Citation: TheDragonoxx. "The Devil Inside: An Experience with DMT & Cannabis (exp115095)". Erowid.org. Jan 27, 2021. erowid.org/exp/115095
**First time using DMT** I bought a gram of DMT from my co-worker and took 60mg when I got home. My method of consumption was a little bit of ganja at the bottom, 60mg of DMT crystals in the middle, with a little bit more ganja on top.
10:50 PM: I pack the bowl up as described above and begin preparing myself. In a minute I would come to understand none of my preparation actually "prepared" me.
10:52 PM: I hit the bong for as long as I can and set it down and hold in the smoke, waiting for it to kick in. I did not have to wait long. As soon as that thought passed, it kicked in instantly. I was definitely not ready for it, the sudden intensity of it. I thought I understood this a little bit, having read countless trip reports. In that instant, everything became hexagonal and had a blue-purple-grey-black tint to it. Then the loudest, most intense vibrational frequency was creeping up in volume to the point it was all I could hear. After what seemed like 30 minutes, everything then became fractal in nature. That's the best I can describe it at least. My cat walked into my field of vision and she was just a blurred geometrical object, having no real meaning or shape. I could barely comprehend it was my cat. I looked at my Star Wars posters for a while and they made no sense, but to be fair, in the state I was in, nothing actually made sense. I had question after question racing through my mind, but there were no answers. I found this odd because of all the trip reports saying they met entities of the subconscious/wherever you believe they reside.
Then, the questions stopped and I started to freak the fuck out. I literally forgot to breathe. That when I started to dry heave for what seemed like an eternity. after that stopped, I still could not breathe. I kept thinking this is what drowning must feel like. I literally felt as though I was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it. Then this extreme, horrifying feeling of terror and dread washed over me like a wave. I felt as though I was feeling not some entity's presence, but the devil inside me making his presence known. I took on a shadowy mass at the end of the hallway I was staring at. I was confronting the evil that can reside in all our hearts, and I have never been so scared in my entire life.
By now, the visuals had changed to shooting spirals of white light, like the good in me was trying to fight off the devil inside me. Then, the colors changed in the room, it was far more vibrant and had many more colors. But that soon faded back to the dark hues I mentioned earlier. This time, the hexagons were elongated and moving, sort of like the code in the Matrix. I felt like I was seeing the source code of spacetime. It was far too much to comprehend, especially for my first time using this. All the while this was happening, my body did not exist. I could feel pants, but I could not see my hand touching them. It was a true out of body experience. I was still not having a good time, still struggling to catch my breath, which was slowly coming back to me. I then did the first thing that came to mind and yelled out to my brother who was down the hall in his room. I yelled his name three or four times and he came out and immediately knew what to do. He kept repeating "breathe" and "just hold my hand."
After what seemed to be 10 or fifteen minutes of him being there, I slowly came back into reality. At this point my eyes had been closed for a long time, as I just couldn't bear to confront the shadowy mass of my inner evil. I saw these beams of spiraling light again and I had the urge to open my eyes. The glow coming from my brother seemed to bathe me in a warm, comforting light. He brought me back from ultimate despair. After I saw that, almost in an instant, everything was looked normal. I still had a slight feeling of dread and my body felt very weak. I sat in my chair for a while after, until I thought I could walk. I felt better and better as the minutes passed. I opened a bag of cheddar Chex Mix and started digesting what I just went through.
11:04 PM: The trip has now been over for about 7 minutes. All of what I experienced happened in just 5 minutes. I feel as though it could have been a bit longer, but I wanted it to end so badly that I believe I forced myself out of that realm and was subsequently able to call out to my brother from help getting all the way back into my body. My first thoughts about this, was nothing made sense at all, but once I got out of it, it seemingly made perfect sense. I fell as though I better understand the evil within my heart and what it is truly capable of. I feel more in control of it now than I used to be. It used this terrifying experience to teach me something about myself. To teach me about the evil that can manifest in all of us and subsequently how to control it. Simply, I needed to fully confront it, which I did not. I was scared of it, but because of that, I have a new respect for it.
I feel as though I need to do this again to fully understand myself so I can truly breakthrough past myself and get the answers to the questions I was asking in the first place. Looking back, it was the evil in me that prevented me from going any further, of that I am sure. I felt as though I was on the precipice of complete ego death and fully breaking through. It was the weird limbo state where I was not myself, but I was at the same time. Truly very difficult to describe. But, I have to first conquer that evil before I can move forward. I am just not ready to hear the answers to my questions yet, and that is perfectly fine.
It was nothing like what I could imagine. I have personally taken mushrooms and LSD many, many times and have never, ever had a bad trip. I gave myself a false sense of security thinking because I have taken high doses of both LSD and mushrooms, I am at least partially prepared for the experience of DMT. I was very wrong and I subsequently had my first bad trip. I did not enjoy it at all.
But the crazy thing is, now that it's over, it was also amazing and truly eye-opening. I couldn't fully comprehend it until it was over. I will say it didn't turn me off to DMT or psychedelics. One thing I fully realize and want to reiterate, this is not a substance to mess around with and do on a whim. I did it on a whim and I paid a price, but also gained something in return.
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