Citation: Lowry. "Two Views on a Multidimensional Adventure: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (20x extract) (exp114270)". Erowid.org. Apr 15, 2020. erowid.org/exp/114270
Previous Experiences: DMT (a lot, sub breakthrough), DXM, Cannabis (once), Salvia (up to 48 mg 20x)
My first heavy Salvia experience was with 48 mg of smoked 20x extract that I inhaled alone on my couch. Before that the effects I got from salvia were much weaker than what I expected, so I thought at first I had a naturally high tolerance – boy was I wrong!
The 48 mg made me becoming the house wall of my parent’s house where I grew up. During the trip I heard a banging noise and when I came back, I found myself lying face down in a puddle of water in front of my couch with my broken bong next to me. Until today I have no idea what actually happened. At that point I decided it would be very dangerous to proceed my salvia journey alone, so I got a trusted friend as trip sitter to further embark on my journey into Sally-Space with higher doses. The blackout that broke my bong was just the start of my Salvia train wrecks…
With my trip sitter I felt safe and overambitious
With my trip sitter I felt safe and overambitious
so I decided to take 100 mg of the 20x that fucked me up badly before with just half the dose. This time was a completely new level of Salvia madness. What my sitter observed me doing in my dissociated state was in no accordance with what I remember happening. From now on, we will give you the two perspectives of what I can only describe as a multidimensional clusterfuck in salvia hell.
I loaded my new bong with 100 mg of 20x extract and covered it with some Salvia leaves as a protective layer against the flame of my jet lighter. The plant material was turned into thick smoke which I inhaled in one massive toke and held in for 30 seconds while lying on my couch. A scratchy feeling came upon me as always with salvia; it feels like taking notice of every piece of clothing I wear on my skin. This is the last thing I remember before being blasted away.
Now I’m taking over. As I watched my friend fading away with the face of a person you caught singing badly under the bathtub – never saw such an embarrassed facial expression before. After I thought everything would be alright and he would just enjoy his trip on the couch I started to care about other things, checking my phone. Being completely unaware of what could possibly happen, he shoots up from the couch after maybe one minute. He started shivering and calling my name out loud, so I ran to him to calm him down. Instead of me controlling the scenery, he grabbed my hands as tightly as he could. While the whole thing came completely out of nothing for me, I got a bit scared and overwhelmed, especially because I noticed I couldn’t hold him back if he starts doing something stupid. His cold, sweaty hands seemed to be an indication of the fear he experienced which was also evident from his facial expression: He looked at me like a frightened deer with empty eyes.
The first thing I can recall from during the trip was the very familiar salvia feeling of having fucked something up. I get this impression on salvia every time and it is the unpleasant feeling of something being wrong and caused by a bad decision on my part, but without a concrete idea of what exactly went wrong. It just feels like I should not be in this world, in this situation, at all. I was in a new reality, the problem is I did not notice I was tripping at all. What I felt and saw, was my new reality, or better: just reality. I completely forgot where I was or what the normal world looked like. Also, I did not care because this was now all I ever knew and I couldn’t get out. But what was this world exactly? It is very hard to describe. As always with Salvia, for me it brings up memories of my childhood. This trip in particular I found myself in my parents’ living room, but not as a child or even a person. Instead, I was the living room cabinet that my parents own. To be clear, I was not inside the cabinet… I genuinely was a piece of furniture experiencing the world from this “wooden perspective”. It looked like all of existence was unfolding from the surface of this wooden cabinet out of my childhood memories.
While he felt like wooden furniture, his movements weren’t as immobilized as such a piece of hard wood should be. After holding my hand for a short period of time, he decided that this wasn’t enough so his arms started to embrace my body as he pressed his head against my torso. I tried to convince him everything would be alright, but my words didn’t reach the place he dissociated to.
I tried to convince him everything would be alright, but my words didn’t reach the place he dissociated to.
I hoped he would not stand up but just sit there in my arms until the peak of the trip was over – of course, he did not. Definitely not. He pulled on me as he tried to stand up babbling unrecognizable words I have never heard before. But prepare, this journey continues getting stranger: Not realising that he couldn’t stand alone (he was still leaning with his whole body weight against me), his body tried to reach the door of his home. Knowing that bad things could happen if he leaves his apartment, I feared the fact that he was easily able to overpower me if he wanted to. Panicking and not knowing what to do, I tried to talk to him and hold his arm as firmly as I was able to while taking care of him not falling over. For a short moment of time I became really anxious, because I didn’t know what to do if he left the room. Gladly, he decided it would be better if he falls again over, or better, for me – because now, he started touching me. Like everywhere. To be honest, never ever before was my butt touched so gently as his hands tried to move under my trousers. He didn’t manage to get his hands into “there”, so he started pulling up my jeans by grabbing my belt loops and jumping up with me, pulling my trousers up. Sure, this wasn’t my trip, but it was definitely the strangest and most homoerotic thing I ever experienced.
Slowly but surely, his grip started to loosen and he didn’t refuse to take a seat anymore. As he lied down and closed his frightened eyes, I thought he would begin to come back. Right after he positioned himself comfortably on the couch, the exclamation “my sister wants some of this as well” tore the air asunder - I am sure, she won’t. It looked like the trip was over, because he seemed almost like he slept. I tried to ask if everything was alright. You guessed it, it wasn’t. From the outside perspective, the trip just started to change.
As I dwelled in this other, uncanny but at the same time very familiar world of my parents’ living room furniture, I remember having flashes of other scenes unfolding out of surfaces in my salvia dream. These scenes involved my trip sitter and me basically hugging, while at the same time grabbing things. One thing I remember my hands touching must have been a belt attached to a pair of jeans worn by someone. I found this very confusing since it’s not something that is typically part of a wooden cabinet’s existence. Nevertheless, I intuitively grabbed this belt firmly, because for some reason I felt compelled to grab something. After I noticed what I just did, I put two and two together and thought “hmn… in which situation is it OK to do this… it could well be that you just did something quite silly and embarrassing to your trip sitter.” Later he told me that he did not even wear a belt that day. With these glimpses of the outside world, I noticed for the first time during this trip that what I thought is reality, may not actually be real after all. I felt very confused and out of me.
Out of all surfaces of objects or walls, real or imagined, a myriad of realities started to unfold like out of a slowly turning never-ending flip-book. The really confusing part was, that I really had problems to identify myself in this all-encompassing contraption which was spitting out dimensions out of every surface I looked at or touched. I noticed there was no way all of those dimensions could possibly be real, but I was unable to identify whether my mind produced these worlds or I originated from one of them. I guess this is what depersonalization must feel like and this is exactly how I imagine schizophrenia must be like. I started to notice that I could be a person laying on a couch but I would not have bet on it. It felt much more likely that one of those unfolding worlds could be reality since I was under the strong impression that this is where I originated from. There was so much history and backstory in those imaginary scenes and it felt like my whole family lives in one of those other dimensions, therefore they have the higher chance to be actually real. It felt like my mind was not at the right place.
Even though he considers the idea of the emerging worlds being fake retrospectively, right at the moment of the trip he had no idea. In fact he attempted to convince me I wouldn’t be real. He was so convincing I had to ensure myself he was wrong. I mean, who knows, maybe I’m the one who’s a slave to the matrix. The advantage of this scenery: I don’t have to ingest Salvia to question my reality.
While I tried to tell him he should stay with me in the hopefully real world, he wasn’t listening to me. This wasn’t the end at all because now he stated the real world would be behind the couch. This agenda was so deeply entangled in his thoughts that he tried to argue all over again. Here a little excerpt from our conversation:
Tripper: “You’re sure you are in the real world? I…I mean, my parents…behind the couch.”
Sitter: “Yes, I’m sure. Everything is alright, I’m with you. Just calm down, rest a bit and stay in the real world with me.”
T: “No, I mean, no, you aren’t real. Behind the couch…”
S: “Yes, yes I am. I’m right here. Look at me.”
T: “But, no, I don’t believe you. My childhood, behind me. I’m not sure the front-side is real (pointing at me). The back-side, the back-side is real (pointing at the couch).”
S: “I understand you, but I ensure you, I am real. Just rest a bit, everything will be fine.” – At this point, I also tried to convince myself of the reality of mine and the fact that everything will turn out well. His trip was already lasting for half an hour at this point. I mean, Salvia shouldn’t last that long at this intensity.
T: “But I wanna tell you. Later you won’t understand. I won’t remember everything. Let’s talk about it.”
S: “Let us do this later. You aren’t able to talk right now. I will remember you to tell me.”
T: “Really? Well, maybe then…But no, I…” – He starts to drift away again.
When I thought the trip was ending, I noticed that I suffered from total derealisation. This whole trip can only be described as a multidimensional clusterfuck. I was confused and overwhelmed by the alternative realities presented to me and my inability to recognize the “real reality”.
I was absolutely convinced the real world originated from the inside of my couch and what I could see is not the real world but one of those hallucinated alternative realities. I lost the concept of self. My usual understanding of reality is the following: My mind is the thing that processes perception and creates reality in my brain. I totally forgot this concept and only slowly regained that insight. It was much more plausible that all of reality including my mind is actually inside the couch. When I started to explain this “my couch is the origin of reality”-concept to my trip sitter I noticed how weird and crazy all of this sounds when articulated, but in my thoughts it felt absolutely sound. It took over 40 minutes from smoking the extract until I felt somewhat confident in my evaluation of what is real and what was induced by salvia.
The experience haunted me at night again in my dreams and when I woke up, I felt as if I just relived the salvia madness. I felt confused and a bit anxious in the morning, but I’m sure my grasp of reality had come back and I did not suffer permanent derealisation. However, the salvia experience is so intense and reality shattering that I’m a bit worried to further explore Salvia. The derealisation is so strong for me, it feels like I could get stuck in the trip and permanently lose my mind. Still, the next morning when I left the house, I experienced a great feeling of satisfaction and gratitude to be alive and exist in “this world”, since it is my favourite reality.
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