A Powerful Rush and Loss of Self
Propofol & Midazolam
Citation:   Phasenine. "A Powerful Rush and Loss of Self: An Experience with Propofol & Midazolam (exp115908)". Erowid.org. Dec 2, 2023. erowid.org/exp/115908

  IV Pharms - Propofol
    IV Pharms - Midazolam
Due to my unique medical history, I have received anesthesia a remarkable amount of times over the last decade, always in a clinical setting. While I don't see these substances as safe in any way for recreation, I find their effects fascinating and worthy of sharing. Here, I will specifically recall my experiences with propofol.

Often when going in for a procedure, I am given a dose of the benzo midazolam (Versed) upon getting an IV, and later given propofol just before the procedure actually starts. While IV midazolam is a very warm, euphoric, and comfy feeling drug on it's own, it is nothing compared to the sheer power of IV propofol.

Propofol is a milky white liquid that comes in a rather large prefilled syringe. Often it is mixed with lidocaine before being injected in order to numb the veins. When injected alone or quickly, propfol can burn quite badly as though fire is shooting up your arm from the IV site, into your chest and throughout your body.

The effects seem to vary by dose. At lower doses, or with a slower rate of administration, it is possible for me to stay awake, alert, and maintain almost all of my memory. At these lower doses, there is a massive amount of euphoria, loss of inhibitions, and a feeling of intense contentment. I can recall hitting on nurses while in this state, joking gleefully, and talking more than I normally would. A mix of alcohol and oxycodone would be similar, but distinctly less profound than this state.

When propofol is given more quickly or at a higher dose, however, it can take my 'self' away in a few seconds. When needing to be put fully 'to sleep', I have seen doctors push multiple syringes into me back to back. The effects here are like a freight train of sedation being blasted into my body. I usually hear a rushing 'whoosh' sound, like the ocean, growing louder and louder. Over 5-10 seconds the sound swells, and along with it does a feeling of lightness in the body. I recall a distinct sensation of floating or being hollow. This sensation swoops in and turns into a heaviness that sends my conscious mind away.

Upon waking, I am frequently confused and even a little scared. I don't remember anything after the 10 seconds of 'whoosh', but am somehow aware that I am in a new place and that a lot of time has passed.

The most fascinating experiences I've had with propofol involve out of body experiences. More than once, following the 'whoosh' that turns off awareness, I have seen myself from outside of my body. It's as though I am a camera mounted in the corner of the room.
More than once, following the 'whoosh' that turns off awareness, I have seen myself from outside of my body. It's as though I am a camera mounted in the corner of the room.
I don't experience thoughts or emotions in the moment - I only see my self and the room I am laying in. I can hear the conversations of the doctors and nurses and see them work. There is no fear, no thoughts at all. No awe that 'woah that is me down there'. There is just this pure external awareness.

Only upon waking and recalling this state does it blow my mind. I have told multiple anesthetists that this has occurred to me. They, surprisingly, seem unsurprised and have shared that they've heard this before. I have even verified what they were talking about while I was 'unconscious' with them (once they were talking about their fishing boats while I was 'asleep'). I have no explanation for how this is possible, and it informs a large part of my spiritual view of the self and what it means to exist.

Exp Year: 2021ExpID: 115908
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 28
Published: Dec 2, 2023Views: 15
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Pharms - Propofol (490), Pharms - Midazolam (435) : General (1), Combinations (3), Retrospective / Summary (11), Mystical Experiences (9), Medical Use (47), Hospital (36)

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