DOSE:

72 mg

oral

DiPT

BODY WEIGHT:

140 lb

I've never been to therapy. I went to counselling for 6 months only to be berated by a counsellor-man that had very obvious control issues, berating me until I fell into submission and bawled out loud that I had an issue with smoking too much Cannabis whilst he sneered and clapped like a demented jester. 72mg of DiPT allowed to me to experience a cognitive clarity I have never experienced before, and unlocked a self-confident side of my self not expressed since I was a young child. Two years of therapy in just 8 hours.

13.34pm : 72mg DiPT ingested, tastes foul and bitter. I make a remark like a melodramatic Italian waiter tasting terrible pasta, PEH PEH PEH! I then walk for 3 miles to a nearby forest, a Lilliputian landscape that reminded me of some of Tolkien's descriptions. My penis feels constricted at its base, like it could be twisted around and pulled away like a butcher making a sausage from pig intestines.

14.10pm : First distinct auditory hallucinations coupled with intense colour saturation. Sheep in nearby fields spew phlegmatic coughs, further reinforcing the fact that I am now stuck in a waxy catacomb, viscous and sticky, that will remain unescaped for a number of hours. My ears feel plugged with thick wax. I have the urge to say words beginning with voiced labial-velar approximants, WAHHH!! WOOO!! WEEEE!!

I reach the forest, from one of the paths an eccentric looking lady on a carriage driven by a Shetland pony emerges, she has a long thick pole that she sadistically hits the pony with, a little rattish dog yaps and yaps which sits to the side of the lady in a plush wooden throne. It was one of the most comical scenes I've seen in my life. She used various intonations of her voice to direct the speed of the pony's trotting, I could finally see Pavlovian conditioning operating in full force.

14.37pm : A dissociative and psychedelic bliss flows through me as I walk through dancing ferns and swaying pine trees. I walk into a secluded section of the forest and have a piss, and then sit directly into the puddle of piss forgetting that I had just pissed there. I sit there for an hour and talk passionately about how to resolve my emotional issues, issues that have plagued me for years. My voice sounds paternal and warm, something that I am not used to. I come to the conclusion that a friend that said he never wanted to talk to me again was merely a 'chimpanzee in a suit', his mistreatment of me was merely collateral damage in his attempt to resolve his complex emotional issues. Every word that I spoke was le mot joste, perfect, with a Biblical certainty.

I thought about the people that have been direct manifestations of evil in my life, I became indifferent to their anger, noting that I might as well be as personally involved in a cycle of anger from the 1700s if I'm personally involved in other people's anger today. Anger passes through generations analogous to a gene, from one generation to the next, from father to son to the son's son (e.g), ad infinitum. I feel wonderful about myself, self-assured and walk with a new found stride in my step. I say the phrase

THERE'S NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT

about 100 times, assuring myself of my personal truths.

Thinking more about classical conditioning, human behaviour can be reduced to binary units of learning, if outcome of behaviour is favourable = ACTION CAN BE REPEATED (YES), if outcome of behaviour unfavourable = ACTION SHOULD NOT BE REPEATED (NO). Learning pathways are strengthened by repetition. I drew a series of tessellated trifids to demonstrate. The branches where actions should not be repeated do not connect with other trifids, those marked YES connect with other branches; resembles a neural network.

15.42 : The hills have eyes.

16.00 : I reach a waterfall. I can hear every bubble of the river in exquisite resolution. The bubbles begin to make a noise resembling a chain saw, a mechanical THUTHUTHUTHUTHUTHU. The more I focus, the more engrossing the sound becomes. As the THUTHU crescendoes, I dissolve into the landscape, my conception of language, personality and emotions deconstruct themselves. There's a linearity to the time listened to the noise and this dissolution mechanism. I quickly run away from the waterfall, petrified, and the aforementioned ego-structures reform. I implore to know whats on the other side of this self-dissolution. The dissolution is directly linked to the river-chainsaw. So I run back to the waterfall and focus again, chainsaw THUTHUTHUTHU, dissolve, run away. Chainsaw THUTHUTHUTHU, dissolve, run away. I pendulate from the waterfall to the quiet shore about 5 times, people walking passed must have thought I had high-functioning autism. The final time, I listen intently, thuthuthuTHUTHUTHUTHUTHUTHUTHUTHUTHUTHUTHUTHUTHUBWARCKBWARCKCRRRRRAAACKKKK!!!! Then, nothingness, complete quiet, tinnitus develops, I watch the golden sun glisten in the trees, I see ferns and pine trees compete for light, the only sound I can hear is an angelic bird chirping a cuddling song. I'm at peace, pure content. I shake my head in utter disbelief. He breaks on through to the other side (everybody loves my baby).

17.00 : I make an attempt to walk home through the river barefoot, greeting birds and insects as I walk along like a merry Frodo Baggins. I was comically happy, an irremovable psychedelic grin plastered onto my face. Bird chirpings sound unadulterated, the river bubbles feel malevolent, they still want to dissolve me, they want me to become one of them.

Largely, this psychedelic experience felt prototypical, characterised by stream-of-consciousness ramblings and overwhelming joy to be alive, it reminded me heavily of an experience with 82mg DET. The auditory distortions felt inconsequential to my ability to think logically through issues. Thoughts were systematic, as though I were going through a mental filing cabinet of all my emotional issues and screening them through a problem-solving computer program. I got home and listened to black midi's Schlagenheim, still smiling at 4am in the morning. Resolved.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115795
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Nov 1, 2021	Views: 869
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DiPT (110) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Nature / Outdoors (23), Glowing Experiences (4)