DOSE: T+ 0:00	130 mg	oral	Pharms - Memantine	(powder / crystals)
T+ 0:00	1.2 g	oral	Smarts - Phenibut	(powder / crystals)
T+ 1:00	1 cup	oral	Coffee
T+ 0:00			Pharms - Lamotrigine	(daily)
T+ 0:00			Vitamins / Supplements

BODY WEIGHT:

140 lb

Personal notes:

I was 20 at the time of the experience and this was my 5th “trip” with memantine. All trips have been spaced 35 - 37 days apart to mitigate the infamous disso tolerance. No other dissociatives were used in 2020 either. I have high functioning autism, which is an “altered state of consciousness“ of its own, meaning my subjective experience may significantly diverge from the norm. A final note is that 1.2g of phenibut is a recreational dose to me, and likely imparted an effect on the experience. Medications I’m on include lamotrigine, which I continued to take as normal, and bupropion, which I abstained from on the week of the trip. Taurine and Choline bitartrate were supplemented following the trip.

Set: My mood was fairly decent at the time, my intentions were realistically just to get high as a kite, with introspective details being a bonus.

Setting: My house and yard. This was during the middle of summer break between college semesters, I did not have a summer job because of the coronavirus pandemic. That being said, I did not need to worry about being messed up for a while.

T -18:00 The day before the experience, I weighed out 130mg of memantine with my milligram scale and dissolved it into a half filled water bottle. I then weighed 1.2g of phenibut and 1g of taurine and placed the powders dry into a paper cup. I place both items well away from any place that people or animals could accidentally reach for safety. I go about the day normally and enjoy the severe even Florida weather. My dreams were somewhat unsettling, but did not perturb my mood all too much.

T +0:00 I awake at six in the morning naturally and proceed to retrieve the drugs. I consume the Memantine solution first, noting it’s strange almost “alien” minty taste. The phenibut and taurine are dissolved in water and consumed together as a solution. The early hours of the morning proceed normally, with the chores being done before the onset. I decided to also go outside and take a gander at Venus and The Moon in the dawn sky. I begin to feel the vague effects of dissociation begin to creep in.

T+ 0:30 The onset of the memantine begins as I’m playing some clash of clans on the couch. My cat also comes by to pay a visit and antagonizes my ability to successfully raid as hard as the memantine wants to antagonize my NMDA receptors.

T+ 1:00 It is now 7 in the morning and I am rapidly approaching the long plateau I will call home for the rest of the day. I sit on the kitchen floor and my body is feeling numb. My mood is simultaneously neutral and good, though there was no way the phenibut was playing a role as that takes at least 2 hours to kick in for me. My mom wakes up and puts on the Today Show and I am welcomed by the warm embrace of coronavirus news and “In these difficult times” commercials. My morning interactions are completely normal as I can handle the “wonkiness” of memantine really easily. Not wanting to get a headache, I make a small coffee to feed my physiological caffeine addiction I’m too lazy to try to fix.

T+ 2:00 My mom goes to work and I have the place to myself, sort of, as my brother sleeps very late into the day. I decide to go outside into the backyard to listen to music on my phone and enjoy the fresh air. Moving was not an issue and using the railings/walls and taking it slow was more than enough to keep steady. The act of moving felt more like my brain “executing a script of code” then a natural process. I settle into the backyard hammock, feeling especially weightless and put on my “disso playlist”. The music enhancement is especially noticeable with nostalgic songs and ambient music. The song “Dragostea Din Tei” was especially fun to listen to.

T+ 5:00 After a few hours of enjoying the outdoors, I decide to head inside and put on some YouTube. At this point, I am completely detached from my environment. Things around me look exactly the same, but my connection to them seems broken. When watching videos, I coincidentally stumble upon a video about “liminal spaces”. This is interesting as the sense of vague familiarity and being on the threshold of reality sums up the headspace I am in near perfectly.

T+ 7:00 At this point, my brother is awake and watching TV in the living room, my interactions are completely normal. I decide to head into my bedroom and my cat yet again hops on the bed to see me. At this point, my mind’s eye to process “cutenesses” or “innate familiarity” to animals or people is gone, causing my cat to look weird. Also, I could not feel the incredibly soft fur of my cat due to extreme tactile suppression. Nonetheless, I chill with her anyways because I love my cat. I hop on the computer and play Rimworld for an hour, but put the difficulty down because I don’t want to f*** up my base whilst high as hell.

T+ 14:00 The rest of the day proceeds pleasantly. The phenibut brings forth a jovial “childlike” mild euphoria. I ended up watching videos about a video game named “Kenshi” and note to myself to buy it when I return to baseline. [Which I did.] Being the evening, I also decided to take a shower. I light a candle and turn off all artificial lights. This is the only true “hallucinogenic” part of the experience. Between the displaced tactile sensation of water hitting my skin and the dim light of the room was enough to throw off my mind and senses. Sitting on the shower floor, I was able to “conjure up” dark landscapes. Some examples include a rainy street at night, a blue crystalline city and a green decaying bedroom. The sound of the water would constantly change in pitch and the sensation of it hitting my skin would allow for full on kinesthetic hallucination. I ended up taking a half hour shower and had a fascinating time seeing how much I could push the “hallucinations”.

Looking into the bathroom mirror, my brain’s ability to recognize the “humanity” of myself was severely diminished. I could subconsciously recognize myself and there were no objective distortions, but the reflection just seemed completely off. The uncanny valley effect perfectly describes this abnormality of perception.

T+ 18:00 It was now midnight and I decided to go to sleep. I took 2g of taurine before heading off to sleep. I slept like a rock and had pleasant, toned down dreams.

T+ 24:00 I wake up feeling still wonky and intoxicated, though nowhere as much as yesterday. I take the day easy and enjoy the persistent feeling of joy and wonderlust. The day had some extremely subtle hallucinogenic qualities, but complete focus was needed to notice it. Video games and videos still seemed much more immersive than normal, leading me to indulge in them.

T+ 48:00 By the third day, I feel dull and out of it. The joyful feelings have been depleted. The day is taken easy yet again. Keeping things simple and positive activities partially negated the negative feelings. I also tried to eat acidic foods to expedite elimination.

T+ 72:00 On the fourth day, I am nearly at baseline.

Personal Subjective Effects Summary: Physical and mental detachment, bodily numbness, blunting of environmental familiarity, blunting of facial recognition, blunted ability to discern beauty, temporary asexuality, feelings of existential “liminality“ (“Feeling like reality is illusive, feelings of only being partially real or connected to the world”), jovial and friendly demeanor (likely heavily influenced by the phenibut), childlike wonder, altered thought patterns, increased proclivity to the fantastical and CEVs (dull geometries/colors and landscapes) under ideal conditions.

Overall, I rate the experience a 8/10 in enjoyably, 7/10 in novelty and a 6.5/10 in insightfulness.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114624
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: Aug 12, 2020	Views: 3,246
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