Citation: Gator. "Flying Through Memories and Darkness: An Experience with DXM (exp115779)". Erowid.org. May 2, 2023. erowid.org/exp/115779
My 18th birthday rolled around and I remembered that I could now easily buy dex. So I decided to give it a try. For my first attempt I tried the agent lemon extraction method, but I fucked it up somehow and ended up just drinking lemon juice. Next attempt I just chugged an 8oz bottle of Robo, 236mg, which resulted in an actual high. My third time involved DXM polistirex, 532 mg. These two experiences were both fun, low plateau jaunts, music was enhanced, a little robo walking, a little feeling of drunkenness, nothing too trippy.
But what had gotten me really interested in DXM in the first place was the possibility of the "shamanistic" dissociative hallucinations encountered at the higher plateaus. So I got my hands on two 12oz bottles of syrup containing 710mg in total, enough to get me to the third plateau. Unfortunately, unlike the dexers in many of the early 2000s era reports on here, it was nearly impossible for me to find any guafenesin-free syrup in any local stores (and I had no way of discretely ordering some online) so I would also be ingesting 9.4 grams of emetic. I told myself I would just have to try to keep it down, my eagerness to trip at a high plateau eclipsing the reality that I would 100% yack. I chugged 24oz of foul, raspberry flavored syrup, laid on a log (I was tripping in a park) feeling like my head had sunk into an infinitely deep hole in the wood for about 6 hours, then yacked hard. I told myself I'd never touch it again after that, until a month later, in an outlying drugstore I happened to be stopping by, I spied a bottle of Robitussin long acting cough gels and some guafenesin-free generic syrup. That brings us to the trip in question.
3am. I'm alone in my room. I'm on no medication and I haven't eaten since dinner, 8 hours ago. I've had 5 hours of sleep. I want some of this trip to be in complete darkness, some in the light, and the family would be out of the house in the morning, so this was the time I chose. I ingested 300mg of DXM gelcaps dissolved in about 1 floz of water (for quicker metabolization) and 354mg more in the form a generic (Premier Value) 4oz tussin syrup. 654mg/53.5kg (140lbs) = ~10.3 mg/kg, a solid third plateau dose. I chased this with some milk to get rid of the taste, and laid back down in bed to wait for the comeup. I was very excited for this trip, hoping to finally reach this disoriented, mystical place inside my mind that I had read about in so many reports. The adrenaline was pumping so hard that I didn't even think about falling back asleep.
I was already beginning to feel the effects of the first plateau. Dizziness, an unbalanced feeling when I sat up, lagging vision, and mild euphoria. In my past experiences, it had taken me at least 2 hours to feel in anything, so this was surprising. It can probably be attributed to my having dissolved the gelcaps in water.
Looking back through my notes, I would say I was deep into the second plateau at this point, an hour later. I felt euphoric and I had to close one eye to type because of the double vision.
Two minutes after my last note, I picked up my phone to make another, and was shocked to see that such a short amount of time had passed. It felt like it must have been at least 30 minutes, or even an hour, which is approximately the interval I had planned to take notes at.
Once again, I made a note just a few minutes after my last, while thinking an hour had passed. I began to experience mild CEVs, in the form of colorless woven patterns on the backs of my eyelids, and also felt my jaw lock up and teeth chatter. I kept thinking of scenes from my childhood, and telling myself that my future was bright. My eyes were mostly closed for the next couple hours from this point.
I began to feel intense nostalgia, and was remembering images of my last track and field season. I was listening to bladee for the first couple hours of this trip, a rapper who I had discovered during the first couple months of this year, which also happened to be around the time of my track season. I would always listen to him driving to and from meets. So what happened in the trip was all these really random, sort of prosaic moments from the season started flashing through my mind.
So what happened in the trip was all these really random, sort of prosaic moments from the season started flashing through my mind.
Standing on the field waiting for my event, staring at the seat of the person in front of me on the bus, warming up. I wasn't hallucinating them, but recalled them in particular detail and felt strangely intense nostalgia and euphoria for them. I wrote that "iunderstand what it is tobetruely great" (sic).
Here I began to see through my eyelids. I would open and close them, and get a fuzzy, grey picture of the view of my room from my bed. It wasn't like the impression a bright light seems to leave on the eyes, but rather it persisted even as I kept my eyes closed for (what I perceived as) an extended period of time.
This is where the hallucinations of motion began. I felt "as if my body was a piece of fabric on the ocean". The waves would wash under me and gently bend and contort the pliable sheet that I felt my body had become. I could feel my leg being raised while my torso dipped for example, all as I lay flat on the bed.
I was listening to The Fool by bladee and there's this one song where he mentions Avicii. As soon as I heard his name, I started seeing this montage of images of what I imagined Avicii's life had been like, all these flashing lights and crowds, and clean white hotel rooms with grey furniture looking over like Ibiza. I even imagined his suicide and felt intense sympathy for him. I felt like crying but I don't actually think I did; I was too disoriented.
I opened my eyes to take a note and saw that the sun was beginning to come up, light forcing its way through my drawn curtains. I wrote "pias transcaend". I suppose this means that I felt like I was transcending somehow, but I remember nothing like that.
My jaw felt stiff and teeth were chattering again. Music also began to sound sped up.
I started listening to Aphex Twin SAW vol II. My bed became a ship of sorts, my room stopped existing, and I experienced new hallucinations of motion. I felt as if the music was propelling me. The first movement was accompanied by a visual hallucination. I saw a huge mountain of ice, with a gaping black hole in the side. The ambient melodies guided my bed towards the hole, and when I entered, I saw only blackness.
The ambient melodies guided my bed towards the hole, and when I entered, I saw only blackness.
Then I felt my bed spinning in circles, clockwise, faster and faster. Eventually, I began to move in different directions, I sunk down into the mountain, I moved forwards, back, I rose, I fell again. Between each direction, the feeling of deceleration and my bed coming to a halt was extremely pronounced. Near the end of this experience, I felt the bed wrapping around my legs, enveloping me.
More CEVs with woven and knitted patterns, all black and grey. My hands and face were shaking. It was around this time that I realized I was going to puke at some point. Moving my body at all was a colossal effort, but after about an hour, I finally made it to the bathroom. Walking was very difficult. I had intense double vision, dizziness, nausea brought on by head movement, and a lack of balance. I had brought a small bucket into my room in case I wasn't able to get to the toilet, and I actually grabbed the bucket and took it into the bathroom with me.
I had made it into the bathroom and was sitting on the toilet (lid down, pants on) with the bucket in front of me. It didn't dawn on me that the entire reason that I went into the bathroom was to puke in the toilet; it was like I was attached to the idea of throwing up in this green bucket. And throw up I did. About four times. There were seemingly long intervals between each heave. I sat there shaking, opening and closing my eyes, feeling like my head was inflated balloon style.
At some point this ended, and I removed my puke encrusted shirt and retired to my room. I had enough control over my body at this point to grab my laptop and pull up Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, a movie that I had downloaded specifically for this trip. I lay on my bed with the laptop sideways, and tried to wait out this unpleasant phase of the trip with the movie. The narrative was fractured and basically incomprehensible, but I'd bet that you'd have a similarly difficult time finding the plot to this film while sober.
After the movie ended. I lay on the bed for a while, then dragged myself to the bathroom to clean up the pukefest (the double vision made aiming quite impossible, so maybe 70% of the puke was actually in the bucket). After a while I felt myself coming down more rapidly.
I finally remembered to take a note at this point, and I was more or less functional. Still quite dizzy, but I could almost walk straight, like being drunk.
In a couple more hours I was basically back to normal, but one pupil was noticeably more dilated than the other, under all different kinds of lighting conditions. I also had mild CEVs until I woke up the next morning, after sleeping for about 12 hours.
The comedown was also very unpleasant. I just wanted it to be over. I never experienced the intense, mind altering visual hallucinations I was hoping for. Maybe I'll try a higher dose someday, but I am avoiding all varieties of syrup.
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