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I Had to Make Myself Breathe
DMT
by Anarchy Annie
Citation:   Anarchy Annie . "I Had to Make Myself Breathe: An Experience with DMT (exp115178)". Erowid.org. Mar 28, 2021. erowid.org/exp/115178

 
DOSE:
2 hits smoked DMT

BODY WEIGHT: 120 lb


Where's Your Head At

After several years of sparse use ( only as a cleansing or "reset" for spiritual health maintenance) I had seen alot and had amazing rejuvenating experiences with DMT. But I came into a dark period of life, after a traumatic experience at work ( I'm an escort and had a really dangerous date) a toxic friend of mine suggested to smoke some with her. I told her I didn't think I would feel anything, and didnt want to disrespect the drug by using it when my mind was obviously not right. She persisted and i took a hit to be open minded....maybe she was right, maybe it would beneficial at such a pivotal moment I could gain advice from the universe.

However, I felt absolutely nothing. I didn't have any kind of alteration to my senses or perception. Nope. Nothing. My mind simply wasn't in the right place and I felt ashamed and guilty for disrespecting the DMT experience. I stopped for a few years, until I was ready ( so I thought) for the insight delivered via the spirit molecule. So I took the biggest bong rip I've ever taken of any substance in my life and laid back watching a fractal video. Soon, I felt like I was going to die. Visuals,check, cool body waves, check, all senses under euphoria, check. But...I had a prevailing realization, I'm dying. Why? I go thru a mental checklist ... am I bleeding profusely? No. Am I drowning? No...but I am not breathing. Observed....a .... moment....yep that's the problem. I'm not breathing. Why is that happening? I then had to make myself breathe.
Observed....a .... moment....yep that's the problem. I'm not breathing. Why is that happening? I then had to make myself breathe.
It is the craziest action. We don't have to think ourselves to breathe. It's an automatic reaction we do subconsciously. ..we just breathe.

I'm thinking how weird this thought process is... I've never had to make myself breathe. For the remaining 10 minutes of my trip I had to make myself breathe....okay lungs breathe, mouth open, windpipe inhale....all the involuntary steps of breathing I had to manually think. It was so bizarre. DMT tired to kill me, and it did it the following DMT session as well. I was suicidal and I suppose DMT was showing me what I secretly desired. My head again, was NOT in the right place...I left the toxic relationship I was in and can now enjoy DMT trips as normal. Path to enlightenment resume. But we must respect ourselves first and foremost before anything or everything else will.

Exp Year: 2020ExpID: 115178
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 37 
Published: Mar 28, 2021Views: 190
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DMT (18) : Difficult Experiences (5), Retrospective / Summary (11), Various (28)

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