Citation: egg. "Trying to Run Outside: An Experience with LSD, Cannabis & Coffee (exp115930)". Erowid.org. Dec 16, 2021. erowid.org/exp/115930
Bad / Psychotic Trip
I had been living with a group of four-ish people for around 2 months when this happened, kinda just chilling at the same house. I was really into one of them. It was a pretty normal day to begin with. Nothing major happened that day to affect my mindset. I'd say I was pretty positive/maybe a little anxious going into this. At around 6:00 pm I drank 3 small cups of black coffee trying to get a caffeine buzz and smoked weed with it.
Sometime after that, we left for another friend's house. They had come back from their plug and had a sheet of unperforated LSD. It kinda just looked like construction paper, it was definitely thicker than a normal tab, and had brown staining on the back of it. It was tasteless though. They offered us pieces for free, and the piece I took was probably about the size of my thumbnail, I guess if it was cut into regular tabs it would've been about four or five. I think we took it at around 11:00 pm. My memory from the peak is fragmented, so midnight to 3 am is just roughly in order.
11:00 pm I honestly wasn't too worried right after taking it. I was just felt like whatever would happen would happen. I'd just trip harder than last time I did acid.
I honestly wasn't too worried right after taking it. I was just felt like whatever would happen would happen. I'd just trip harder than last time I did acid.
11:30 pm Someone else (who was on around 3x as much as me, and dropped before we got there) seemed like he was tripping TOO hard. He was starting to say things like "wow", "oh my god", "I didn't know this was possible", and confirming that the acid was way stronger than they thought it was gonna be. This worried me, cause he has done ten strips before. He was still with us though and I think he ended up having an ok trip.
I misinterpreted his reactions, and kinda took it more as like we had taken too much and were gonna not be ok. Hearing this while coming up really hard gave me thoughts of od'ing / fake acid (even though it was completely tasteless).
11:40 pm After that happened I just remember the visuals getting more and more intense, and starting to panic quietly. My entire vision starts to like shake/vibrate and kinda twist then reset back before twisting again.
12:00 am Sometime around midnight I must've just been sitting there looking scared asf / shaking. I have really bad social anxiety, so idk why I didn't just say I wasn't having a good time. But I started just giving glances / looking at people to try to get someone to notice. Someone asked if I was okay, and I remember saying no. Like it was just getting more intense, past what I thought should be happening. I think I tried laying down in the bathroom to calm down, which felt nice but ultimately did nothing to help.
I also took a couple hits of weed at this point to try and calm down (didnt know at the time) and after that my memory just goes out the window, I don't remember too much of what I was thinking during this, and I don't really know what order the next sequence of events comes in:
12:00 - 3:00 am So one thing that happened is, I kept looping walking between their living room, their outside porch, and I think the bathroom. Not really talking to anyone that I can remember. At one point I ended up standing in the lawn just saying the word "hospital" to my friend cause it felt like my skin was burning / I am have a heart attack. (I really think high doses of caffeine are not good to mix with LSD, and probably caused a panic attack.)
I remember standing outside, going between my skin freezing and burning, and my friend (the one I liked) gave me a jacket, and I couldn't figure out how to put it on. So I just ended up wearing it like a blanket. Also, I couldn't remember his name or who he was, I recognized him as someone I know still, but not who. I also couldn't really remember who I was or who anyone was.
I think I ended up in the living room and sat down after this. I remember hitting a bowl one more time and then just closing my eyes and going into a void. After this, I started thinking I was a god and having delusions that I could fly, or just will anything to happen if I thought hard enough.
I also felt simultaneously that I had obviously overdosed on Nbome or something and was dead now, and stuck in some purgatory version of my friend's house cause I died there. Where I would be stuck for eternity as some fucked up test of patience.
With that in mind I started trying to run outside in 30 degree weather / fly / jump out the window. They started trying to keep me inside which was a great idea, but in the acid headspace, everyone felt like they had been replaced by alternate versions of themselves, trying to keep me stuck in this place for eternity. I was just being sus as fuck apparently. Someone told me that during this I performed a very graceful box jump onto their table. I also had my shirt off at some point and lost my bra, and was trying to take off more I remember feeling like I was dead/going to end up in hell after that night, and was trying to hold onto literally anything from this world that meant something to me. Like I was grabbing for things / people, and I think every time someone stopped me from grabbing something it felt like they were doing it on purpose to mock me. Eventually between this, and the trying to run outside, someone had to hold me down. I remember him saying something during this and it sounded like his voice was pitch shifted down which scared tf outta me.
After this they got me into the living room, and laying down on the couch again. I was still having god delusions AFAIK and remembered thinking at least everything would be ok. I still thought I was in purgatory though, and going to be reborn as someone else, somewhere else in the world.
3:00 am This is the first time I remember looking at the clock after coming out of the peak. I just kinda came back to myself while lying on the couch. I felt like all my memories / who I was come back to me. I was still tripping really hard. I ended up just staring at the TV which was like cycling though different Netflix shows to watch, and just enjoying the visuals on some of the backgrounds. They also had a popcorn ceiling, so I ended up just looking at those two things for a couple hours while trying to think if what just happened was real.
6:00 am Someone came in to get something / check on me. I think they asked if I was good and said hi and I replied hesitantly, still feeling kinda unsure if they were the real version(?) of themselves. I kinda got out of that though thinking, okay, even if they aren't, at least everything is back to normal, lol.
8:00 am I go back into their kitchen where a couple people are sitting. Sometime around 7 am my friend took my car to get back to where we were staying. It just feels like the normal comedown of acid now. Visuals are mostly gone unless I focus on something. At this point, I don't realize that everything that happened last night actually happened yet. We end up just smoking weed and sitting quietly / listening to music.
12:00 pm He gets back and I drive us back to where we were staying. I kinda learn a little about what happened last night. I think the embarrassment kept me from asking anymore though. I'm tired af and just go to sleep as soon as we get back.
I still don't really know what happened that night, and still haven't learned too much. I don't think I really got anything from it other than trauma, most of the trip was just panicking and being in pain it seems like. I don't even remember any visuals from the peak cause my memory just got blanked for most of it.
I've tripped on LSD / LSA / mushrooms since then and still have good / beneficial trips so at least it hasn't ruined psychedelics for me
at least it hasn't ruined psychedelics for me
, or brought out any mental illness (other than making my anxiety worse for a couple months). I guess just be careful combining LSD with caffeine / weed. I think the caffeine definitely didn't help with the anxiety, but the weed is what really pushed me into losing control it seems. I don't really know what to think happened that night still. I felt like I'd gone "insane" but not schizophrenia insane, I wasn't hearing voices or anything. Was that just a panic attack or some kinda temporary psychosis?
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