Citation: alphabetsoups. "Something Very Sinister About It: An Experience with Methamphetamine (exp114840)". Erowid.org. Oct 27, 2020. erowid.org/exp/114840
I picked up some meth the other day because I was curious about it. To my knowledge it was very high quality crystal. Today I binged on it from 6 A.M. to 4 P.M. snorting bumps every 1-2 hours.
What did it feel like? Immediately after my first bump, I felt mildly anxious and edgy. It was uncomfortable, but I wanted to feel the rush that users always talk about… So I took another bump. Things got more intense and I felt excited but not really euphoric. I think it made me too anxious to be euphoric.
Things got more intense and I felt excited but not really euphoric. I think it made me too anxious to be euphoric.
I kept redosing, but I spaced bumps out carefully so as to not go overboard. It certainly was addictive in this way; I always felt compelled to take “just one more bump”, even if I didn’t like how it made me feel.
I was not enjoying this drug. The “high” felt more like a panic attack that got more severe with each dose. I kept having spasms throughout my body. I had strong tremors many times throughout the day. Not long into the binge, I started to feel like I was toying with my life. The only task I could focus on was Googling things like “Am I going to be okay” “Heart attack symptoms” “Too much meth” over and over. I literally looked these things up repeatedly all day and nothing else. I would open computer games to play them but every time I’d immediately begin looking up stuff on the internet instead and forget about it. I really couldn’t focus on anything. And I was so scared of what might happen to me today.
I feel like I may have missed the “rush” meth users are supposed to get because I was too afraid to take a dose high enough for that. Every dose just made me feel one step closer to death. Or perhaps I did experience the rush… there were some moments of “coming up” that felt… exciting, but I didn’t find them to be euphoric or pleasurable. Whenever I dosed, the main thing I felt was the existing negative or neutral symptoms getting more intense.
Once I realized I could easily die or injure myself permanently when looking for the rush, it didn’t sound so appealing to me.
After my last dose, I could still feel the meth inside me for hours. At around 8 PM my pulse skyrocketed and I suddenly felt very hot. I could hardly breathe and whenever I stood up I was dizzy. Needless to say, I was terrified and Googling all kinds of stuff. I thought I would go unconscious any minute. I didn’t want to call an ambulance because of my parents so I didn’t know what to do.
Whatever that was, it suddenly went away by 10 PM. I seem to have been coming down since then as of this report… Very, very slowly. But I can now focus enough to write this. I don’t know if I’ll get any sleep tonight, but that’s fine. I’m just glad I’m safe and sound.
I was planning on trying smoking meth next weekend. The way things actually went, though, was me flushing it all down the toilet with no regrets.
Meth is fucking evil. I’ve taken Adderall and Methylphenidate and enjoyed them, but meth is a different beast. There’s something very sinister about it.
I have been curious about hard drugs recently, and meth was the first one I got to try. It stopped me dead in my tracks. I don’t want to touch anything like this again.
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.