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Purgatory
Ketamine
by Roadhouse
Citation:   Roadhouse. "Purgatory: An Experience with Ketamine (exp115576)". Erowid.org. Sep 11, 2021. erowid.org/exp/115576

 
DOSE:
2 lines insufflated Ketamine (powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT: 175 lb


I had been taking small lines all day and was coming off my last one when I read a letter I had received from the unemployment office stating I had a phone interview to determine if I qualified for benefits. I'd been extremely stressed the last month about whether I was going to be able to continue feeding myself or my cat G in the coming month or if I might even end up homeless come January as I didn't have rent money yet. My girlfriend S had texted me earlier about her own stress involving money and making rent herself so I knew I couldn't bother her with it and I have no family to speak of that could help me out, besides she was having a drink with a friend at the time.

I decided the best way to forgot my problems for at least the night was to do two very healthy lines of ketamine to forget my worries. I browsed the streaming services for a somber looking post apocalyptic movie to set the mood and put the hue bulb to a deep red. I should mention here that earlier I had done smaller lines and watched an A&E show called American Justice on the true story of Party Monster and it tells the story of a club kid getting wasted on ketamine and heroin and "accidentally" killing his drug dealer along with his boyfriend using a hammer before mutilating the corpse and disposing of it. So needless to say I was in a dark space.

I took my first fat line and laid back under the three thick blankets ready to disassociate to the melancholy film I had decided on. Maybe it was ten minutes or twenty I couldn't say but I was barely able to concentrate on who I was when I thought it best to take the second line completely destroying my reality.

This is where things become hazy. For some reason or another the world seemed wrong I and knew I needed to get away from my current location (to find another human to prove I was alive?). I'm not sure but I ended up on the floor in what seemed like another dimension of sorts. I managed to get to my feet and turn the lights on when it became apparent I was no longer "alive". In a panic I tried to leave the room only to find every time I opened the door and "left" I ended up back in my room! This set me into a state of fear I had not previously known. Could my room be a simulation? A purgatory of sorts. A waiting room for true death? I looked at my bed and thought perhaps I died of a drug overdose and as it was so sudden my consciousness was unable to assimilate to its new environment it had known before life. I frantically tried to call S on my phone but was unable to unlock it and besides the phone was clearly a prop placed there to make me calm.

At some point I was able to leave my room and make my way into the living room but it was clearly fake as well. Everything had a look like it was a prop made out of plastic to be real looking enough just to temporarily trick me into thinking things were normal.
Everything had a look like it was a prop made out of plastic to be real looking enough just to temporarily trick me into thinking things were normal.
I saw my cat G sitting by the coffee table but he too was fake. I picked him up and he felt like a stuffed animal so I put him back down.

I had an overwhelming sense of loneliness that I would be in this place for eternity all alone and that I needed to find another human. Finally I was able to unlock my phone and call S, when she answered her voice sounded hollow and distant like she was a million miles away. Was her voice a robot pretending to exist? I felt I was being toyed with and that she would answer but never show up. I remembered the movie The Thirteenth Floor and that the way to prove you were in a simulation was to go where you wouldn't think to go so I headed for the front door (the reason this is odd for me is I try to avoid unsafe places while tripping). I made it to the porch and stumbled down the stairs wearing socks only which made the ground feel spongy and cold. I started down to the sidewalk where in the distance I could see a familiar silhouette which turned out to be my friend and housemate T.

He reassured me I was okay and took me back to my room where I was convinced he was some sort of entity masquerading as my once known friend or perhaps he was T and the charade of pretending had ended suddenly. The play we had all agreed to was over. Life was a play and we had all chosen characters to play in each other's life to learn from and now it was over so quickly, so suddenly without time to adjust. Shortly after S came in the room and it felt staged as they were trying to help me acclimate to death and since they felt my panic and fear decided to pretend I was still alive to give me more time to accept my fate. One thing I noticed was out of the periphery of my eye the movie on the TV was frozen until I looked at it, as if it didn't bother running unless it was being observed, it seemed to rewind and play over the same part.

I could hear the ringing in my ears and felt bloated and didn't believe them but as the room gradually returned to normal I began to regain my sense of self once again. It took a quarter bar of Xanax and some long rest to get back to normal, whatever that may be.

Exp Year: 2018ExpID: 115576
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 38 
Published: Sep 11, 2021Views: 211
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Ketamine (31) : Difficult Experiences (5), Alone (16)

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Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


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