Have You Had a Belief Changing
Psychedelic Experience?
Take this Survey from our friends at Johns Hopkins
Center for Psychedelic and Consciousness Research!
Reborn Through the Cosmic Vagina
LSD & Cannabis
by GiantJ
Citation:   GiantJ. "Reborn Through the Cosmic Vagina: An Experience with LSD & Cannabis (exp114851)". Erowid.org. Oct 17, 2020. erowid.org/exp/114851

 
DOSE:
1 hit oral LSD
    smoked Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT: 54 kg


This is a true story of my experience of entering what I call "The Abyss" in a time where I was going through a really rough patch in my life, and feeling completely healed by it.

For a bit of background, I am a health professional and my job is to help others who are struggling with issues in their lives. On the side, I have researched and published academic articles on the use of psychedelics for therapeutic and recreational purposes. I am happily married and a mother of 2. I was struggling recently with family issues, as my dad has developed a severe alcohol use disorder and is in a DV relationship, and I have tried in futility to help him for the past 2 years. I was coming to terms with the fact that I could not help him, and my dad has been the most important man in my life since I was born, my hero. I was experiencing severe anxiety and feelings of insecurity and abandonment for several weeks.
I was experiencing severe anxiety and feelings of insecurity and abandonment for several weeks.


In October 2020 I decided to take an LSD trip with my husband. I have a lot of experience with psychedelics and have had many profound experiences.

We had been to dinner and had a lovely evening with approx. 2 glasses of wine. We came home and put the kids to bed. I took 1 tab of LSD and did what I usually do, hula hooping and listening to cool music. I felt sick at some point and went and lay down outside with my husband. I was feeling pretty trippy, a bit of visuals and the well-known changes in overall perception and consciousness, nothing profound at this point. I had expected to cry and process the stuff that was going on with my dad but not much was really coming to the surface.

I set up a "nest" inside with comfy blankets and candlelight and my husband and I made love. I smoked a little cannabis after that. I felt tired and uncomfortable and at that point I was probably in the peak of my trip. I remember a feeling of forgetfulness, like I would forget what I was doing, where I was going in the house, and this was unusual but I put it down to the cannabis (I'm not a regular cannabis user). I told my husband I was going to bed.

I went into the bedroom and turned off the light. I instantly entered a most unusual state that I have never experienced before. I can’t even say “experienced” is the right word, because I was not in my body to be able to experience anything. It was like I spontaneously did not exist, there was no time or space, no body, only black. I gradually came back into my senses and I had no idea who I was or where I was, I had no idea of my life history or any other person in my life, it was complete amnesia and I was disoriented in the room. I managed to find the light switch and turning on the light in the room helped me to piece together my identity gradually. I still felt really tired but I decided to try to sleep with the light on because I was concerned that I might forget who I was again.

This time with closed eyes I experienced some close-eye visuals. I don’t really remember the nature of them, detailed undulating imagery and patterns. I had the urge to peel back the layers and keep going underneath each visual to see what was behind it. It was like looking under a rug to find another rug that you need to look under. Eventually there was a black opening, like a crack in the overall visual. I edged closer to it in my consciousness (as I was just lying in bed this whole time with eyes closed). I entered the abyss for a second time, the same thing as what happened with the light off, complete black, nothingness. I once again forgot who I was and had to piece it together. There was no emotion attached to this process, no fear or elation, it just was.

After re-entering this realm of reality for the second time, I thought of my dad. I felt intense emotional pain. I envisioned all the terrible things I fear for him and allowed myself to see them and feel everything that I had been avoiding. I did not go to sleep, I went upstairs and told my husband about the abyss experience. I was not very surprised by it or entirely amazed. It just felt like a normal thing to happen really. He was very intrigued and referred to it as “the cosmic vagina” (some sort of pop culture reference, I believe). I described it to him as though my brain was “rebooted”, a “factory reset” on my consciousness, if you will.

Since then almost a week has passed, and I am feeling so much better within myself. I do not feel anxious, or when I do, I can view it and process it immediately. I am still sad and feel some degree of emotional pain about my dad, and the situation has not resolved, but it does not take over my life anymore.

Overall, I feel that I was reborn through the cosmic vagina and it healed by emotional problems for now. I am thankful for this experience.

Exp Year: 2020ExpID: 114851
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 32 
Published: Oct 17, 2020Views: 201
[ View as PDF (for printing) ] [ View as LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Switch Colors ]
LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Combinations (3)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults