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Losing Myself in Moana
LSD
by Nick
Citation:   Nick. "Losing Myself in Moana: An Experience with LSD (exp114098)". Erowid.org. Feb 25, 2020. erowid.org/exp/114098

 
DOSE:
1 hit sublingual LSD (blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT: 120 lb


This trip is from a couple years ago, when I was first starting to try psychedelics. At the time, I had only ever tripped once with some friends on some shrooms and half a tab, which was fun, but uneventful. This time I was tripping by myself in my dorm. My mind was in a pretty good place at the time, although I didn't really know how to judge if I was in a good headspace anyways, being so inexperienced with psychedelics. I wrote almost all of this during the trip as it was happening, it is totally unedited besides a few spots marked ASIDE and the last bit.

10:15 - Take 1 tab
10:35 - Swallow the tab
10:46 - noticing colors more and more
11:30 - haven't come up that much more, take another half tab
11:50 - not feeling much, smoked some weed
11:51 - holy shit Iím high

ASIDE: At this point I decided to stop time stamping everything because it didn't really make sense to me why I had been doing it in the first place, time felt less important than it did before
time felt less important than it did before
. The rest of this takes place over probably about 6 hours, taking long breaks between paragraphs and sometimes cutting off mid sentence and coming back to it.

Acid Just makes me feel like there is no floor and I keep falling but not at all in a bad way like I love it. Iíve just lost any sort pf reference frame for anything, I just keep asking why and I keep going down deeper.

Objectively: Iím watching moana and trying to think of it without any of the assumptions that might come from like society or even just the consequences of being more technologically advanced, and itís really mind blowing. Just trying to experience it as an indigenous person who has lived their whole life on an island. I feel like Iím truly experiencing it.

I feel like Iíve removed myself from myself. This is wild. Iím either super high or this movie is incredible. I just feel like Iím falling from idea to idea.

Iím trying to hold on but I canít hold on to reality

Consciousness feels like doing the Euler method for a differential equation

Iím like seeing each differential band of everything and it produces the next one and like based on that given differential band, there is only one new one that can be produced

Thereís another dimension if I walk through my wall Iím pretty sure, but I canít walk through walls you know

Wow what has this become

Back to moana this is unreal. Iím tripping so hard. This is surreal Iím watching the scene with the crab and the crab looked absolutely nuts. Now maui has a shark head the water just washed over me. Itís like Iím experiencing this Iím gonna stop trying to put this into words because I canít this is mind ripping. Iím listening to new constellations [ASIDE: by Ryn Weaver, great song, especially when tripping] while watching what for a second I assumed was the climax because I just felt it, but it wasnít I just Iíve lost all perception

Right now Iím just trying to hold onto what is real, but

The rest of this is retrospective, written 2.5 years later

Around this point, things started to get really hard for me. I hadn't left my dorm except once to go to the bathroom pretty early on and I was starting to legitimately doubt that the world outside of my trip had ever existed. I eventually left my dorm to go try to talk to a friend and maybe try to ground myself again, which helped, but speaking coherently was very difficult as was understanding what the other person was communicating to me. After I had talked to someone and also come down a little bit, I started googling stuff trying to figure how normal what I was experiencing was and to see if I would ever feel normal again. At the time I thought I had experienced ego death, but I am less convinced of this as time goes on, because people generally speak of ego death as a peaceful revelation or epiphany, but it was quite intense and quite scary for me. After a couple days I started to feel normal again though and it was all fine.

Overall, I think back on this as a generally positive experience, despite how difficult the end was.
Overall, I think back on this as a generally positive experience, despite how difficult the end was.
I've tripped several times since then and having this experience under my belt and being able to read the report I wrote during has really helped me reassure myself when I start to fall into thought loops and bad trip stuff. What I really like about this trip report is how strongly it simulates what acid feels like. I donít know if itís only because I lived it myself or if other people will feel the same way reading it, but when I read this, it makes me feel like Iím tripping again, and the way the format sort of deteriorates as the trip goes on is very evocative of how acid feels to me, which is why I decided to share it.

Exp Year: 2017ExpID: 114098
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 20 
Published: Feb 25, 2020Views: 887
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LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), General (1), Alone (16)

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