Citation: Anatoli Smorin. "Jittery Pooping: An Experience with Coffee (exp115533)". Erowid.org. Aug 5, 2021. erowid.org/exp/115533
Coffee Ė Jittery Pooping
||300 - 1500 ml
This report is part of an eight-report collection. The collection consists of a summary report
that is retrospective and generalized in nature as well as seven [of which this is one] more detailed chronicles of my experiences with various chemicals used intentionally for work or study enhancement. Each report documents a single substance used for thirty days. The idea was to give each material a chance to show its strengths and weaknesses. The summary report has shorter descriptions and comparisons of my experiences with each material, as well as links to the other full-length experience reports for each substance.
I consider myself to be well versed in the realm of substance use. Previous experiences include opiates, stimulants and psychedelics spanning over more than a decade. A fair amount of my substance usage history includes novel research chemicals often in less than common combinations.
All of the coffee ingested in this report was from the same batch of medium roast. The coffee beans were ground fresh everyday before preparation using a glass pour over style coffeemaker. I wasnít specific in measuring the exact temperature of the water used each day. I did however weigh my beans each day and kept the following measurements consistent throughout the month:
- 10.5 grams of coffee per mug of 300 milliliters of liquid
- Between .5 Ė 2.0 tablespoons of sugar per mug
- Between 25 Ė 75 milliliters of whole milk per mug
I did not have any tolerance to coffee or caffeine coming into the beginning of my month of using the substance.
This report was written using extensive notes as well as audio recordings taken during the experiences.
History with Coffee
Iím not a huge fan of coffee. I love the way it smells, always have since I was a little kid and my father would almost always have a steaming mug around spreading the delightful aroma. When it comes to the other senses however, Iíve never fully gotten on the brown bean wagon. Iíve gone through stages of my life where I drank at least a cup or two of coffee a day, but these were generally short lived.
I do have a lifelong stomach condition which can be irritated by coffee, but I didnít have any significant issues during this particular month of regular coffee intake.
The rate at which I consumed the coffee was not strictly controlled. I drank as one normally might; at slightly varying paces depending on mood, thirst, and what I was doing. I did take exact notes on each mugís start and stop but found it extraneous and crowding on the dosage timeline below. My average pace over the month was 19 minutes per cup, excluding several outliers where I had forgotten about the coffee for an hour or more and finished the mug cold for the sake of keeping the dosage exact for this report.
Study Dosage Timeline
My ingestion schedule was as follows:
Day 1/30: 1 mug
Day 2/30: 1 mug
Day 3/30: off day Ė stomach concerns
Day 4/30: T + 00:00 1 mug
T + 00:34 1 mug
Day 5/30: 1 mug
Day 6/30: T + 00:00 1 mug
T + 00:43 1 mug
T + 05:01 1 mug
Day 7/30: off day
Day 8/30: off day
Day 9/30: 1 mug
Day 10/30: T + 00:00 1 mug
T + 00:50 1 mug
T + 01:15 1 mug
Day 11/30: 1 mug
Day 12/30: off day
Day 13/30: T + 00:00 1 mug
T + 00:18 1 mug
T + 01:13 1 mug
T + 05:15 1 mug
T + 05:49 1 mug
Day 14/30: off day
Day 15/30: T + 00:00 1 mug
T + 03:35 1 mug
T + 03:55 1 mug
T + 07:10 1 mug
T + 08:01 1 mug
Day 16/30: 1 mug
Day 17/30: T + 00:00 1 mug
T + 00:47 1 mug
Day 18/30: off day
Day 19/30: T + 00:00 1 mug
T + 04:18 1 mug
T + 05:02 1 mug
Day 20/30: T + 00:00 1 mug
T + 00:46 1 mug
T + 09:45 1 mug
T + 10:33 1 mug
Day 21/30: T + 00:00 1 mug
T + 00:17 1 mug
Day 22/30: off day
Day 23/30: off day
Day 24/30: T + 00:00 1 mug
T + 00:24 1 mug
Day 25/30: T + 00:00 1 mug
T + 00:35 1 mug
T + 02:15 1 mug
T + 04:55 1 mug
Day 26/30: 1 mug
Day 27/30: off day
Day 28/30: 1 mug
Day 29/30: T + 00:00 1 mug
T + 00:44 1 mug
T + 06:17 1 mug
T + 06:55 1 mug
Day 30/30: 1 mug
Timeline | Duration Details
While the onset, duration, and intensity varied depending on dosage, what I had eaten that day, my mood, and a myriad of other factors, I constructed the summary below to describe when I felt certain types of effects on an ďaverageĒ day.
T + 00:00
Sip, sip, sip.
T + 00:05 Ė T + 00:20
Iím usually at least halfway through my first mug by this time. After the first few sips I feel the beginning of the stimulation manifesting physically and mentally. Almost every day I would sit up a little straighter and begin to type at a faster rate, punching the keys on my keyboard more aggressively. Often Iíd take off a sweatshirt or extra layer if I was wearing one; a light sweat developing.
T + 00:15 Ė T + 00:45
Towards the end of this period of time I would be approaching the peak intensity of a first mug of coffee. Thoughts would be moving faster, tiredness banished from my mind, sleepiness wiped from my eyes as they dart around the computer screen. The coffee did not necessarily motivate me to work, or make me excited about it, but Iím always more awake for either it or procrastination, whichever I choose.
A bathroom break almost always occurs around this time. With jittering fingers and tapping toes, I pooped.
T + 00:45 Ė T + 01:30
This is where I often had my second dose of coffee. If I didnít drink a second mug, this is where I usually began to find the intensity of the effects lessening.
In the case of a come-down, my mental pace would let up until it was slower than a completely coffee-free day. I usually felt chilly, reaching for an extra layer of clothing or adjusting the thermostat. At the same time I was feeling cold, my feet would be drizzled in a light sweat; clammy and uncomfortable. A hot shower could remedy this, but I rarely indulged in this fix. It was easier to turn on a space heater, or just have another cup of coffee.
T + 01:15 Ė T + 03:00
The chills and drained mental feeling would usually wear off somewhere in here. I didnít usually feel an extended drag, physically or mentally, unless I had consumed coffee repeatedly all day. In that case the come-down would obviously be occurring in a later time period, but it would make me feel drained and worn down for the remainder of an evening, or at least until I could get a solid dinner and some water in me, which often seemed to remedy the physical and mental weariness.
Expectations | Hopes | Concerns Going In
I felt pretty confident I knew what to expect going into my thirty days of attempting to use coffee to enhance my work performance. This seemed like a low risk, low reward scenario. I was oddly excited on morning one, the idea of something so mundane and mainstream being the focus of my writing and notes was refreshing and unique. My only concerns were that the regular coffee intake would give me digestion issues or headaches. I canít say I thought the regular coffee ingestion was going to boost my abilities in any significant way. I intentionally chose coffee for this month because I knew I have some late evenings planned at the office due to quarterly responsibilities. If coffee was to provide anything to me, I figured alertness at the end of a long day, or in the morning after of a long night, would be it.
One thing that I really enjoyed during the month of coffee use had nothing to do with the substance or its effects. The social interactions that resulted from being involved in a scene Iím normally outside looking in at; the coffee crowd, was a change in my day to day that I wasnít expecting but certainly enjoyed.
When working from home, this was extra special morning time spent with Kai, chatting or just enjoying each others presence during sunrise.
At the office, this scene was more social, meeting some new people, and getting more frequent snippets of conversation with coworkers in a Ďwater-coolerí type situation.
I have learned to enjoy the taste of coffee, and given the cool autumn weather, the hot morning drink was became an increasingly enjoyable beverage.
In terms of favorite effects, the basic energy boost is pleasant. After a few sips of the comforting drink I would zip into the workday rather than slowly grinding my big gears into motion to get motivated and shake off the sleepy cobwebs.
Least Favorite Aspects
Iíve mentioned at several points in this report that I have a stomach condition that I feared might be aggravated by the coffee consumption. This didnít materialize in any severe manner, but I certainly had a fair share of gastrointestinal discomfort. At its worst, I had moderate cramps and a generally unsettled stomach. The immediate bowel movements following consumption were not particularly enjoyable either.
I found that to achieve the stimulation and extra energy I desired, I had to experience a disproportionate amount of then less desirable effects.
Headaches began towards the end of the month on my off days Ė if I ingested later in the day, the headaches could be remedied with a cup of coffee. I also was able to cure the throbbing discomfort with 500-1000 milligrams of acetaminophen.
Neutral Aspects | Additional Commentary
The clammy, cold, lightly sweating feet were annoying, but not much more than a mild discomfort. In general, temperature regulation seemed to get slightly out of wack throughout the coffee experiences. Mostly I was annoyed with the fact that I constantly seemed cold, specifically in my extremities. Thick socks and more layers would lead to a worsened cold, light sweat combination that I really didnít care for.
At the most, I noticed a slight suppression of appetite in the mornings and early afternoons after consuming coffee. Even if I ingested the substance multiple times throughout the day, I would feel the physical stomach twangs and mental craving for food by mid afternoon. Taste and enjoyment from eating was not effected at all by the coffee.
- Starting weight: 187 lbs
- Ending weight: 185 lbs *not related
- Heart Rate Notes: Nothing noteworthy Ė no drastic slowing or hastening either on a regular basis or during any singular incident.
- Sexual Effects: None noted.
- Sleep Effects: I didnít have any issues, but I never ingested later than 5:00 pm. No change in dream recall or subject was detected.
- Creativity: There was only one or two instances where I mentioned feeling more creative at work in my notes. Both instances seemed to be more linked to the fact that I was cranking along at a faster mental pace than I could sober. With the increased speed of thought, I arrived at an elegant solution to my data modeling challenge quicker than I would have without the coffee. In retrospect, I donít believe I was more
creative, just the same amount of creative, at a faster speed.
- Focus: In the short peak of the coffee experience, I was able to tap into notably increased focus and rate of thought. If I was able to avoid becoming sidetracked, I was able to get more work done in the same amount of time as I would have sober. When stringing multiple cups of coffee in a row, I could extend this heightened state of concentration. My issue was that I found the sweet spot of positive effects very short in comparison to some of the more elongated unpleasant sensations I came to associate with coming down from coffee.
- Social Effects: I didnít find any effect on my empathy or outgoingness; positive or negative from the coffee ingestion. As mentioned before, I enjoyed the inclusion in the Ďcoffee drinkersí social group at the office. Overall this situational change to my norm was the largest alteration from my sober baseline in terms of social effects. The coffeeís effects did not positively or negatively change my body or mindís functionality within a social setting. The social implications of drinking coffee however were positive due to the literally new opportunities offered up from the fact that I was participating in the coffee consumption, and thus having interactions I otherwise would have missed out on.
I chose to divide this section into portions of time because after reviewing my notes at the end of the month, the most distinct patterns of mood changes were correlated to specific timelines. The comments below held true for nearly all of the coffee dosage days.
- Mid Experience: I didnít find my mood any better than the average sober day when consuming coffee everyday. If anything, physical and mental edginess would increase my anxiety and stress levels, resulting in a me being more sharp and easily agitated. Not necessarily a bad mood, but a tightened one.
- Come-Down: The effects that followed the average coffee experience for me were long in comparison to the come-up or peak. My mood seemed lightly effected during this period, but all of these alterations in my temperament were mostly linked to physical effects happening at the same time period of the experiences. Cold, poorly circulating feet and fingers can very easily lead to a less than glowing mood I found.
- Next Day(s): Mental grogginess was present during the mornings of my off days, which wore off naturally after a few hours. This just felt like I was overtired from a bit of partying the night before. I didnít usually consider myself in a poor mood because of these hangovers but I certainly did not have any afterglow or mood lift as a result of having drank coffee the day before.
Without beating a dead horse; my circulation seemed less efficient, resulting in cold, clammy, and uncomfortable extremities. Headaches on come-downs or off days became a pretty reliable occurrence towards the end of my month on coffee. My stomach simply didnít enjoy the coffee on a regular basis. Jitters, frequent bowel movements, and very few positive effects pretty much summed up the physical nature of coffee for me.
- Cannabis: I combined cannabis with the coffee only a few times, typically in the latter third of a multi dose coffee experience. I found that cannabis quickly dominated the coffee in every sense. No synergies were found between the two substances. This could have been because I was not regularly smoking cannabis during this month, so with no tolerance, I got significantly stoned even on very small doses.
- Kratom: The kratom combination was only attempted once in the thirty day coffee regimen. It was a Green Maeng Da enhanced leaf product in a four gram [oral capsules] dosage. The kratom was taken with a second cup of coffee on that given day, in the hopes of getting some combo data. I felt the kratomís heavily weighted physical stimulation blend nicely with the coffeeís clear, mental acceleration during the first hour and a half of the combo. After this point in time, the kratom began to quickly drown out the caffeine of the coffee. I didnít feel the come-down from the coffee at all, the up-beat stimulation of the bean juice simply fell by the wayside as I drifted off mentally into the buzzing euphoria of the kratom.
- Ketamine [Racemic]: Two evenings after Ďdosing coffee daysí, I insufflated medium dosages of ketamine. One time was towards the beginning of the month, and the other was at the end of the scheduled coffee ingestion. The former [45 milligrams insufflated] had no detectable interaction with the coffee. The ketamine dosage happened too far after the last coffee ingestion of the day. The experiences were entirely separate from one another. The latter experience [58 milligrams insufflated] was on a day that I had consumed coffee pretty much up until my first line of ketamine. I kept constant vigilance in the onset of the ketamine, but I just felt it obliterate any lingering stimulating effects from the coffee. Overall; not much interaction between the two substances in my limited testing.
Outcome | Summary | Takeaways
I love the smell of coffee brewing, especially on a cold morning. The warm beverage, as a general category that includes coffee, is pleasant enough as well. The inclusion in the social group of java consumers was certainly appealing during my month of usage. As a study aid however, after being weighed and measured; I found it wanting. The semi-annoying effects, and the outright unenjoyable ones, like stomach discomfort and jittery bowel movements, exceeded the positive and productive effects; which were not all that spectacular in the first place. Outside of study enhancement type effects, I didnít find any particularly exciting or surprising effects. No music enhancement, no alteration to taste or general auditory function. Call me old fashioned, but Iíll stick to my powders when there is work to be done.
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