Citation: StanTheMan. "Recovered From Life & Learned to Communicate: An Experience with Lisdexamfetamine & Cannabis (exp115327)". Erowid.org. Apr 18, 2021. erowid.org/exp/115327
I am a 23 year old guy. I went through most of my life undiagnosed with ADD. I'd be a multi-millionaire if I had a quarter every time someone was speaking to me, I'd hear the first sentence, they'd say another one, I'd refocus and forget everything. They'd stop speaking and I'd be like "huh?". They'd repeat, I'd repeat. It got so bad I'd just start agreeing with whatever people said in middle school and high school.
I struggled intensely with depression from age 12-15, and then at age 16, I got Mono. Mono caused me to miss school for 3 months. During that time, my girlfriend broke up with me and I was extremely off the rails, cutting myself, suicidal, homicidal, and I tried to overdose on ibuprofen. I was so depressed and distraught that I found an online girlfriend. Which for a bit was helpful but we played way too many emotional games with one another. During a doctor visit about 2 and a half months into my Mono, my doctor recommended I seek therapy. I found a therapist and during the first session pretty much just broke down into hysterics, and was out-patient hospitalized. At this point having zero drug experience. I was finally put on my first medication. Anti-depressants never worked for me, I tried a couple SSRIs, a couple SNRIs, and a few other classes, all ended up giving me side effects without helping me in any way, which made me even more depressed. There were also sexual side effects, which kept me glued to the online girlfriend about 2 1/2 years past the expiration date.
Basically, I was very depressed, very anxious, and I ended up finally being tested specifically for ADD. I absolutely acted like a kid who had ADD during that test, although I couldn't really help it because I do in fact have ADD. Heh heh. At the time, the results came back inconclusive which held me in doubt about whether or not I just had major anxiety or ADD.
Since that time, Vyvanse and therapy has allowed me to work a lot on my anxiety. I took acting, acting on camera, and improv classes at an acclaimed comedy school, and ended up being in 2 plays, one comedy, one drama. On top of that I did my own comedy acts for a bit. All those experiences helped me intensely with myself. When I wasn't acting I was selling gemstones, running my business, playing video games, or masturbating (ASMR over the phone or video) with my girlfriend.
Vyvanse helped me so much without me knowing it was helping me that I discontinued using it in 2018. I was back to being scared of people, and I once again had extremely low self-confidence. I definitely wanted the acting to magically cure my low self-confidence but that was an impossible thing to achieve. It took me a while to learn that Vyvanse was the only drug that any psychiatrist ever gave me that I liked.
About three months ago, I finally convinced my psychiatrist to take my off any anti-depressants. On my next visit, I asked if he would just give me Vyvanse. It took a few more follow-up visits before I was finally given the Vyvanse. I have been on it for about 3 weeks at this point. So far, the Vyvanse has allowed me to think. I can actually process my thoughts in a flow. Beforehand, it was like I was stuck with the same type of consistent, cluttered thoughts. I could never focus. I used to binge eat about 1000 calories a night, that has completely stopped. I am losing weight at a fast rate, which actually makes me want to workout and eat healthier like I used to. Vyvanse has helped me become more willing and able to communicate with others. I feel like I have a motive to my conversations now, and with that motive I'm usually able to think of useful things to say instead of uttering one word and smiling, like I did before Vyvanse. I also feel a lot less bitter about my past relationships, due to the fact that I feel like I have my own potential. I have also smiled and laughed around other people on occasion which is something I hadn't done for a couple years.
Regarding the Cannabis usage, I am a longtime user of Cannabis. I started in 2016 when the Chicago Cubs won the World Series and haven't stopped ever since. I do not know the exact amount, but the weed I smoke is usually around 25% and the concentrate 80% THC. Every hour, I take 2-4 bong hits and 2-4 dabs. Sometimes during those hits I may take extra hits. You get the point, I have lots of weed in my system.
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