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Compulsive Use
by Eli
Citation:   Eli. "Compulsive Use: An Experience with Dexmethylphenidate (exp114240)". Jun 15, 2020.

  repeated smoked Cannabis
    repeated oral Alcohol - Hard
  3 mg oral Pharms - Clonazepam
    insufflated Pharms - Dexmethylphenidate
    oral Pharms - Dexmethylphenidate
This is a report I had a few years back on a few substances. However before I go into the experience it's important to note that at the time I was well experienced with various substances; amphetamines, cocaine, opiates, psychedelics, benzodiazepines, and many others. I was addicted to chasing a high.
I was addicted to chasing a high.
Anything would do. I also was smoking cannabis on a daily basis. At the time of this experience I was 21. I was almost always under the influence of a substance, however I did not appear like it. I was well dressed, spoke well, and was well respected. I appeared confident.

It was late 2014. I was living out of my volvo by choice. I lived around the suburbs of San Francisco. My friend, Chris, was throwing a house party, so I decided to join. Upon arrival I was greeted with a joint. We all sat around passing the pot having a good time. Chris was prescribed klonopin, Focalin, and a few others. I asked to buy a few Klonopins. He brought down his prescription and shared it amongst the party guests. I took around 3mgs. Waiting for the Klonopins to kick in we decided to do some drinking. However I was the only one able to buy. So I drove to the store and purchased some cases of Bud Lite, and a bottle of Baileys for myself. Back at the party the benzodiazepines began kicking in. I was having a great time. I felt free of anxiety, so much so all I wanted to do was sit and talk. We did just that. With a Bud Lite in each hand, Baileys in mine, a joint being passed around, and the klonopin peaking, we each took turns talking about anything we felt the need to release. All the weight we carry inside ourselves was let out. We laughed, we cried, we were letting ourselves be vulnerable. Each person who spoke had our full intention. We were all so interested in what each other had to say.

Some time has passed and most guests fell asleep. Every inch of the house was covered with someone passed out. Chris and I were the ones left standing. Both tired we decided it's time to bring out the Focalin. Chris explained how it's similar to Ritalin and will wake us both up. He crushed two little blue pills for us which I believe to be 10mgs. Internasal is my prefered route of administration. I was excited to try this newly discovered substance. We snorted a pill each. Tastes like candy. I chugged the rest of my Baileys while waiting for the pills to kick in. And boy did it kick in quick. I'd compare it to cocaine. The room brightened up and I was ready to keep this night going. The effects of alcohol seemed to vanish while the Klonopin was still riding strong. Chris and I began cleaning the house and chatting up a storm. Nothing could wake the guests up so we were loud and having a blast. We spoke about spirituality and our visions of the future. At one point we spoke about becoming big time drug dealers. We spoke because we felt we had to. The focalin we strong, our egos were inflated, and our hearts were racing.

The focalin’s comedown came quick. The peak was around 45 minutes to an hour. Chris became one with the guests and passed out on the floor. I was the only one standing, and I was not done yet. The mixture of the comedown and the drugs were making me feel depressed and slow. Yes I could have slept but I wasn't giving myself this option. I wanted more Focalin. I found Chris’s bottle of Focalin. A dozen or so left. I crushed up 20mgs more and railed it. BAM! I'm good to go. But who can I party with? I decided to leave, but not without the rest of the Focalin. Afraid I'd comedown quick again I swallowed 30mgs to increase its duration and took the rest with me.

[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
I drove off into the night. Must have been between 12am and 2am. I'm sweating profusely and grinding my teeth. I didn't want to drive all night, I needed to find something to do. Geocaching! That's it. For those who don't know Geocaching is similar to treasure hunting. Where people hide these small boxes for others to find. They come with hints, riddles, and coordinates. So I downloaded the app. Ohh! There is a Geocache just down the road. I'm close to it now. I knew I would be quick so I didn't bother finding a parking spot. I parked my car in the middle of a cul-de-sac, walked out keeping it running, and followed the coordinates. It's somewhere by this tree. Must be on top of it. I began climbing the tree when I saw lights. “What are you doing on our lawn?” someone yelled. “Oh shit” I climbed a tree in the middle of the night on someone's front lawn. “ I'm treasure hunting” I yelled back. Knowing I was in the wrong spot I ran back to my car. A cop pulled up just before I got into my vehicle.

At this point the most logical thing to do is to calmly walk up to them and explain myself. I shook their hands and introduced myself. “So what are you doing out here this late?” The cops asked. My mouth is so dry I tried my best to not smack my lips and appear confident and calm. I explained to them I was geocaching. I proved this by showing them my app. I made my best attempt to not run my mouth. All I wanted to do was talk talk talk. “I didn't realize I was at the wrong spot,” I said. “Have you ever done meth, Eli?” they asked me with suspicion. I explained to them I've never done it. They held up a strip measuring pupil dilation to my eyes.
They held up a strip measuring pupil dilation to my eyes.
They explained I seemed to be under the influence of something. They told me to stay still while they run my ID. Leaning against the cruiser's hood I started thinking. Thinking a million thoughts a minute. I wasn't anxious, rather I felt overwhelmingly euphoric. The cops confronted me. They explained I'm not suited to drive (They were definitely right). They offered to park my car for me. Upon opening my car door I noticed the open bottle of Focalin right in the cup holder. Too late for me to grab it. I watched them park my car. They must have seen the bottle! However all they told me was to go home and pick up the car in the morning. They said they will be patrolling this area to make sure my car doesn't go anywhere. So I wandered off with full intention of heading back to my car once they left.

A few minutes had passed so I rushed back to my car and drove off. I drove to a park. At this point I'm thinking I overdosed because of the overwhelming stimulation. No matter how much water I drank I remained dehydrated and with a dry mouth. I'm sitting in my car full of anxiety thinking the worst of thoughts. Then I remembered, someone told me years ago “when your spunned out its best to do something otherwise the stims will eat at your brain.” I decided to clean my car.

Then I blacked out. I woke up parked on the other side of town feeling depressed. The alcohol, Klonopin, and Focalin really took its toll on me.

Focalin seems to be a fun, productive drug when used by itself, taken orally, and at a low dose. Internasal is much more powerful, however the duration was rather short compared to other stimulants with this route. Also the comedown was much harsher compared to oral. The effects were most comparable to that of ritalin or cocaine.

Exp Year: 2015ExpID: 114240
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: Jun 15, 2020Views: 2,934
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Pharms - Dexmethylphenidate (501), Police / Customs (60) : Combinations (3), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Various (28)

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