DOSE:

500 mg

insufflated

Ketamine

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

115 lb

It was the summer after my sophomore year in college when I was first introduced to Ketamine. It had started raining, and my boyfriend, Allen, had convinced me that nothing was better than tripping on acid in the rain. I called my friend, Wes, looking for LSD. I was disappointed to learn that he didn't have any acid, but something he called 'Special K' instead. I had never heard of this drug, but he promised an out of body experience that would put acid to shame.

The drug came in a powder form, 75 bucks for a gram. Allen and I had only planned on spending around $30 for the acid, so we decided to try and conserve the Ketamine as much as possible. We each snorted two small bumps to test it out.

On our walk from the kitchen to the front porch, less than two minutes later, Allen stopped in the hallway, braced himself on the wall and said, 'Holy Shit... do you feel it yet?' I said I didn't and we went outside to watch the rain. As we were sitting on the swing, I wondered if I had wasted my money. Allen said he was lightly tripping, and we had to stop swinging. I began to taste an awful drip in the back of my throat. As I stood up to get a glass of water, it hit me. At first, I felt a little off balance. I tried to walk, but I felt as though I couldn't bend my knees. I made it inside and back out with my water, walking with stiff legs. Allen was laughing at me and he asked me how I felt now. 'Crunchy' was the only word I could think of to describe it. The feeling was interesting, but I wasn't sure if I liked it yet. I felt completely normal again after about twenty minutes.

Allen didn't get the same stiff feeling that I had. He said that he would have tried to walk, but the swing was holding him down. He called one of his frat brothers to come try it with us. We each did two bumps again, and I had the same feeling in my legs. Allen's friend said that he felt as though his body was made of wood, and that he too found it difficult to walk. We all decided that we kind of liked it, but that it wasn't really anything to get excited about.

Three days later, I was sitting with Wes in his apartment. He asked me what I thought about the Ketamine.

'It was ok.' I said, 'We did two bumps each, and then two more about an hour later with Allen's friend.' I told him that we still had most of it left. We hadn't done any more after that day.

Wes said that we had barely taken enough to even feel it, and that a Ketamine trip intensifies with a higher dosage. I was suprised to learn this, as I was used to taking small amounts of other drugs, such as ice. He told me about something called a K-hole, and how intense it could be. I was eager to try again.

'I will split a gram with you if you want to do it right now, free of charge,' Wes said. Of course I said yes.

He warned me not to freak out, and said that no matter what I thought was happening, I would be ok in about 45 minutes. I went ahead and poured a glass of water. I was ready.

It was not even a full minute before I started feeling it this time. I was glad I was sitting down. I felt 'crunchy' again, but that feeling went away shortly, replaced with the feeling that I didn't have any bones in my body. Until this point, I was still expecting an effect similar to LSD. I was definitely feeling the out-of-body sensation, but it was nothing like acid. There were no bright colors or melting objects like there are with LSD. K made everything personal, it had a deeper meaning, and it was still getting stronger.

Kruder and Dormeister was playing on the stereo. I felt like the music was the soundtrack to my life. Wes and I hadn't said a word to each other. I looked over at him. He was staring off into nothing, his face was completely blank. 'He's dead', I thought to myself. For a split second I panicked. That's when it happened.

I suddenly realized that I was no longer a part of a world shared by everyone. This world was made just for me. Everything that existed was put here in my world for my enjoyment. Wes wasn't dead because I didn't want him to be. I felt selfish. Did anyone else realize that the world we live in was made for me, or were all people under the impression that we were equally important in this world? No, that couldn't be right. Everyone must live in their own world, made especially for them. Each person is made up of a unique combination of life experiences, and we will never know what it is like to live in someone else's personal world. Only those who try Ketamine will get the chance to visit their own world. I had a brand new outlook on life, and I felt honored to be one of the chosen few.

My thought was interrupted by Wes, 'I was just in Heaven, not like, with God or anything, but somewhere like that. It was the coolest thing.'

'Whoa...I just figured out the meaning of life,' I said.

I didn't know how long we had been sitting there, but it seemed like days. I had to go to the bathroom really bad. I looked at the bathroom door, which seemed like it was a mile away. I wondered if it would be ok if I just went ahead and wet myself. I decided to try for the bathroom. When I stood up to walk, my legs were stiff again. All of a sudden I realized what was wrong with my knees. I was a robot! It was difficult to walk because I was still learning the controls. Every step was an effort, but I knew I would make it. I looked down at my feet and realized that I didn't have to walk anyway. I was moving across the floor like I was on an invisible conveyer belt just above the carpet. I floated the rest of the way into the bathroom with no effort.

Peeing was easier than I thought it would be. I looked into the mirror above the sink. I wasn't surprised to see that I looked dead, too. I wondered if Wes really was dead out there in the living room. That would explain why he was in Heaven. Where was I? This was too good to be Hell, but I knew it wasn't Heaven. It must be Purgatory. I was somewhere in between. Then I thought that I wasn't dead yet, but that I was about to die. I wasn't afraid at all, just curious about how things would be after life was over. I realized that I had a choice to make: stay here or let myself die? I decided that I should stay here just in case Wes wasn't really dead. What would he do with my body if I left him here? If I chose to go, could I ever come back? In that moment, I realized that it didn't matter because death was no longer what I had always thought it was.

I walked back out to the couch. This time, walking was easy. The carpet felt like a huge marshmallow and my feet were sinking in with every step. I was bouncing, and I thought I would lose my balance, but I didn't. I felt very satisfied with myself. I was starting to come down. It was very gradual, and I pictured myself as a feather slowly floating back down to the ground. I knew it wouldn't hurt when I landed.

Wes said he was coming down, too. I asked him if it had been 45 minutes, but he didn't know. We began to share what we had just experienced. It was strange knowing that we were both in the same room the entire time, but both of us were on our own completely different journey. He described himself as another being, living in Heaven, or a Heaven-like place, not an alien or angel, but a different form of life that had no features or gender. He could see people cooking, driving, and doing normal things, but they couldn't see him. He was able to read their minds, and he felt sorry for them. He was fascinated by this new ability.

'So you were God?' I asked.

'No. It wasn't like that at all. I can't explain it, I just know what it felt like...What did you see? Tell me about the meaning of life.'

I said, ' Life is all about control. I realized that everyone lives in their own world, and they can have control over what happens to them if they learn how. Anyone can be completely free if they let themselves do it. It's kind of like lucid dreaming.

I also learned that there is no such thing as death. I was on the borderline of dying, and I got to choose whether I wanted to stay here or go ahead and leave this world. I decided to stay because I didn't know if I could come back if I let myself die. Besides leaving my empty body here, I don't think anything would have been different than it is now. For some reason, I knew that death was only real to those who are still alive. Death is something that living humans made up so that they could cope with it. Humans feel the need to find logic in everything. They can't fathom the thought of infinity.'

'So it's like a religious thing then?' He asked me.

But it wasn't. It was a state of mind. Those of us who find our personal world will understand life. Death can only exist in a world based on logic. I have experienced the personal world. Have you?

Exp Year: 2001	ExpID: 11503
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Sep 8, 2004	Views: 957
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