DOSE: T+ 0:00	25 mg	oral	2C-B
T+ 1:00	2 carts.	inhaled	Nitrous Oxide

BODY WEIGHT:

176 lb

Mindset/setting

4 good friends, 11pm at night, in a one of our sharehouse living rooms. Great vibes, everyone relaxed. Music playing. Preparations made. Made sure I was sitting comfortably. Two whippits cracked into a balloon.

Dosage/timing

Ate 25mg of 2C-B around an hour previous. Would not say I was really experiencing much of a trip at the time I did the nangs, however maybe I just wasn’t paying attention.

Description/experience

I sat on the bean bag, with my friend next to me on the floor sitting back against the sofa. He settled himself on the floor. We both held two full balloons of nitrous oxide in our hand. You ready? I asked my friend, who was timing us to make sure we didn’t hold our breath for too long. She was like yeah of course. My friend next to me reached over to the phone connected to the speaker, turning up the volume. A trance classic we both loved. We said three, two, one, and began to breathe.

As the nang began to overtake me, I noticed the familiar feeling of dissociation. Confident in the safety of my friend who was timing us, I kept going when before I had stopped, kept inhaling from the balloon. At some point, I reached the end. My ego died. Every model I had of perception was stripped away, from complex to simple , and the last to go were time and space, and the very last to go was the base awareness of self. You don’t truly understand how important the model of time and space is to your perception until it goes - and you experience eternity. Likewise, space- and the experience of being everything and nothing. And finally the “experience” of not existing.

Then I started to come back, and it was the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. As every model of reality was remembered or regained - perception of self, perception of time, perception of space, was accompanied by some kind of memory of what the “stage below” felt like - from the perspective of someone who now had that model, the idea of not having was unthinkable.

I think owing to the nature of the drug that induced this, I regained my models very quickly - Came back to my senses- to the point where I could function and speak and talk almost as soon as I opened my eyes. But like an asymptotic curve, each model took longer to be regained, and less impactful as they became more complex and derived - like vague cognition of plans I had made with someone in the next week, or slight guilt that I had eaten too much cake that afternoon. I realised, with some accompanying fear, that in fact I was “never going to stop coming out of the nang” in that this process of model forming was essential to what it meant to be conscious, nang or not. I was immediately drawn to ideas of emergent complexity - of the thought, and now understanding of the fact that I was composed entirely of atoms with no concept of self, yet through some patterning of these atoms I ostensibly was conscious, and that consciousness must be an experienced continuum.

The experience was incredibly scary. I suspect that it is and will be incredibly beneficial as I process things. Not that I would, if possible, repeat it for any sum of money. I’ll do it again when my physical body dies, and I’ll be doped on DMT and enjoy it! I’m as surprised as the next person that this happened on a two canister balloon. Perhaps the 2C-B had something or a lot to do with it?

I’m very grateful that I happen to have the right tools to deal with it emotionally. Recent acid trips, and meditation has taught me the value of approaching some things with feeling, not thinking. Having the wisdom to recognise when a “problem” can be dealt with logic, and a solution can be found if mulled over - and when a “problem” is just present, with no clear solution and acceptance of it - feeling it, but not thinking it- is often the solution itself.

What an ego death means - to myself or anyone - is one of these “problems.” To be talked quietly with with close friends, reflected on in diaries, and just to be with. I suspect it will take more years than I will live to fully comprehend it.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115864
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 26
Published: Oct 29, 2021	Views: 829
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Nitrous Oxide (40), 2C-B (52) : Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)