DOSE: T+ 0:00	20 mg	oral	Amphetamines	(pill / tablet)
T+ 4:00	10 mg	oral	Amphetamines	(pill / tablet)
T+ 5:30	.6 g	oral	Morning Glory	(ground / crushed)
T+ 5:30	20 mg	oral	Cannabis - Hash	(edible / food)
T+ 5:30	2 oz	oral	Chocolate	(edible / food)
T+ 21:30	15 ug	oral	Amphetamines	(pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT:

160 lb

I am prescribed Adderall for ADHD 20mg when I woke up (8), 10mg in the afternoon (1 PM), and 15mg in the morning the next day (9). Currently struggling with insecurity brought on by an edible trip the day before (~15mg), a new relationship, and relational conflict with a close friend. The morning glory seeds were ground into a powder (no water extraction, just consumption of the powder itself) 5 weeks ago and stored in a tupperware container with a ground-up hash cube in a dark, room-temperature place. I did this at home, in a cold house (low 60s), and warm clothing. Most of the time was spent either in my bed or in my desk chair.

I’ve recently been exploring the idea of finding a balance between wants and shoulds (acting based off of urges/instincts versus consideration of societal expectations, internal short-term and long-term goals, etc.) and the idea of hermeneutics in social interactions. These insights actually came from my last LSA experience on 31 Jan. This led to a fight with my best friend of a few years. I wanted additional relational insight to reevaluate how I and they contributed to this problem.

I bought and made snacks (both edibles and the morning glory seeds give me the urge to chew) – spicy brownies, chocolate covered gummy bears, ice cream. I had only really eaten some chocolate the morning of (10 A.M.ish), so another drug effect to consider is caffeine since I was probably dosing it pretty regularly through consumption of dark chocolate and brownies.

The seeds and edible (seeds finely ground in coffee grinder over a month ago, edible crushed into mostly powder and some larger granules with a rock) were taken at 2:30 with some water (2 oz) and chocolate chips. I swallowed most of the mixture with the water and used the chocolate chips to gather up the rest in my mouth and get rid of the awful taste.

0:00 - Started feeling nausea almost immediately (4th time taking morning glory seeds and this seems to be the case every time)

0:50 - heavy limbs

1:00 - time distorted, feels very long. Music (theramin) lasted for what felt like hours. Was beautiful.

1:30 - Visual distortions: edges of objects blurred, melting. Colors of textured backgrounds enhanced, vibrant

2:30 - Full-blown, eyes-closed visuals. Started seeing a world form from the music. Moved to bed from desk chair (less movement in seat, abs seem to contract a lot and exaggerate feeling of nausea when eating LSA seeds so I figured that laying flat would help)

3:00 - Very elevated heartrate (100-130 bpm for duration of trip, including the next day). Dissociated and started to experience myself as both a male and female inhabiting a mirror dimension. Was masturbating at this point and believe that’s how I ended up dividing into multiple beings. Felt like I had both sets of genitals and was simultaneously experiencing penetration from their perspectives. Interpreted the prostate and clitoris as analogues for opposite-sex genitals and experienced multiple prostate orgasms (no ejaculation), although I perceived them as vaginal ones. Then, I split into an uncountable, seemingly infinite number of people, cells, and organisms experiencing this (and existence in the broad sense) simultaneously. Eventually stopped touching myself because I became overwhelmingly aware of my rapid heart rate, which I interpreted as the beats of multiple beings/versions of myself existing at once in the same space. Visualized all of the beings I was reinhabiting my actual body, which centered my mind and left me cognitively integrated but emotionally in awe.

4:30 Fell asleep

5:45 Woke up, felt sharper mentally, but physically clumsy and out-of-body.

6:00 Time still very warped, strong nausea, was able to focus my vision if I concentrated, but it primarily felt like I was seeing multiple perspectives from the same eyes. Moved back to desk chair and got some food.

7:00 Ate my first meal that wasn’t chocolate (some oatmeal). Helped with nausea. Tastes stayed in my mouth for minutes.

7:30 Started eating ice cream, which greatly soothed feelings of nausea. Switched to very quiet piano music (theramin became overwhelming due to visuals it produced). Was reading news about COVID-19. Experiencing strong bruxism

9:00 Masturbated to completion this time, which sharpened mind even further and left me feeling drained. Did not split into multiple people. Felt extremely full from eating and disappointed that I hadn’t had any particular insights during this trip, which was my intention. Decided to go to sleep.

16:30 Woke up from a very vivid and violent sex dream. First time having a wet dream since I was a teenager, which was annoying. Felt more conscious/less out of it. Body still felt really slow and it was a struggle to do my morning routine. Assumed I was done being high. Had some realizations about family and social concerns as I was brushing my teeth. I started getting excited because I had moments of clarity like this "after" the LSA experience over a month ago

16:45 Started feeling nauseous again

17:00 Started eating breakfast (brownies). Took 15mg Adderall. Turned on music (instrumental synth) and it didn’t feel overwhelming like it did last night. More insights coming in with new partner.

17:15 Visuals started up again. Reality was getting bars on it the way that phone cameras do when I try to capture an image on a computer with a blue light filter on

18:00 Feeling pretty distorted again. Time is losing meaning, urge to chew on things. Thinking more and more about my problems that I started the trip for. Emotions are bubbling up to surface about the conflict with best friend

19:00 Start going inward – reflecting on experience from the day before with partner, sex hallucinations, social problems. Started writing this trip report here.

20:00 Physically very relaxed. Chewing gum to help with chewing urge. Mind distracted very easily but capable of focusing enough to do dishes, chores, etc. Talking to partner via text and hyperaware of emotional content in their words. Feel very artistically creative. Performing some work-related duties (proofreading) and relating strongly to the material (self-care, emotional processing, setting boundaries with others)

21:00 Still melted into the desk chair. Mind is pretty blank. Listening to music and playing with a piece of string in my hands. Very present-focused and body-oriented

22:00 Becoming more alert. Urge to play with hair. Gained insight into technique for gently detangling. General sense that I’m capable of understanding broad patterns if I pay attention. Socially, capable of “acting normal” but definitely thinking about things from a very altered state. Mind feels gone – I exist in the now and don’t seem to have an internal monologue anymore – thoughts are fleeting and unformed. Is this like a meditative state, then?

22:15 closed eyes while detangling hair and asked to see my soul - it's a woman. The male part of my soul is a protector. He turns on when the world is too harsh for my spirit. She's beautiful but you can't see her outline that well. Golden light. Small frame.

23:15 Took a bath. Felt body disappear in warm water. Cleaning self was great, felt so at peace. Experience of being cold out of water brought me back into my body, but my mind is still disconnected from the internal monologue. I want to keep it that way. Things feel right.

24:00 Still feel at peace. Think I have a choice to either let the experience of nothingness go or embrace it and change as a person. How bound do I really need to be? This trip made me want to find out.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114184
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 24
Published: Jun 1, 2023	Views: 1,241
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Amphetamines (6), Morning Glory (38) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Relationships (44), Sex Discussion (14), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4), General (1), Alone (16)