DOSE: T+ 0:00	150 mg	oral	DXM	(capsule)
T+ 0:20	150 mg	oral	DXM	(capsule)
T+ 0:40	150 mg	oral	DXM	(capsule)

BODY WEIGHT:

60 kg

Last Thursday when I was wandering aimlessly in the city listening to music, I was hesitant about buying or not buying some DXM gelcaps; well, it was Thursday! Thursdays are usually my trip-day once in two weeks, but my usage has gotten more since my last big trip, I had successfully convinced some of my friends to trip with me outside, and we were literally taking between 200-300 every day, sometimes combined with weed. Actually they had decided to take a break in the second week, but I was still using at least once in two days.

I witnessed some interesting stuff at the day, like there were two people (probably father and son) doing magic tricks and stuff. To be honest I was expecting to hear their voice in my head when I’m tripping at night.

Anyway, let’s not get too far from the topic, I didn’t have my Dexbox! Dexbox is a term I use for the box that I usually put my gelcaps inside, to carry them easier and keep them hidden; searching stores and newspaper kiosks to buy a new Dexbox; in the last moment, I made my mind and bought some gums with a box which was excellent to use as a new Dexbox! Plus 30 DXM gelcaps, equivalent to 450 milligrams.

At the home, 2:00 am, I was getting ready to take in the gelcaps, did some meditation; took first 5 caps, 5 more 20 minutes later, 5 more 40 minutes because I puked! Didn’t lose any gelcaps but can’t be sure; watched some videos on internet; it was 4 am, while I was almost past Dexpressure (another term I use for the pressure that hits when DXM kicks in!) but it wasn’t easy for me to type or understand precisely what I’m watching; I convinced myself to do some meditation which I always miss in the higher doses. This is when the interesting stuff happened.

DXM’s high body-load doesn’t let to meditate on sitting positions, so I lied down, closed my eyes…

[flashback to older trips]

There were moments in my older trips, particularly in doses higher than 600 or 900 mgs, 4th plateau, that I was feeling a sense of reaching the end, the end of the line, as far as this substance can possibly take, the sensation that feels like I don’t deserve this, the heavy burden of being the GOD; most simple, yet complicated form of consciousness (I always describe psychedelics like they connect everything together until they eventually reach unity and oneness; in the other hand, dissociatives make everything simpler, until they reach oneness through subtraction, until only one thing remains; which the both states are fundamentally same and the difference is in the way of reaching this state). The magnitude of this state is astonishing, feeling infinite power and the infinite weakness at the same time, I thought this is the end of the line, I was wrong.

I have only spiraled to this state a handful of times, most of the times I literally BEG to be taken there! Stucking behind a barrier! Made from pure darkness, something telling me you have gone enough; go back and enjoy visuals and have fun!

[end of flashback!]

Unexpectedly, I took the lead and went straight to that point! Without waiting be taken; I was meditation daily for the last seven months, didn’t know I have made this much progress, my last 4th plateau experience was at least a year before, this was barely 3d plateau; I was going straight to the point! I reached the place! The same burden, the same weakness blended with power, the same unity. This time instead of getting confused; instead of trying to climb up the ladder; instead of looking for god, I consciously let myself go…
Fell down
Even fell downer from the hyperspace that I was there when I had taken 6 bottles of DXM in my third trip which I never got there afterwards

IT!
That was IT!
That was fucking IT!
I BECAME the thing; BECAME the universe; BECAME the GOD.
EVERYTHING made fucking sense; everything WAS sense! There was NOTHING! PURE SELFLESSNESS; not even a supervisor ego that observes!

There was NO difference! No borders, no barriers, no limits to existence or something to disallow existence; I can type more words but it’s just me shitting to the actual oneness that I became, degrading that with words; That was it! I was being taken out willingly, consciously, getting away from it; seeing that like a distortion or magnification in the hyperspace from distance;
That experience only took like few seconds; but enough to light me up for the next decade! Or even my entire life! it was Life changing! Magnificent! Loving! Astonishingly shocking! So fucking good that I didn’t even resist going away! There wasn’t even an “I” to resist or not.

I can write pages about that moment but it’s not possible to deliver 0.000001 percent of the actual experience; the thing is, it was so powerful that I couldn’t resist more than few seconds; I was trying to pee and I couldn’t; I did a long meditation session after and fall asleep after hearing Dexpeople speaking in my head. (Dexpeople is a term I use for when it feels like people talking in mind in the DXM come-down; my theory about why this phenomenon happens, is that when dissociation happens, parts of the brain get separated and when they get reconnected and reintroduced into each other, they start to communicate; so we feel like people are talking in our head! But if I pay attention I’ll see that I don’t hear actual words or thoughts! It’s like semi-communications with semi-thoughts and semi-words).

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114532
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Jul 1, 2020	Views: 974
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DXM (22) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Glowing Experiences (4), General (1), Unknown Context (20)