DOSE:	20 mg	oral	Noopept
	0.5 bowls	smoked	Salvia divinorum	(extract)

BODY WEIGHT:

140 lb

Salvia and the Zipper: Life is a Contradiction

Post Trip Report Note: It's been 2 years since my salvia trip, and I'm beginning to reflect and revisit the experience after finally distancing myself somewhat from the trauma. I'm submitting the trip report I posted 2 years ago on reddit, as the moderators removed the post without informing me of the reason why it was taken down. The post was edited within the first week of posting with more lucid reflections of the experience, changing the wording to be more coherent and to express things less abstractly. Since my experience I've since discovered that a rough, amateur's understanding of 4D space in mathematics, quantum physics, and Buddhist principles such as the Bodhisattva Guanyin, The One Who Perceives the Sounds of the World, all hint (or at least, help me to rationalize) what I experienced in my salvia trip. My current understanding is that we're simply 3d space observing itself through time, but I continue to ponder complexity, agency, and the principles of self-awareness.

Trip Report:
I just came down from my first trip, and wanted to share my experience and hear anyone’s thoughts about it. I apologize in advance if some parts are not fully coherent.

I smoked roughly 80 mg of 20X Salvia, and I was on 20mg of noopept as well. I started small (~30mg), but after smoking it I didn’t experience anything (barely any vapor was released, later I realized most of it went inside the bowl), so I took a larger pinch that filled the bowl a little under halfway. I came in with the mentality to learn, and not to get high. Regardless, I was absolutely terrified.

As soon as I held in the vapor, everything changed, and I was gone.

Just as the 2nd Dimension can only perceive 3D objects as layer of 2D objects, I felt as though I was on the cusp of witnessing a higher dimension, with our reality folding into itself like a layer of a higher plane of existence. At first, I was a part of our normal reality: I witnessed a person with an ice cream sandwich, believing it to be perfectly normal. I remember that at first my perception was utterly mundane (my brain associates it as the person realizing they forgot their ice cream sandwich and subsequently picking it up), resulting in a lack of empathy on my part, only to see the ice cream sandwich merge with a reality which folds out of existence (becoming a constant blob of color), causing me to realize in sheer terror that I too am not supposed to exist as I get dragged into the same point of nonexistence. I had been dragged to the edge of our reality which folded into a higher dimension. Indefinitely. I had the overwhelming sensation that everything that existed was simply a gap to close from a higher dimension. At the border of what exists and what doesn’t, I was experiencing the constant closing of logical contradictions from the perspective of the contradiction itself.

This triggered a loop of a sentence that started with “Oh shiit, then what happens to iglfdkfgjfdl”, distorting further into the sentence as I feel as though I’m dragged once again into nonexistence, accompanied with a downward awareness of an infinite loop of contradictions in need of negation. It made me see reality as a gap in the natural order of a higher dimension (zipper reality – a plane of existence that is unzipped but is being continuously zipped up, where my consciousness and everything in my perceived reality exists in the gap between the zipper), something which exists only as the complementary empty space of a different reality. I felt that I was merely a leftover of a higher plane of existence whose ultimate and most natural end is nonexistence. Not just me, but everything in this reality felt like this gap of a higher dimensional existence. It felt as though the curtains were opened, revealing the operations of our existence as a byproduct of another. Some parts of the “zipper” communicated to me with a message along the lines of “now that you know, close the contradiction that you caused”. Words can call it sheer terror, but the feeling in that moment went far beyond that – to truly know that it is not only inevitable, but right, for you to not exist.

This experience has made me realize just how much I’m taking for granted, existing in this contradiction which is our reality. Nonexistence is the natural state of things, and everything with a semblance of order must continuously expend energy to resist it. I honestly don’t believe anything I’ll ever experience in my life will ever come close to scaring me like that; I feel like I’ve experienced something far worse than death.

Our reality is nothing but an accidental contradiction of existence, a state of utter insignificance which goes beyond words or intellectual understanding. Yet life is also a profound and terrifying miracle, and I should never take it for granted again.

Exp Year: 2019	ExpID: 115742
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Sep 30, 2021	Views: 678
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Salvia divinorum (44) : General (1), Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Alone (16)