DOSE:

100 ug

LSD

BODY WEIGHT:

117 lb

On Acid

On the Flirtations of a Cheeky Blue Light
A string of colorful Christmas lights were prominent in my narrowed field of vision, newly affected by the LSD working their way through my brain. As I stared at the string of lights, the insides became brighter and ballooned slowly in size, while the outside shape of the light remained the same. It was a game we played. When I looked away, they would shrink. Every time I looked back they would grow. Except for one. That cheeky blue light. He was a little more flirtatious than the rest. He gave me extra attention with his brilliance and intensity- his color shining just a bit brighter, his size growing just a bit more than the rest. Trying to impress me and catch my attention like a bird pluming his feathers to impress a potential mate. He was winking at me. And I liked it. Like a schoolgirl in the playground, I giggled.

On The Struggle To Melt to the Other Side
I felt, at once, the feeling of being in both the Real world and the Other world. As the chemicals were taking over I understood I was existing in both and was trying to transition my body fully over to the other side. My mind was conditioned and ready for just this moment- reminding myself to give in and let go… Let go. LET GO! Why isn’t it letting go? I was feeling heavy in my chair and the faux fur on the rocking chair in my vision was very much alive and flowing like a polar bear underwater. But I was still stuck. Stuck between two worlds, stuck melting in my chair. Go with it, don’t hold on. I didn’t think I was holding on; in fact, I was trying to force myself to the other side like someone demanding themselves to fall asleep. Futile. Sinking. Then a face appeared in my field of vision. One of my sober sitters Amanda. She said in a very calm and cheerful voice, “Hey! Do you maybe wanna go outside?” I thought how preposterous! After all this hard thinking and progress to get where I was (which was stuck in limbo), not to mention the fact that I was immobile, she wants me to ruin it by going outside? I sat up just a bit to tell her I physically was unable to do so. But then I noticed I could sit up. Hey, maybe even stand. I stood and we went outside and just like a snap of the fingers I had made it to the other realm of existence.

On A Faraway Touch
Just as the stairs turned into quicksand and my feet disappeared I had a similar experience with a chocolate lindt ball. One of our sober sitters knew our love of lindt balls and she carefully unwrapped a couple and gave one to Lee and one to me. Lee, ecstatic with joy, immediately popped it into his mouth. I had similar aspirations but as soon as ball hit hand a whole new sensation overtook my attention. The ball. In my hand. How amazingly foreign it felt. I rolled the smooth chocolate around and around in my hand feeling two conflicting sensations. I could see it in my hand, but it felt faraway. I felt the nearness in my palm but as it touched my index and middle finger it was as if it were touching my skin from a distant space. A faraway touch. I continued to play with this nearness and farness sensation, completely forgetting my intention to eat the chocolate ball itself.

On What A Kiss Feels Like
Because Lee loves me and I love him at one point he wanted to express this to me with a kiss. He kissed me on the lips. His face pressed into my face. Mouth skin on mouth skin. Isn’t it funny, this face mouth skin smooshing to face mouth skin is a way humans express love? Human, you’re funny. I giggled. And that’s what a kiss felt like.

On Falling Into Paintings
Our fabulous trip experience curator provided us with some fascinating works of art- postcards of MC Escher’s work, and two paintings. One was Claude Monet’s Sunset In Venice, and the other was Van Gogh’s The Starry Night. Brilliant. Lee had already found the fascination of staring at artwork and said to me wide eyed, “Heidi, you have to look at these!”. I started with the Escher postcards. What a trip. His piece called Snakes depicts a disc of interlocking circles that grow progressively smaller towards the center and towards the edge, with interlocking snakes around the outside. Sober me felt uneasy about it, because snakes, but Acid me loved to watch it breathe. The circles expanded and contracted and spiraled. I was also drawn to Stars which depicts two chameleons in a polyhedral cage floating through space. The cage became an optical illusion and kept changing its orientation in space. Different parts of the points would expand to the foreground then recede to the background constantly shifting shape.

But the paintings. I fell into the paintings. The Starry Night’s swoops and swirls twirled and the painting came alive under my eyes. The moon would grow brighter and brighter and the wind swirls drew me in and whirled around- dancing in my eyes. The painting grew. So much that it enveloped me and I was then in it- circling with the winds and growing with the glowing yellow moon. The Sunset In Venice was an experience of color and of the macro. I fell into this one as well and the color covered me whole. The color turned into fractals of polyominos that shifted at the same time in clocklike left turns. Clearly we needed some alone time to get intimate with these paintings away from sober starers so we went into a darkened bedroom and laid on the bed getting lost in our paintings. Then Lee had an excellent idea. There was a painting on the wall across from us. On the count of three, we put our paintings down, then LOOK. 1.. 2… 3! We gazed upon the painting. What one might consider an ordinary painting of a snow covered cabin beside snow covered redwoods was at once a new world of experience. The peaked roof of the cabin morphed upwards to an elongated point then shrank back down while at the same time the trees would melt in a circular motion to the right turning its tops over the cabin. As this morphic melting hypnotized me the painting itself grew and rotated on its axis. As it grew it too consumed me and once again I fell into the painting.

On Amanda in LoftLand
We took a trip to LoftLand. It started with an epic scale of steep wooden stairs. The stairs turned into quicksand which my feet quickly sunk into with each ascending step. The quicksand stairs engulfed my feet until by the top of the steps they no longer existed, leaving me to guess where my disappeared feet might find the last few steps. It was so much fun I wanted to do it again and again but got distracted by a most amazing optical illusion. As I ducked my head from the low peaked roof Lee instructed me to sit beside him and look. Just look! Look how large this room is! The small loft had extended itself. Lee instructed our friend Amanda to sit in the corner and see just how far away she looked. And sure enough, there, in a faraway corner of a faraway LoftLand sat a tiny version of Amanda. The 6ft between us tripled. Look at little Amanda! Waving at us from the faraway corner of LoftLand! We laughed hard. Kelsey, sitting atop the small landing at the top of stairs just 6 ft to our right enlarged and magnified in our field of vision appeared to be sitting almost beside us. 6ft can be as short as 1 yard or as long as 20 ft in LoftLand!

On the Ecstasy of Sour Skittles
You don’t know, do you, that you need sour skittles to light your life and set your soul ablaze like an inferno of orange and yellow hued fireworks exploding your mind. On a journey to find a quiet meditation space I happened upon a bowl of sour skittles. Curious, I popped one of these secret magical ecstasy bombs into my mouth when (*explosion noises*) my life turned inside out in a bubbling engulfment of ecstatic joy that came piercing up and to the left in shards of orange and yellow rays. It was as if someone set a blaze of fireworks to my insides and a boiling kettle of flourishing sensations combusted my brain. I became addicted to the feeling and apparently relived this explosive vomiting undulation of bliss over and over. And over. Now you know the ecstasy that is sour skittles.

On the Incursion of the Cello
I held it between my legs, my body wrapped around its body. I enveloped the cello in my arms and we went cheek to cheek. As the bow touched the strings I took a deep breath. Slowly I drew back, drawing with my motion a deep bellowing vibration that instantly overcame my whole being. As if I were invaded, suddenly, by sensation so wonderful, so overwhelmingly electrifying, it filled me up whole and exploded my brain with rainbow mosaics bursting from left to right in a light arc. We became one and as the cello exploded inside me and sang its deep tune into my being my meditation deepened until we came to a silent stillness. I looked at my friend wide-eyed and asked, “Is this what it’s like to play a cello?!” She responded, “Well, no. You’re on Acid”.

On Feeling Color
Synesthesia riddled my acid experience. Colors popped up in various facets. Not in my field of vision, but in my mind’s eye. I was particularly drawn to light pink and dark purple. These two colors in vertical bars side by side seemed to describe my trip experience and the journey as a whole. The next time color invaded my mind was during the sour skittle experience. Specifically orange and yellow slivers shot up and out to the left. When I listened to classical music for the very first time it broke apart and separated vertically in fragments of black and brown- as if each fragment were a different musical instrument. When I laid down and closed my eyes during this classical music experience slow waves of blue and green flowed over me from right to left- or top to bottom. These colors were not physical or visual hallucinations; they were eruptions in my mind. They were colors that were felt, rather than seen.

On Looking In The Mirror
I was afraid, most of the trip, to look into the mirror. I had heard two very conflicting words of wisdom about mirrors while tripping:
1. NEVER look in the mirror!
2. ALWAYS look in the mirror!
This was polarizing and I was afraid of what I might see. I thought I’d see myself as an old lady with a melting face that would turn ashen and decrepit. Or perhaps I’d turn into a scary face with melting eyes and a joker-like smile. I hoped that perhaps I’d see myself as a majestic or fierce animal. I gained enough courage and mental fortitude after a while and decided to see what scary monster death images I would face in myself. So I did it. I looked. I had my hood up and I smiled, and I saw a kind smile back. Wrinkly, but kind. My body started to sway a little bit and that’s when I noticed that the She who was staring back at me was not Me. It was a different She. She looked like me, and also like my sister, but it wasn’t either of us. She was on the Other side but our two worlds were not separate. I thought, perhaps, that we could blend our not separate worlds together. As I started to think about getting lost with the She in the mirror I started to grow cute panda ears. I smiled, then left the mirror for another journey.

On the Universal Vibration
“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration” -Nikola Tesla.
“All things in our universe are constantly in motion, vibrating. Even objects that appear to be stationary are in fact vibrating, oscillating, resonating, at various frequencies. Resonance is a type of motion, characterized by oscillation between two states. And ultimately all matter is just vibrations of various underlying fields.”
-Tam Hunt

I found myself outside in a grassy grove of trees spinning globes of light. The sun was going down and above me classical music was spilling out from the deck. I could feel the vibration of the music. It flowed through me and its energy resonated with my moving dancing body and the swinging spinning motion of the globes. I could feel we were all connected, and just as I felt that unity the forest floor and the trees too joined in on the vibration dance party, and all at once, body, music, and universe were in harmony in “a steady, insistent beat: the sound of cycles in sync…” and together, we danced.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115263
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 35
Published: Apr 6, 2021	Views: 694
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