Citation: JohnnyM. "A New Cosmology: An Experience with LSD, DMT, Alprazolam & Cannabis (exp114961)". Erowid.org. Jun 3, 2021. erowid.org/exp/114961
||(blotter / tab)
| T+ 0:45
||Pharms - Alprazolam
||(pill / tablet)
| T+ 3:13
||(pill / tablet)
| T+ 5:25
Endless hills and melting signposts cloud over this come-up, acid-dipped memories of last summers half-baked foray into an entheogenic nightmare. I can feel my insides, every inch - stomach flips, tremors they come with the territory but what I'm feeling is something else. Something existential. A mistake?
I glance up, desperately searching for another thought and that's when it hits me ... I'm in the trip, I have been for sometime. Panic sets in, I can barely see, the visuals are so intense - a whole multi-verse projected onto the ceiling and I can hear the walls whispering. I attempt to reset; reconfigure; recollect, send my mind back to the distant beginning. How did we get here? How long since we dosed?
Six tabs - Hofmann blotters - three for me, three for my brother and a sprinkle of Alprazolam to take the edge off. Movies, music, fisheye vision and then, all of a sudden, a breach in the collective cool: we left the apartment. How did I forget that? Sudden flashes of Kubrickian hallways and hyperdimensional staircases flood my vision but something's missing, something important ... my psychedelic co-pilot!
And, eerily on cue, he emerges, alive and well, from what appears to be a bathroom in this spacefaring bedsit. We embrace, it's been so long but idle chit-chat can wait as I soon learn there are more pressing matters at hand. Hysterical, he waves the DMT in my face, babbling all kinds of nonsense about peaks and troughs but he made one thing abundantly clear "it's time to meet the elves". I drop my self-remembering exercise and pick up the vape pen.
One. Clean. Hit. Almost immediately reality drops its facade; a place once familiar now completely alien, the geography is all wrong, I feel upside down. Mentally, I'm even more lost than I was before - not only do I not know what I'm doing, I don't know where I am, how I am, or even who I am. "This is intense", the echo of my brother's commentary grounds me for a fleeting moment and we silently acknowledge that we are, in fact, in the same trip.
Another hit and this is where things start to get weird. Mayan hieroglyphs imprint themselves on the air around me, these yellow-orange wheels of complex information flicking on and off, on and off. I close my eyes and fall deep into kaleidoscopic madness; ancient cities built before my very eyes as I sit on the edge of the universe in conversation with beings made out of mandalas, awe and wonder have officially taken over. At one point I must've opened my eyes, though I didn't realize it; a seamless transition unless, of course, they were never shut. The hieroglyphs, now even more pronounced, have my undivided attention and suddenly a booming voice from above instructs me to inhale two more hits - that voice, in retrospect, was not God but rather my, equally high, brother.
These hits were not smooth, a lot of coughing and wheezing followed but that accidentally lead to a remarkable discovery. The hieroglyphics responded to frequency and thus I figured if I could just find the right vibration, they'd decrypt themselves. So, like Dennis McKenna in La Chorrera, I begin chanting and humming as loud as I could, the air buzzed with anticipation and, within a blink, I hit the note. Instantaneously, not only were the hieroglyphics as clear as day but I'd unintentionally shepherded the entire DMT trip into 'reality', too - briefly, in that room, man and myth blended as one. Focusing proved far too difficult and overwhelming, I could hardly move, frozen still as a temporary portal for the ineffable.
After about twenty minutes, things began to calm down and I found myself in the hallway alongside my brother both of us determined to go for walk. A curious thought crept up on me, I initially dismissed it but it just kept nagging at me until I finally listened "you've been here before" and, it was right, I had. I'd walked these very corridors, these staircases in the same manner as I was walking them right now. How did we get here? My stomach dropped ... it's a loop. Not a thought loop, a time loop, I've fallen through time and I'm reliving what I missed. Where am I? Really? Did we even leave the apartment?
Time jump. I'm smoking THC, wandering through the empty streets. I try to remember the route we came but I can't and the idea that we never left the apartment is becoming more and more appealing. Another jump, traffic lights now, still smoking, we're in the city centre, I think? but on closer analysis, all the store signs appear to be written in Sanskrit. My brother seems to know where he's going but I don't, I grab onto him half believing the ground is about to swallow me up and I ask "how long have we been walking?"... "about an hour". I've never felt terror like that before in my life. Blank spots in my memory, no idea where I was, and time felt more like a construct than ever.
Sensing trouble, my brother ushers me back into his apartment, locks the door, and puts me to bed. It felt like the trip was endless, that I'd always been in it. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to be in a more limited headspace. I rest my eyes and, for a brief second, I go astral before passing out completely.
I wake up six hours later with an aching head and even more questions. I must be honest, as I write this I don't feel as if I've fully recovered from the effects of my experience last night, which feels both radically profound and utterly pointless. I wish I could say that I learnt something but I really don't know if I did.
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