DOSE:

repeated

oral

2-Methyl-2-Butanol

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

I'll skip the back story.

I am now 28 years old, I have been an alcoholic for approximately 8 years. I have had seizures. I have had nights where the beating of my heart was so violent it caused the bed to creak. I have had so many periods of DTs that I now enjoy them. Why? Because it seems to be the only time I really set my mind on achieving sobriety and start to envision a different life - it's hope.

I fear I have damaged my brain. I do not have the same word recall I once did and my once great spelling now tends to rely on auto-correct. I do not have the same problem solving ability I once did either. I tend to find myself at a loss for words when confronted by no more than complete idiots, the opposite of which I was once known for. (Although that may be just the mellowing effect time has had on me.)

I read through the symptoms of Korsakoffs syndrome the other day and it was so jarring it almost sent me into a panic.

• Frustration and prone to irritability from confusion and inability to express oneself.

I feel this all the time. I cannot juggle multiple factors in my mind like I used to when faced with anything more than the simplest of problems.

• Lack of content/Unengaged.

This one hits hard. Reading through some of the other experiences I can hear it through the text.

From the age of 19 or so I would say I had an average of 30-40 standard drinks a day. These days I drink but now it's maybe 10 and it seems I can have days off. If youre asking me why I still drink, well it's cause I'm an alcoholic, and to be honest there doesnt seem much worth living for. Whats the point? I work your ass off to come home to kids that dont respect me and a wife that cheats on me? Deal with them for 4 hours before I go to bed and do it again? Rinse and repeat till I get to those two weeks of the year where I take my family to some god forsaken shithole to get ushered around on a bus to take a photo so I can say I've been there?

I'm starting to think the vagrants are the ones that have figured it out.

Exp Year: 2010-2020	ExpID: 114267
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 28
Published: Apr 24, 2020	Views: 1,019
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Alcohol (61) : Not Applicable (38), Addiction & Habituation (10), Health Problems (27)