but I believed that the hallucination of the mental tunnel had connoted the idea of transference. Without thinking any specific, I supposed that it had symbolized adopting a more adaptive approach to my own cognition and opening up additional pathways in my brain to better contextualize my negative states of mind and amass greater resources for attaining positive ones.

In the longer-term, during the Summer and the later months of the year, the outcome of this trip was extremely good. After I began to open up more to the idea of deliberately pursuing relationships with women, I began to change my interpretation of the trip subtly. Instead of seeing it as having been a visitation by a male energy, I started to see it as my having received male energy or had some of my masculinity unlocked by the Dog Spirit. I gained much more confidence for talking to women, and my sense of self began to heal at a level deeper than I had ever managed to manipulate before. By the end of the Summer, combined with exercise and healthy eating, I had radically dispensed with my anger issue and my concept of my own worth was dramatically more healthy than my previous dependence on self-denying labor and my objectification of the individual.

I have now encountered at least two magical spirits in my life (I do not know whether or not there was a deity contained within the acid I took in undergrad), both of which added considerably to my sense of self and gave me gifts of power that enabled me to make urgent changes to my attitude that rescued me on both occasions from a dangerous spiral. Whether or not I have some intuition for these matters is not something I wish to speculate on, nor is it what I think is really important to handling the powers of the mystical substances. The right approach to preparation, study, mindfulness, and reflection are the disciplines which allow the individual to maximize their personal gain from the encounter with the almighty gods.

Exp Year: 2019	ExpID: 114076
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 25
Published: Feb 26, 2020	Views: 4,923
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Morning Glory (38) : Sex Discussion (14), Entities / Beings (37), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), First Times (2), Alone (16)