DOSE: T+ 0:00	1 bump	oral	MDMA	(powder / crystals)
T+ 2:00	1 glass	oral	Alcohol - Beer/Wine

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

Low Dose MDMA for Emotional Clarity

This report describes taking a (sub-?)threshold MDMA dose a single time for emotional release. There appears to be a dearth of info on microdosing/sub-threshold dosing of MDMA and I hope this is a step in curing that. I do not advocate regular MDMA dosing at any level given the need to rebuild serotonin (although future research may change this perception).

Today I used a very small dose (~10mg) of MDMA to see if it would assist with emotional release and refocus.

I am going through very stressful and life-changing events, most not of my will, and my relationship is under tremendous strain.

My previous experiences include psilocybin (~10x), LSA, LSD, ayahuasca, and MDMA (~10x and has generally "lost the love" the last few). I beleive strong doses in good settings have led to at least temporary perspective shifts.* I last took any of those over two years ago (save for a mush microdose or two, several months ago). I have attempted to microdose LSD and mushrooms, and noticed essentially nothing from the latter, and a bit of anxiety from the former.

I decided to take a sub-threshhold dose in the AM (about 11:00) to see if any positive effects could be noticed. Ideally this will let me get to sleep at a reasonable hour for work tomorrow and not be too dangerous as I lack company.

I am not calling this a "microdose" as effects were felt, although those may have been placebo.

Set: Home alone (without Macaulay Culkin or burglar traps).

Setting: Nothing too out of the ordinary. Finished PiYo about fifteen minutes before (hands still sweaty when messing with the bag). Last ate, lightly, about two to three hours before. Well slept and no alcohol the night before.

Dose: Approximately 10 mg** oral (or a "nummy") of MDMA off a plate (smashed a crystal and fingered what I couldn't easily put back in the bag). This Molly has been reported very pure by a very experienced friend of mine, for whatever that's worth (very little).

Effects (times are very approximately estimated in retrospect):

T+30: Slight increase in energy, like a cup of tea. I begin searching various sites related to one of my personal situations.

T+45: I feel an emotional build. Not warm fuzzy, but more a desire to cry, which is something I've wanted for days. I start to play an instrument (which used to be my therapy but has waned), decide not to, sing songs in my head, cry a bit. I notice I am not hungry (really should be given exercise and last eating time).

T+60: When walking to the other room, I notice a tapestry on the wall looks vaguely more interesting. Not more vivid in any way but somehow simply enhanced. I begin to research DBT online, and download a DBT book and begin reading. I feel very "objective" about my situation and want to improve it. If I am remaining in the relationship I need to recognize thoughts of leaving and resentment as unproductive.

T+75: After reading a bit (I seem more focused than normal, again a mild stimulant effect perhaps), my mind wanders to the workplace. I realize it's quite toxic though we all "get along" personally. I realize I am participating in the toxicity and that is making it more stressful than it needs to be. I notice a keen objectivity here that is rare, I've grown accustomed to either celebrating or debasing my colleagues. I begin to think that if this is the effect of a bit of extra serotonin, I may need to go (back) on antidepressants (although I have been contemplating this for a while).

T+90: I finish reading. I'm getting hungry. I feel a similar caffeine buzz to T+30. I feel close to crying again, in a good way. I debate taking more but decide to make the food I prepped the previous day instead.

T+2h: I've eaten, and decided to have a beer with lunch. The beer doesn't seem to take the edge off the caffeine feeling like I'd expect. I make some phone calls and essentially decided that, except for foregoing napping, this day will pretty much be normal. My pulse is about 86-90 bpm (marginally elevated at best).

I examined my eyes numerous times during this and noticed no dilation or involuntary movement.

So that's it. The small dose may have helped clear an emotional block. Or maybe it was just time. I never felt perception particularly enhanced, or any cuddly or energetic desires, just a bit of light focus.

I began feeling tired in the early evening, had a few more drinks and slept through the night, so it seems the stimulant effect did not last long.
---
*I also have a history of addictive behavior with stimulants, opiates, and alcohol.

**I believe my years of abuse left my very well able to estimate powder quanitites, this was confirmed in my chemistry lab classes when measuring powdered chemicals. Admittedly, however, small errors in estimation have a greater proportional effect on small quantities.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115747
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 40
Published: Sep 7, 2021	Views: 1,075
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MDMA (3) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), General (1)