DOSE:

20 - 80 mg

Ketamine

BODY WEIGHT:

160 lb

Ketamine, my favorite way to reset the static of the mind.

What it's good for :

Rejuvenating me when I am in the depths of a hopeless depression
Erasing all pain & fatigue in my system
Silencing my Ego, Fears and Defenses
Expanding beyond the limits of "myself"
Entering the VOID / Black Hole...

I'll start lightly...

My first few times using it in lighter doses (20-50mg insufflated) were pleasant ego-softening, consciousness expanding, pain-soothing, static-silencing brief retreats from the chaos of our normal world...

I always do it in a dark room with either complete silence or Binaural beats/Meditation Music playing in Headphones...

It comes on gently when insufflated, it begins in the head & mind...

I notice the defenses of my ego trying to resist this wave of nothingness...
"You forgot to lock the door" "You should've drank water" "Your heart rate is too high" "You're dying" etc...
As these thoughts rise and then wash away into the ocean of blissful nothingness, I remember what it's like to bathe in the serenity of the cosmic womb...
Pure potential, silence, void.
On the journey to this space, I am the entire world crumbling down, dying, and being reduced to empty space...
I am a computer powering down...
I am a Universe entering a Black Hole...

One very strong experience I had was with 80mg laying in bed listening to binaural beats with eye covers on...

I began to vividly live-out one of my worst fears.
Someone who hates me breaking into my home and cutting my throat...
At first I opened my eyes and resisted...Almost getting up to lock the door and stop the music.
But then I just surrendered completely.
I died...
And then I expanded to the Planetary level.
Christ Consciousness Control room of Planet Earth...
All the trillions of organism perspectives displaying on individual screens in the 360 sphere that is EARTH...
Christ Consciousness connecting all, an enlightened being seated in the center of the sphere.
The crucifixion is the resistance from the vast world beyond limiting conscious compassion to our reality...
Only to expand beyond...

Another experience...
Medical Ketamine Liquid solution straight from Vial
Intramuscular Injection

Very RAPID onset...
Feels like Saturn collided with Earth and I was at ground zero... Imagine being hit by a PLANET...

I honestly don't remember much else from this one except the very distinct onset of being hit by a PLANET... Hard to forget that feeling lol.

I do remember having some insight into the fact that we create new viruses & genetics with every interaction in this world. Constantly merging & mixing various bacteria, fungi, parasites, viruses, etc... Infinite variables that are impossible to completely control...
Just live truthfully, I suppose..
I also felt the impending doom of World War 3...
Like being hit by a Nuclear weapon.
The level of fear & anxiety that Nuclear War would bring to us...
Not good..

BLACK HOLE :
Ketamine + Nitrous at peak
Sitting upright in complete darkness...
Insufflated Ketamine. Peaking, take large hits of nitrous

Sensation of being pulled into an absolutely massive Black Hole. I became aware that I was on the edge of the Black Hole, the event horizon. When I entered into the actual Black Hole, every aspect of my ego (all fears, doubts, insecurities, beliefs, disbeliefs, judgements, etc) was completely GONE. The initial (OH MY GOD THIS IS TERRIFYINGLY MASSIVE AND EMPTY, WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN!@?!?) disappeared without effort... It was simply the automatic result of being gravitationally drawn into this Black Hole...
PURE AWARENESS.
At the Center of this Black Hole is the Cosmic Crucifixion...
The surface of the inside of the Black Holes walls were Purple/Magenta Holographical imprints of everything that entered the Black Hole...
Planets, Stars, Civilizations, Space Ships, EVERYTHING that you would find in a Universe...
I saw the Planet Earth plagued by Death & Destruction... that's when the Cosmic Crucifixion happened... Then the darkness & death receded... The Earth healed and light came back from the Crucifixion.
That's all I've got...

More recently I did another Intramuscular dose laying in bed... (maybe 30 mg worth from the vial)
I was horribly depressed beforehand... Downright suicidal. Hopeless, Bitter, Angry, and cruel in my dealings with others. I just didn't care anymore...
(I get like this periodically)
Ketamine is my last-resort when NOTHING ELSE WORKS...
Ketamine works.
It works better than anything else, consistently.

So I take the dose laying down...
Fast come-on...

I feel the rush of calmness, serenity, silence flowing through my being in gentle waves soothing every ache, pain, worry, resentment, and angst in me...

During this process of "ego-softening" or "ego-death", the Ego and all of its fears, worries, and defenses will use everything it has in a desperate last clinging to life...

"You forgot to do this" "This person is plotting to do this" "That girl is going to take advantage of you" "Your life is in danger" etc....

The best one so far has been getting hit directly in the human with an Atomic Bomb. The sensation of every atom in my body vaporizing in a supercharged radioactive flash of an instant. Very intense.
I still just surrender into it. What else can I do?

All of these arise, and then vanish into the cool still void of the mind...

I am now in-tune with suffering again, my own fears and compassion. I felt it all on this journey back to emptyness... Now is my moment to reset, realize what is important, and rebirth brand new.

Eventually the computer powers back on, the ego is reborn, I re-become I....But gradually, and with a fresh perspective on life.

"I'm so grateful my family is alive & healthy"
"I love that I can help people heal"
"I will prevent damage"
"I will protect"
"I will serve"

Bliss.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 115846
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 23
Published: Sep 30, 2022	Views: 589
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Ketamine (31) : General (1), Depression (15), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Retrospective / Summary (11), Alone (16)