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Going Blank Again
by Ermine Bastard
Citation:   Ermine Bastard. "Going Blank Again: An Experience with 3-HO-PCP (exp115885)". Dec 9, 2021.

16 mg oral 3-HO-PCP (liquid)


It's the middle of the week and I've just come back from a long and tiring day chock full of lectures. What better way to unwind than with a worryingly large dose of 3-HO-PCP?

T0:00 - I measure some 3-HO-PCP solution in propylene glycol and swallow a 16mg dose. Besides the distinctive taste of propylene glycol, there is also a warming, slightly unpleasant petroleum-like taste to the 3-HO-PCP. It goes down easily.

T0:19 - The first alerts are becoming apparent. I am more aware of how my clothes feels against my skin, and there is a slight floaty feeling in my solar plexus. I am doing the dishes while listening to music with no noticeable impairment.

T0:25 - None of the sensations of the music I am listening to are amplified or enhanced, but the song I am listening to sounds much more enjoyable - it is as though the music makes more sense as a coherent unit. It is quite hard to resist bobbing my head and even whole body as I wash the dishes in an enjoyable trance-like state.

T0:44 - The walls of my living room feel oddly imposing - is as though I have just noticed how they close me into my own house. My arms and legs are simultaneously heavy and very easy to move, and I am bumbling around the house in jagged, bounding leaps. I decide to text my partner at this time. It is a little difficult to string words together, and typing is abominably hard with the motor impairment, but I still manage to produce coherent texts and hold a full conversation (albeit much slower than I normally would).

T0:48 - I feel very distant, as though I am observing the world from behind some arbitrarily imposed screen. There is a very pronounced heaviness in my head. My brain is sinking through my skull, sticky and heavy like a ball of molten lead. I feel like a balloon, my skin being propped up by some pressure from within as the outside world tries to collapse me. I decide to lie down as it is likely dangerous to continue doing chores in this state.

T1:12 - This compound is a slow burner. The experience is still linearly increasing in intensity, but it is impressively easy to manage. I can still write in my journal, albeit with slightly sloppy handwriting that cants back and forth with each word. With the lights turned on, some slight warping can be seen, but otherwise there are few visual distortions. Maybe some slight colour enhancements. Everything does, however, look markedly alien, and feels just a little claustrophobic. Because of this, I prefer to turn off the lights. Doing so makes it much easier to visualize things - I am able to "dream" up various scenes, objects and memories by staring into a dark corner in my room.

T1:59 - These visions are becoming more and more clear in my mind's eye. They seem to hold some incredible importance, but I can't discern why in the slightest. I am losing contact with my fingers - their sensors have gone on strike and what remains is nothing. I only become aware of them upon trying to move them. The same can be said for my lips, which feel numb in the same way they would feel after the application of a local anaesthetic at the dentist's. There is a pressure all across my body, which is unusual, as it is becoming increasingly difficult to identify where and what my body even is. My bed is breathing up and down with each breath I take, until I eventually lose track of my breathing all together.

Everything collapses inward - the whole world stretches out as infinite blackness begins to fill the periphery of my vision. I am falling, being compressed, stretched, pulsating outward and imploding into nothing all at once. At this point, there is nothing that can be done. I have disappeared completely.

Compared to other dissociative holes, the hole on 3-HO-PCP teetered between a hole state and a blackout. It was not very lucid, and it felt as though I was dipping in and out of consciousness. Regardless, the hallucinations were still quite interesting. Many of them were self-inserting in nature, for example, feeling as though I am a pebble on the road watching the passing of cars and schoolchildren on bikes. It is hard to remember exactly what occurred in this state, even directly after the experience. I am left with only small, irrelevant snippets.

T3:39 - I have regained consciousness, and feel a little groggy and awestruck, as though I have just awoken from the world's most exciting 2 hour long nap.
T3:39 - I have regained consciousness, and feel a little groggy and awestruck, as though I have just awoken from the world's most exciting 2 hour long nap.
The whole feeling is very "Neo bursting out of the matrix"-esque, and it is good to be back. I decide to get up and drink some water, which is challenging but certainly not a herculean task by any means. I am still dissociated, papery thin and wobbly. Looking in the bathroom mirror is odd, but not in the same way induced by psychedelics. Rather, it is more of a shocking awareness of my own "dimensionality", that I exist in 3D space and can change my shape in the mirror by turning about my heels.

T6:00 - The effects are substantially wearing off, and my thoughts no longer feel blunted by some mysterious brick wall inside my head. At this point, it is possible to sleep and I do so with ease.

The next day I feel completely ordinary. Maybe slightly more peppy than usual.

In summary, 3-HO-PCP is an interesting dissociative, and it is very powerful and potent. My only complaints are the long and slow come up time, which is about 1.5h for me, and the fact that the hole is quite blackout-like in nature and difficult to remember.

Exp Year: 2021ExpID: 115885
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 20 
Published: Dec 9, 2021Views: 703
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3-HO-PCP (838) : Music Discussion (22), General (1), Alone (16)

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