DOSE:

oral

LSD

(blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT:

190 lb

I had just left work and was headed to a local lake. It's a fairly generic lake on the outskirts of [big city], Texas. It's not so removed from civilization, or primitive, as to be overly dangerous to a solo astronaut. Backpack, check. Water, check. Acid, double check. I took a little over 200 mcg and found a horse trail that looked easy enough to navigate. There were big, wide trails and the occasional asphalt road to follow.

It's important to this story to mention that I was dealing with some very unpleasant mental issues at the time. I won't get in to it. But I was depressed and anxious to put it mildly. Now back to the story...

The first few hours were filled with pretty common trip stuff: big, bold colors, swirling vegetation, and deer telepathy. You know, the usual. But, as with any respectable psychedelic, I lost track of time. Now the darkness was settling over me and in me.
The darkness amazes me. It's this infinite-seeming canvas where our minds project all of our fears and insecurities almost without fail. No prompting required.

And that is precisely what started happening.

The once robust and green landscape turned thin and snake-like. The trees were menacing and primal. It wasn't my first rodeo. I knew it was all in my head. I'm experienced enough with psychedelics that I almost laughed at the situation.

Almost.

But, fear is fear, and I was starting to feel a lot of it.

At some point in my walk I had a realization. The buddhist in me tries not to hold on to many beliefs. I personally haven't seen any compelling evidence of demons and devils. You could say I'm a skeptic. However, in that moment I felt I had got my hands on the occult truth of it all. Whether or not demons are external entities or just creations of our mind MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO DIFFERENCE! The fear they make us feel is exactly the same. The oppression it creates in our mind is the same. The darkness it brings to our lives is the same. In this way, demons are as real as anything else in this crazy world. Those who invoke demons, and the darkness, are only summoning those parts of themselves to manifest in reality. And those demons do appear.

So, here I was surrounded by this hellscape that I now knew I, alone, had summoned. My sadness and isolation had brought it. My anxiety had brought it. My fear had brought it.

That's when I decided I'd had enough of it. Enough of this fear.

I fought back the only way I knew how. I turned off the light on my camera and let the darkness wash over me. The mantra now running through my head: I'd rather die than be scared one second longer. I invited all the devil-hordes to devour me body and soul. I acted as if they were real flesh and blood before me. And I'd be goddamned if I'll let them control me one second longer. It was honestly rage driving me. I was furious.

My heart racing I looked for the most menacing shit I could find and literally ran toward it. There were tears rushing down my face. I wasn't without fear in these moments. I just didn't care anymore. I was sick of the fear.

I eventually stumbled upon this mass of tree roots, or fallen trees (was hard to tell). It looked absolutely evil. It was Lilith. She had snake appendages all slithering about and she seduced unwary souls into her arms and devoured them. I had raged and ran about so much that I was growing tired. After all of this I was still feeling the fear. So I tried something different.

I wanted to show this wretched creature before me compassion and love. It wasn't the love of a lover. It was the same love I'd show to a stray, terrified dog. It was compassion and understanding. I might throw them some food, but I would also be wary. Stray dogs bite. I felt sorry for her because she LOVED misery and pain. She could never leave hell because she loved it there. I felt pity for her in that moment, and refused to be afraid.

So I walked up and found a place to sit right in the heart of those demon roots and sat down. I closed my eyes and let the fear and the darkness do its worst. I sat as calmly as I could and greeted every dark impulse with love and understanding. I very literally apologized for feeding my fear so often, and with such shitty food.

That's when it stopped being fear. I just saw it as suffering and pain. I genuinely felt bad for it like it was a living, breathing thing. I was now totally at peace in this darkness in the lap of pure evil. I felt like fucking Batman in his cave surrounded by bats. I felt like Neo surrounded by green, pulsating code. I cried a bit. I laughed. Then I cry-laughed.

I, ladies in gentlemen, was super duper high.

But I was okay.

I made my way to my car. Got home safe. Then fell in to a deep, peaceful sleep.

[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115821
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 38
Published: Nov 1, 2021	Views: 537
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
LSD (2) : Alone (16), Entities / Beings (37), Nature / Outdoors (23), Difficult Experiences (5)