DOSE:		vaporized	Cannabis	(extract)
	2 hits	oral	LSD	(blotter / tab)
	1 cig.	smoked	Tobacco - Cigarettes

BODY WEIGHT:

125 lb

I want to start by saying that I have had a lot of experience with LSD, and I was in a depression because of my mother recently passing away. Following a long break I wanted to trip hard. I bought a 10 strip of LSD and was warned by my dealer that they were very strong, but having a doubt since most if not all dealers say it's very strong, decided to eat 2. I was at home on a summer morning with no plans and was ready to trip. I take a few hits of a dab pen, put the tabs in my mouth and run a bath to ease into the trip. I have ginger ale to aid with my nausea and I get ready. Nothing could prepare me for what would come next.

I am watching The Office on my phone as I start to feel it. First effects were slight nausea and general feeling of unease. Then without warning I was catapulted into a psychedelic headspace.

I started to panic because my mind was slipping away from me and the nausea was increasing, as I am constantly drinking the ginger ale. The Office starts to make no sense at all, seeming like random scenes with no context whatsoever, I start to get paranoid as I am starting to forget even who I am. About 30 minutes pass, where I am trying to stay calm as the world around me warps and glows into something I couldn't recognize. My phone dies and shows a strange message I had never seen before or after. A URL is at the top directing me to apple support, so I leave my bathroom to use my computer to follow the link. As I walk I notice I am very dizzy and my visuals are incredible. A picture of my wall has its contents spilling out onto the wall and floor.

I get to my computer to enter the URL when I get this feeling that I am dying. How and why I think this is a struggle to explain, but I had thought that I had died and was being told via google. I remember thinking, “The User will have realized that he is dead” along with some other less coherent thought I struggle to remember. My heart dropped and panic set in. I threw my phone and ran away from my computer. My heart was racing as I sat on my bathroom floor begging God to save me. After doing this for about 10 minutes, I finally started to calm down. I got back into the bathtub and stared at the wall in silence. Time slips by and I start forgetting who and what I am. I feel as though I am on a rollercoaster in my mind in hell, switching lives with people and forgetting everything about me. I was totally bare and had no concept of anything. My thoughts were incoherent and were gibberish. I remember opening my eyes and looking at my body, confused because I wasn’t sure who or what I was. I felt like my Brain had completely had a factory reset, not even understanding I was a human. When I would close my eyes I would see the most elaborate art surrounding me.

As the trip gets less intense, I relearn every aspect of life. This started with emotion, and the first emotion I learned was sadness. I remember seeing a little orange symbol to describe the emotion, a mental image that has burned into my brain. Following that I learned about death, and how terrible of a thing it is. I learned what it meant to hate and what it is to love. I felt like a baby discovering the world for the first time. I then remembered that my mom had passed and was confused on whether that should bother me, or if I am overreacting to feel so bad. I felt like my life was being wasted. Following the peak I went to talk to my brother. We were sitting on the back porch, and the sky was blue and there was a cool breeze running through the air. I was mesmerised by the beauty I was beholding. The tree leaves moving in the wind looked like infinite geometric patterns going into themselves and I asked my brother many questions. My brother and I have different moms, and I had asked him if it was a big deal that she had passed. He responds by saying it's a huge deal and it's okay to be sad about it. Then I asked him if he thought that I was falling behind other people my age, and he said nobody has it figured out and not to worry. This was one of the most calming and reassuring experiences in my life. After this I listened to music, smoked a cigarette, and then cleaned my room after weeks of neglect. I felt good for the first time in a long time.

That night I had been smoking weed and relaxing and watching a Terrence McKenna video, where he discussed how schizophrenic people used to be a major part in a tribe, and acted as a shaman. After him saying this my heart dropped, like when I had thought I was dying. A few days following the trip I had anxiety related to that, which has now subsided. The trip, even though it was scary, had a very positive impact on me. I was out of my depressive rut and was back into a schedule, working out again, and had a much better outlook on life. I owe this trip a lot, it shocked me back to life, even if it did so by killing me.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115822
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Oct 29, 2021	Views: 911
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LSD (2) : Depression (15), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Difficult Experiences (5), Alone (16)