Therapy... For Me
Citation: Cherrybomb. "Therapy... For Me: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (exp11585)". Erowid.org. Jun 29, 2005. erowid.org/exp/11585
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Letís start with the initial experience with ecstasy. I will honestly say that the very first time I used what had been sold to me as 'MDMA' was horrible. Violent diarrhea and vomiting that persisted for 4 hours early into the morning. I have panic disorder so I was very reluctant about the whole experience. I swallowed 1/2 of a pill. I did not feel much of anything except annoyance for my surroundings. I was one of 3 people taking it. All of the others were drunken strangers that insisted on the bright lights remaining ON!!(At that time I had no clue how your surroundings affected you. I was disappointed and swore I would never do it again.
Being the forgiving person that I am, I decided to give it another whirl. We attended a rave and the stage was set, good friends, lights, and music (not to mention plenty of massage oil and tiger balm (MUCH better than Vicks). Needless to say it was wonderful. I haven't had a bad experience since. Only a scary one which was a result of taking 5 (what was sold as X) pills that were primarily ketamine, which explained how weird I felt (no good). The experiences were better and better with the acquiring of 'better' pills, bigger lights and great music on great sound systems. The house parties were the best! We loved it so much that we were doing it in 3-4 day binges once a week. I ended up taking 3-6 pills in one evening easily. After about the 4th or 5th pill, my brain and body wouldn't feel the rush or peak any longer, it was just a waste of 20$ per pill after the non-effectiveness kicked in. I started snorting the pill after the 3rd time of use and found it to be much more intense not to mention you are getting your money's worth. I always snorted thereafter.
The hangover was NEVER bothersome enough to stop using. The only thing I got depressed about was the fact that feeling 'good' was over. Feeling good was an amazing thing for me. I have suffered from depression, morbid panic disorder, and suicidal thoughts since the onset of puberty. All of the negativity in my life was, for once, brought to a halt!!! You do not understand what it felt like for a person like me to feel good, yet not 'screwed up'!! I am 23 yrs. old and have suffered from bulimia since the age of 17. A very morbid and self-destructive disease I might add. After 9 months of the use of MDMA, I didn't notice that I HAD NOT thrown up in 9 MONTHS!!! You are never 'cured' from an eating disorder, but you can control it. It will eventually kill you and I was feeling the effects with sore throats, abdominal pain and 5 root canals. I had reached a milestone in my life that I thought not possible. I have MDMA to thank for the success of controlling my bulimia. I have MDMA to thank for bringing me closer to people in my life that I so needed to be close to like my brother and other friends. Honesty, compassion and humility were now a part of my life. Whereas pride, selfishness and distrust ruled my thoughts 'pre-X'. I am not saying it is a cure-all, but a step in my recovery which could mean my life. So many people like me, suffer from imbalances and I will do anything to feel at least normal. I can't imagine how good a person with a positive outlook on life feels on X.
Some people like to drink to escape their 'problems'. Don't get me wrong I like to drink, but I have suffered 10 fold the consequences of drinking than those of X. There are a lot of other 'legal' drugs that are very dangerous and even fatal. I know X isn't for everyone. I am just logically expressing my feelings and reasoning on why they should research if not legalize the substance. If it were controlled this problem would decrease!!! Thank you for listening, that is all......
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