Citation: RaiderSteve24. "Enlightenment for Dummies...Like Me: An Experience with LSD (exp115389)". Erowid.org. Jun 1, 2021. erowid.org/exp/115389
Woke up quick, at about noon, just thought that I had to get enlightened soon. This is the 2nd weekend after two more of our kids have moved out of the house and there is a lot of work to be done. I quickly decided to drop one tab of LSD with breakfast since I had nothing else going on and it would help me get organized and motivated to convert these bedrooms. Then there would be plenty of time for staring at clouds and watching movies or whatever the day brings. This was about my 20th or 30th time taking LSD and I’ve never had a bad trip. As long as someone is watching the kids and nothing important is going on it's all good. As of this writing I plan to wait a few weeks and do it again. Even after this unbelievably terrifying experience which left me shaking and crying for many hours…in a good way!
My first time taking LSD was just 4 years ago at the age of 39. Before my dad died he told me that he tried LSD and he thought it was a good thing. After he died I decided to study it in depth. I listened to hundreds of hours of Terence McKenna and other folks talk in order to get an idea of what I was looking to get out of these substances, and what to expect. My first time was absolutely amazing and positive. I have since completely changed my outlook and behavior in a major way. I believe LSD fixed whichever wires were crossed in my brain and I was finally allowed to grow up. It also gave me the ability to hold a conversation; you’ll miss it if you suddenly don’t have it. But if you never had the ability in the first place then you grow up a confused, pissed-off individual. Today I can actually listen to what people have to say, no longer having the attention span of a gnat. And I can respond to people without first having to figure out what the hell this person has been talking about. Because something they said in the first 4 words triggered my stupid brain to ponder some other, totally unrelated subject. Then there was the rocket-ship full of anxiety and doubt which came along with it. Seriously, I don’t know what I’d do without weed and LSD. For sure I would still be trapped in my own personal hell. I think I’ve almost got my anger issues & stuff under control thanks to these substances.
After eating and smoking a little weed I started to feel the LSD effects kick in around 1:00 PM and I decided to take a shower. After cleaning up a bit and brushing my teeth I sat on the shower floor to let the water bounce off of the top of my head while I began to meditate. I’ll usually do this for a little while regardless of how high I am. All of my best designs and ideas come in the shower. I’m not sure how long I was under the water when the shit began to hit the inter-dimensional fan. But I can tell you the water was still warm so maybe it was 1:30 at the time I realized this trip was going to be a very different experience than what I was used to.
With years of practice I’ve learned how to navigate this psychedelic landscape and manipulate my environment. 20+ years ago I was on a “heroic dose” of mushrooms and I somehow managed to communicate with an entity who gave me some pretty great life advice, in English! Yes, I did see a bright light first and I left my friends to watch their WWE alone while I went into the garage to die. I’ve never experienced such a thing in the LSD realm up to this point but it’s essentially the same thing as with the mushroom experience. I basically play around with these incredibly complicated, interactive, inter-dimensional cartoons. On LSD I can pretty much produce any image my wildest imagination can conjure, animate and modify it however I want. I can cycle through some sort of universal collection of “feelings” just like a rolodex of life experiences. For example I can envision “love” and now I have the ability to cycle through every feeling of hugs, kisses, cards, winks, perfumes and anything else the universe has to offer in regards to love. It can be pretty creepy if my mind goes dark so I've learned to keep my thoughts positive! And the whole experience is so introspective that I end up flipping over every rock in my brain looking for issues I can fix.
I’ve tried my best to crash the system in coming up with the most complicated sequences of art and music that I can think of. But it’s not “me” in which this stuff is really coming from at all. It’s as if I'm working in conjunction with someone else who possesses this incredible gift. And this other person has quite a sense of humor. I’m reminded of all the silly jesters and gnomes found throughout cultural history. There seems to be some sort of irony at the end of time, or some funny joke hidden within the meaning of life. The more I try to push this “Source” to its limits the more it laughs in my face and shows off what it can do, a lot of times using hilarious ironies and silly cartoonish themes. At times like these my brain actually runs hot as if my processing power is red-lining. Eyes-closed I’m intensely focused, squinting and straining, occasionally crying in amazement as my pineal gland practices the art of navigating this beautiful landscape. At some point I have no choice but to conclude that what I’m communicating with is the absolute Source of all art and inspiration which exists on Earth. This amazing Source must be where all of the great artists and geniuses throughout time have received their information. Or at least they must’ve all had some perspective of this same object communicating information to them non-verbally, or even verbally. The visuals of this object can be “felt” and this seems to be key to understanding all of this. Of course I suspected the Source to be God but it refused to give me a name, try as I might.
Early in the process of learning to navigate these spaces I found the musical aspect to be the most fun. The limitless amount of musical possibilities always blows my mind. With enough practice I’ve even learned to make music without LSD at all, I can do it well enough with just weed. I love making music in this place. And that’s exactly what I was doing, sitting there on the bottom of that shower at 1:30 just blasting away at this epic hip-hop style beat. Even with all this gardening noise happening right outside an open window, it didn’t matter. In all honesty this was probably like my 10th beat which would flip the music world on its head and dominate all charts…If I only knew how to translate that shit into the physical world…lol. This particular beat I was working on would even put Dr. Dre to shame. This beat might’ve been my best yet. This beat was so good that I was starting to get a little cocky, knowing damn well I wasn’t the Source of all this. As I flipped one of Dre’s awesome beats into my own existing beat, it became even better and I think I may have been slightly dissing Dre at the time of my undoing. While slaying this beat, out of sheer amazement at the beauty of this masterpiece I asked myself a rhetorical question, “How am I not world-famous?” And to my utter shock I received a very real response back. For the first noticeable time in the LSD realm another separate entity clearly responded to me and said, “YOU ALREADY ARE FAMOUS!” With this message I suddenly came to the realization that I was the same “thing” as Dr. Dre. It turns out these messages are not said in English within the LSD realm so I assume this is just the first time I was able to clearly recognize this “feeling” as “language”, and it was NOT my own doing! This was the very moment that my world changed forever. The process of death and rebirth will be completed within about the next 10 minutes. And I would be dropped back onto my bathroom floor from the sky.
So the way in which I work on a beat is, I assume the same way you would do it in a real studio. It’s very easy to think of a sound I like and change it up to whatever sounds best to me, make a tempo/beat out of it and then make it loop forever. At that point it just sits there while I layer a bunch of other sounds and effects on top of it. I can take stuff out, whatever I like. It’s crazy how it all just sticks there on whatever tempo/instruments I leave it on while my attention is elsewhere. I could even go have a conversation with someone and come back to my beat later. Any sort of hollow or echo effect is all available, probably a lot more effects than a real life studio. At some point it should be overwhelmingly obvious that my body is not the Source of all this stuff at all. I’ve always suspected as much and I’ve always been extremely curious as to the nature of this mysterious and beautiful Source.
Throughout the years I’ve continually poked and prodded for answers. I could not help but ask over and over; just what the hell is going on here? I’ve always studied cutting–edge physics and philosophical stuff trying to answer these very deep questions I have about the meaning of life. I pay close attention to every new archeological discovery trying to figure out what the pre-historic folks were up to. It is clear to me that pre-historic people were far superior to our society regarding spiritual matters. And it helps to have a little experience with comprehending things like quantum mechanics when dealing with the LSD realm. Everything in there is extra-dimensional, meaning there could be a completely hidden “direction” I could’ve gone into this whole time and I didn’t even know about it. Up, Down, Left, Right….then what? On LSD there are other directional planes to be used which stack on top of one another as if to spice up what I’ve already got going on with my little 3D bullshit. Once I re-created the entire Earth, then I zoomed in and when I got down close enough I could see that everything was made from sexual organs. It was all just titties and asses gyrating in unison to create everything. So I was just flying around, exploring famous parts of the Earth for about an hour while everything around me “fucked” itself into existence. This is typical LSD realm behavior. Everything turns into a big joke just so you don’t take yourself too seriously. This Source loves to have fun.
While on LSD and listening to music, making music, making art or whatever, there is always this extra-dimensional sort of electronic chunk of play-dough through which I communicate with this great Source. The extra-dimensional play-dough object is affected by stuff you do to it and it contains “everything” within it if you can learn how to access its secrets. Terence McKenna refers to this object as the “Transcendental Object at the End of Time”, but Terence mostly talks about mushrooms, not the LSD perspective so much. In either case I interact with this object using pure thought and I learn to play it as an instrument. Except I have many hands to work with. I quickly learned that I can sort of “pluck” at these “chords” and manipulate the object. I get the feeling there are many hidden layers of dimensional planes within this object. I cannot help but wonder if this mysterious object should be referred to as the holy-spirit, thinking in terms of the trinity. My goal is always to think happy thoughts and avoid the bad ones because it seems that I can access some very deep places if I know the right, or wrong questions to ask. And for me it was this one simple question which led to my complete ego destruction, “How am I not world-famous?”
“YOU ALREADY ARE FAMOUS!” God responded. I know this mysterious Source to be God, now. It was at this moment that my entire perspective on life shifted. We took a hard left as my foundation shook to my very core. A new dimensional plane was now available to me. I was given the clear option to go ahead and move along this new direction. I only needed to pluck this very special chord which was now placed before me. It was understood that this chord was profoundly important. There would be no going back and it would change everything…forever. This was very much a red/blue pill situation from The Matrix. I had poked at this Source for years to reveal its secrets and it is now responding with, “OK human, you really want to know? Put on your seatbelt and pluck that chord!”
As I held my “finger” to that extra-dimensional chord, there was very little hesitation. I plucked the chord and it started to vibrate with a sort of deep rumbling bass feeling deep down within my extra-dimensional core. Then the vibration almost immediately slowed and dissipated to a halt, as if it affected space/time and I had just frozen time in place. This is an incredibly eerie feeling. It is as if some great machinery with star-sized gears had suddenly come to a steaming, grinding halt, and the universe creaked and settled into its new position with deep thumps.
It is as if some great machinery with star-sized gears had suddenly come to a steaming, grinding halt, and the universe creaked and settled into its new position with deep thumps.
The silence which followed was scary.
Meanwhile I was still thinking about my beat that I was working on and the ramifications of being the same “thing” as Dr. Dre and I realized we were both looking at this exact same object. But Andre’s body interprets this extra-dimensional signal in his own unique way. In fact, every other person on Earth tunes into this exact same signal. It is a lot of fun to say “we are all one” but when you truly get it this concept takes on a completely different meaning. This core understanding shook the very foundation of my reality and I felt something new rise up as if everything had changed forever.
As my world fell apart I realized I had very little time. Something great and powerful was approaching. I was told to “prepare” when I felt a very real presence begin to enter that bathroom with me. The air became thick with a sort of glowing white substance that made everything in the bathroom come to life and everything blurred with new movement. My interpretation is that I was in the presence of God or the holy-spirit as the entire bathroom was consumed by this soft glow. If you had told me there was an angel or a UFO floating over my house at around 1:30 that day, I would’ve said “I know.”
I was presented with what appeared to be a female God if there was a gender at all. I really don’t know because I never got a clear look. I picked up some very cool visuals of a womanly shape moving in the shower door glass. But on LSD I see naked women in pretty much anything I look at so who knows. I just can’t imagine being that madly in love with another man so maybe my stupid monkey brain just twists God into a female. Interestingly, the entity who I talked to for hours on mushrooms 20+ years ago seemed to be female as well. But again, I couldn’t really tell. I now suspect that as a young man I had a very long, casual, funny, and helpful conversation with God in that garage and I didn’t even realize it at the time. I don’t remember any of the specific advice given but I do recall the mushroom voice telling me; “I’m so glad you found this technology!” and the voice knew exactly when my friend was coming and that we’d have to “hang up.” The voice pleaded with me to come back “again and again” before hanging up. At the time I was still buying into a lot of the anti-drug propaganda and I took this as sort of an addiction voice that was trying to pull me into abusing this drug. But now of course I understand mushrooms to be non-addictive and I had put my faith in the wrong places.
As God quickly approached I knew I had to get out of the shower and prepare for what I understood was going to be the ride of my life. I was not sure if I would survive. It meant leaving my body and meeting my maker. As I turned off the water my world was being pulled away and I was leaving the Earthly plane. The boundaries melted away as I sort of pushed through these layers of stretchy membranes or something. These membranes reminded me of the x, y, z, planes used as visual reference in 3D design programs. Except these were extra-dimensional planes, meaning I could not perceive them in simple 3D space with only my human body. I feel as if I always had a foot in the door in regards to my physical body. But after this point my consciousness was more elsewhere than in my own body.
Still standing in the shower with the door open, I grabbed my towel just as I came to the increasingly horrific realization that privacy was not an option. In the world of God there are no secrets. And I suddenly realized there exists this sort of extra-dimensional photograph of everything you are made of as a human. This photograph includes your thoughts, actions, behavior, deeds, things that happened to you, it's all readily available in one picture for all to see. At the same time that I’m realizing this fact, the extra-dimensional piece of play-dough is describing to me the story of an eternal soul which is growing and progressing through many versions of itself until it emerges at the end as a god! Some of the visuals I can remember are this sort of human-like flower blooming as the dead petals fall away and the flower becomes this epic god bursting out with light. Meanwhile back in my body, I’m grabbing my towel and I suddenly realize that I AM that god! The extra-dimensional play-dough had sort of merged with me or something.
Here in my shower I have just become fully aware that I am “One with God”, and the entire universe is at a sort of cross-roads where everyone has been waiting for me to emerge as this god! And to make matters worse, my shower walls turned into basically the biggest, most epic stadium full of people who were much smaller than I, since I was literally a giant! And to make matters just…infinitely worse, I’m still in the process of wrapping my towel around to cover up my junk from literally everyone in the universe! I was probably the most embarrassed god you could imagine. But I also thought it was really funny and it made the people smile. I then put on a very humble game-face as I overlooked my new kingdom. I didn’t know what to do with this great power so I just sort of asked myself, “OK, what dost thou command?”
I just wanted to get out of that shower and sit down but I didn’t want to offend anyone. I was being thrown the biggest congratulations party in the history of the universe. To my great relief the womanly image in the shower door summoned me to go have a seat on the closed toilet. From the time I turned off the water, this is maybe 30 seconds. I usually avoid mirrors in general but especially on psychedelics. I exited the shower and looked into the mirror in a wild-eyed, disbelieving, already-sweaty way. I’m a very shy person and not very self-loving so this is all very strange to me. My facial expression then changed somehow to a look of confidence and I said the craziest thing without even thinking, “This is always tough with humans.” I was very surprised by that because my state of mind at the time was that of being connected to everyone and everything in the universe, I wasn’t sure who said it. I felt as if I’d been here before and that I had done this same thing countless times before. I had to explain to myself what I meant, when I spoke, sort of…
I sat on the toilet and prepared for the next stage which I knew was going to be crazy. I was also terrified that I would be given some difficult task such as Noah’s ark or something. And I was afraid God would force me to go preach a message or do something which would make me famous. I thought about my family and what they were going to do without me, or what mess they’d be forced to deal with were I allowed to return to Earth with my crazy message.
At this point I am clearly dying. I’m desperately trying to remind myself that I had taken only a small amount of LSD and there was no physical danger. But that was not enough to console me. I clutched my chest to check my heart rate. And nothing I’d learned from Terence McKenna, Joe Rogan, or any of the great philosophers could ever have prepared me for the actual experience of complete ego death. My body was ripped into atoms or some sort of geometric pattern which dissipated away from me. My body was completely gone and I was left as only a point of light. I was now at the complete mercy of God as trains, earthquakes and tsunamis quickly approached my position. The final layers of membrane were now being penetrated and I was now entering a different place altogether, a very holy place. The veil was now completely lifted and I could see the inner workings of the entire universe. Just as everyone says, it seems to be made of pure love. My existence was very simplified and understood here, but I don’t claim to know how everything works. There was not much I could bring back from this place. There was nothing around me and it was very bright and white. I did get some very intense imagery while in there, however. I feel like I was not in there for very long because I was so astonished at the sheer beauty of it all that my soul recoiled. I do not recall seeing any religious imagery such as crosses, Buddha or anything like that. I feel as if I wasn’t shown everything this place had to offer because I simply couldn’t handle it. I also couldn’t handle being there for too long because it would be far more difficult to leave. I had the distinct feeling that God was holding my hands, teaching me how to “walk” in this place like a small child. I was eased into things with patience and understanding.
One thing is for sure, all of my feelings of fear and apprehension were replaced with pure bliss, joy, love, understanding, and all the good things that make up life. I was immediately, completely, and forever in awe of this place. I’m pretty sure somewhere in there I pledged my life in service of whatever this God asks of me. Immediately upon entering this new realm there were two impossibly intense feelings which brought me to my knees, crying into my towel for a little while:
ONE - It was understood from the start that I could not stay in this place, I was to return to Earth soon, which was and STILL IS absolutely devastating.
TWO - I was essentially told by God that “I GOT YOU”! At least that is how I interpret the whole thing if I were to sum it up in just a few words.
I believe having this one, REALLY positive thing combined with this other, REALLY negative thing speaks to the duality of man. It seems like this duality is probably related to the yin & yang. I was shown beautiful imagery of this impossibly strong love/bond which I share with God. My extra-dimensional piece of play-dough depicted images of impossibly strong materials which formed immovable structures. I could push on these structures with incredible force and they would not move. The more I push, the stronger they get. There were all of these layers of safe-like objects and steel plates slamming into place around this already-secure object as if this bond were so well-protected that nothing in the universe could ever threaten to break it. I was also given the biggest hug imaginable and I was reminded that I am deeply loved and cared for beyond my own belief. I was also extremely grateful to find out, and to be able to acknowledge the fact that God has been with me literally every step of the way. I responded with “Thank You! Thank You!” for a few minutes as I was dropped back onto my bathroom floor in a sweaty, frantic, confused, crying mess of enlightened humanity.
I felt as if I’d received some sort of blue-belt in a crazy martial art known as the game-of-life or something. I always wanted to meet God and I got my wish. God came down and shook my hand with the most amazing, dramatic & beautiful re-introduction that I could’ve ever asked for.
I laid there on the bathroom floor struggling to make sense of it all. With my new lack of extra-dimensional, one-with-the-universe understanding. I could not find English words to even begin describing what I had just witnessed. No sentence I formed could do it justice. Also I was still sort of used to having all things possible to me. So I concentrated on a picture frame on the wall and I tried to throw it off the wall using my mind, fully expecting that it just might move. To my hilarious disappointment it did not move…no super powers this time. I was already laughing so this was a good sign. When I first returned to Earth it was weird for a few minutes. I was very paranoid, looking out of the window and listening for some huge event or anything bad that might be coming. I felt as if the world must be coming to an end or something. Why else would I be shown such incredible wonders? I actually listened for distant sonic-booms of asteroids entering the atmosphere. Or maybe I could catch the sound of some great event or home-invasion which was about to take place any minute. I felt slightly schizophrenic as well, being used to sharing my consciousness with another entity. I asked out loud twice; “Is anyone there?!”
Satisfied that the world would continue and that I was going to be OK after all, I just laid on my back for a few hours trying to burn every detail of my experience into my memory. I desperately tried to remember all of the little details that happened to me in such a short period of time. Finally at about 3:45 P.M. my wife, who just says “no” to drugs, knocks on the door to see if I’m “still alive” which is funny considering that I’d just died. By the way, this entire time my head was lying in the exact same place where my youngest daughter was born! I came stumbling out of the bathroom in my underwear extremely happy to see my wife, and I told her, “I took some LSD today and uhhhh, I think I just talked to God!” She responds with, “That’s called praying”, and I cut her off with, “NO, NO, NO!! I left my body!!”
I told her, “I took some LSD today and uhhhh, I think I just talked to God!” She responds with, “That’s called praying”, and I cut her off with, “NO, NO, NO!! I left my body!!”
It took quite a bit of effort to form enough English words to blow her mind as we laid on the bed and I tried to explain the more important aspects of the whole thing, stopping to cry every few seconds uncontrollably as thoughts of God’s love came back to me. The feeling of not being able to stay there with God is very sad and lasting. There was no furniture moved on this day, I wanted nothing to do with my phone, TV was boring, I laid there for many hours contemplating my existence and picturing my new life with God.
I feel as if the voice in your head is sometimes literally God, not you. It’s just filtered through your stupid monkey parts and you can’t usually tell the difference where your thoughts are actually coming from. If you’ve done some bad things and you’re wondering if you can ever be forgiven, I’d suggest you ask if you can forgive yourself because it’s the same thing. I also feel as if there exists an eternal agreement between you and God to live this life together. It might not seem like it at times, but this love/bond we share with God is completely unbreakable. This feeling of having an unyielding, I-got-you, rock-solid bond with God is enough to make me cry every time I think about it. I also get the feeling that all evil will be separated from humanity and isolated somehow; there is no room in these higher-dimensional planes for such things to exist. But that’s the reason for evil to exist in the first place here in the lower planes. We’re removed from the perfection of heaven and we are shown a place where evil can be studied and understood first-hand, safely. You cannot be a perfected eternal soul, truly understand all things, and “be good” without first experiencing the lowest depths of evil. We have eyes and ears to witness these atrocities happening around us and our job is to have fun, learn, spread the light, hold down your people, watch your step, and report back. Our life experiences are put into the bucket with everyone else’s combined experiences until the bucket is full. Then it’s party time when the job is done.
I was able to confirm a lot of my suspicions about the nature of my existence. I’ve always relied on my own thoughts and intuition (God, as it turns out) to form my world view, I think I’ve been pretty close in how I’ve viewed things overall. On the surface this probably made me look like a crazy person, or complete asshole at times. I refused to believe what anyone was trying to sell me. I’ve never followed social norms, and you won’t catch me in anything resembling a cult for very long. Hey, it may have seemed harsh at times to many people but whenever I found myself in a situation which I felt was in violation of my very mysterious gut-feeling “code” in some weird unexplained way, I’ve never had a problem with making an awkward comment/exit to save my soul from corruption. I’ve accumulated plenty of side-ways looks living my life this way. But I’ll take that over the alternative which is compromising my truth. Nobody could ever tell me shit and I think even less-so now that I know exactly what I am. (Reference my ‘song’ at the end). It just sucks that I have to learn everything the hard way, doing it this way.
It turns out my problem was that I didn’t recognize this permanent connection with God and I tried to deny it for a long time. My reward was deep depression and other struggles because I had a giant hole where God should fit in. Jim Carrey said, “Depression is your avatar telling you it’s tired of being the character you are trying to play.” I cannot disagree because my depression seems to have improved since I stopped acting like the person I thought people expected to see, 4 years ago
my depression seems to have improved since I stopped acting like the person I thought people expected to see, 4 years ago
. I’ve always tried to do good in my own stupid way but it wasn’t always enough. I was always completely put-off by organized religions, exploiting decent people and misleading the masses for their own unholy purposes. Of course not all experiences are negative but who can say these days what is true and what is false? Eventually I learned there is actually a lot of truth to things I’d heard about The Bible and other texts. Obviously The Bible contradicts itself and no human text is perfect, but it seems to be a more recent version of an older story based on real things. For me this realization came from watching Randall Carlson explain how the great flood actually did happen. It was the scientific proof of that flood which shifted my opinion of The Bible entirely. Also Graham Hancock does a wonderful job of filling in some of the blanks in regards to what life must’ve been like for pre-historic people at the time of the comet/flood 12,800 years ago. They were far more advanced than we’ve given them credit for. Re-discovering what humanity has lost should be our main priority.
Coincidence? Just a few months ago I decided to go ahead and start reading The Bible beginning with The New Testament. So far I’ve made it through Mathew, Mark and Luke. Interestingly, at my dad’s deathbed I was surprised to learn that he was actually religious. I had no idea, he had never mentioned anything to me about it my whole life. I wanted to take advantage of this strange dynamic and my goal was originally to offer myself as an experiment to the world by avoiding religion until now, then applying religion to a clean-slate modern mind. I feel as if I have reached a good enough base of knowledge in regards to understand what we know as a modern society. I’ve approached The Bible with a sort of suspended disbelief as if it very well could be 100% legit. I wanted to see how it all ties in with everything I’ve learned so far about ancient civilizations, UFOs, modern science and everything else. The Bible has really interesting stuff in it so I was going to keep reading it anyway. But now that God has literally stopped by to say hi, just as I’m applying The Bible to my very deep questions about life and reality, I feel as if I should probably finish reading it even if I do not believe all of it. I’m pretty sure the moral of that little story is that if you are truly seeking, you will find God. I also want to check out the rest of the religions more in-depth. I always felt like Buddhism was probably pretty close to explaining our true reality and I can’t wait to find out!
Those guys were at least open about their use of psychedelics. Unlike the Greeks who tried to keep it to just a few elite folks at the top. Or worse yet psychedelics have been all but erased from modern western religions. You can only find traces of mushroom use within Christmas imagery and older stuff. Researchers found traces of psilocybin mushrooms and THC in the censers used by early Christian priests to burn in the church isles, right near the holy land. They used to get high as fuck in those churches! What happened? Why have we allowed control-freaks to deny us something so special and essential? It makes sense to use psychedelics. These substances work far faster than sitting under a tree for a few months or starving yourself in order to access the same places.
I finally started taking better care of my body and learning to respect myself so that I could respect others. This is all 100% thanks to my first LSD experience which was also amazing. I dedicated my life to learning and growing better. I believe I’m now being rewarded for my efforts. I’ve always tried to figure out the answers to the biggest and deepest questions I can possibly think to ask, but way more so now than ever before. It’s funny because during my very first LSD experience I saw myself having all of these answers and I saw myself writing this very text. I also “felt” the support and non-judgmental feelings that I’m getting from my family in response to all of this, right now. I could not believe it to be possible 4 years ago. There was no way I was going to write down my deepest thoughts and allow other people to read them. I was so far removed from who I am right now that it felt impossible, yet here it exists.
I heard once that in the world of Shakespeare “to die” was a euphemism for “orgasm”. In my experience this seems like a valid assessment except dying is way better. I want to do a good job here on Earth and finish my part of course but secretly I’ve always looked forward to death and now I understand why. I believe I now have some extra appreciation for what a gift life really is. I’m only about half-way through if I’m lucky. Of course I hope death doesn’t hurt too much, but now I know what to expect when crossing over. I’ll be dying with a smile on my face.
My epic Saturday actually ended on Sunday. I probably fell asleep around 3:00 A.M. in a puddle of tears. And here is one of the coolest parts! This is a gift to last me a lifetime. For the past 13+ hours I had one specific song and one song alone, burned into the background of my thoughts as the day unfolded after my death. I had parts of the song running on constant repeat with just a few lyrics which I would occasionally remember. I realized that as soon as my soul returned to Earth my brain was struggling to grasp at anything to help remember my experience. Apparently this one song is the closest Earthly example I’m left with to represent the overall tone of my experience. My brain absolutely refused to let go of this song and I finally played it a few times late at night, taking it as a sign. The beat in this song is not unlike the beat which I was working on when this whole thing started. But more surprising to me is just how this song does not do a terrible job of sort of… putting into perspective… (Of course!!! Of Course the song pops onto my stereo at this exact time of typing, on a random playlist!!)… Anyway (sigh!), do you see what I mean about God having such a great sense of humor?!? I can’t make this stuff up. Is this NOT a sign that my writing this text is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing right now? Anyway, I was talking about how this song does not do a terrible job of summing up my current state of mind…Which currently is blown away once again, damn…The song ends with the Artist saying “I’m Gone” and he dies. I’m now at a loss for words!
2012 Album: R.A.P. Music
Artist: Killer Mike
Song: “Untitled” (Feat. Scar)
“If you don’t have a plan, you become part of someone else’s plan!”
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