DOSE:			Pharms - Quetiapine
			Pharms - Lithium
			Tobacco - Cigarettes
			Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

200 lb

The Clopixol Lobotomy.

I’m 23 years old. Last year, I was having some “mental health problems.” I got in a fight with my older brother and my parents called the police on me and they took me to the mental health ward at the local hospital. It’s not exactly my first time in the mental health ward, I’ve been there a bunch of times. Some would say I’m a violent person at times. I’m lucky I didn’t end up in jail.

Anyways, I ended up in the mental ward, and because I was off my medications (some anti psychotic which was a LOT lighter than Clopixol….. Not to say it was light.) they ordered me to be put on form 5. Form 5 means you lose the right to self determination regarding your mental health because you apparently can’t handle that responsibility because you don’t want to take a medication that ruins your ability to get an erection or get high when you smoke weed- more on that later.

Anyways, me being me I was kind of freaking out on the mental ward. I tried to appeal the doctors decision and get out but my appeal got rejected and I was stuck. I was not looking forward to what was about to happen. That didn’t work, and I was still stuck in the mental ward, in isolation now. I must’ve pissed someone off though, cause they decided to put me on Clopixol after that.

Background on Clopixol: it’s pretty much the strongest antipsychotic out there. I live in Canada, where it’s not illegal.

I got transferred out of that mental ward and into a dedicated mental hospital after that. As I was coming to grips with the fact that I would be strapped to a bed by security guards and injected in my ass with this antipsychotic substance called Clopixol 200-400 mg every one or two weeks (it happened every week to my next door roommate while I was on the intensive care unit, he was an Irish guy who made up his mind that he would rather scream and fight like an animal before getting his injections. There wasn’t much of a choice.) I had a revelation: I could still get a headrush from a cigarette, right? I made up my mind right there: I was going to get through this by smoking cigarettes.

That week I called my dad and he dropped off a carton of cigarettes for my stay in the hospital. I had a couple months to go. I’ve smoked before, and I enjoyed it quite a bit. Vaping in particular was my thing. The head rush was kind of awesome and cigarettes were an even more powerful experience than vaping. Considering they didn’t allow vapes on the ward, I was happy to smoke cigarettes. It’s not like I was a big health buff by that point, I was pretty much living just to smoke a cigarette.

Also, on top of Clopixol injections, I was given a pretty high oral dose of lithium for depression and Seroquel which is another antipsychotic , cause why not?

Soon after my first injection, I got smoking privileges. I smoked my first cigarette, and boy was that a breath of fresh air. Strangely though, I only experienced a head rush from my first cigarette of the day. It’s like every one after that was a dud, I didn’t feel a thing. Something was up.

Within a couple weeks, I couldn’t feel any cigarette, not even the first of the day. I was convinced it was the lithium.

I stayed smoking 8 cigarettes a day (sometimes my doctors would move my dosages down and it gave me hope) doing untold damage to my lungs, for no reward. Didn’t get high off a single cigarette for the entire 3 months I was there besides the first couple during my first 2 weeks.

It was kind of like hell.

As soon as I got out, I knew I wanted to get off the lithium, since that was what was preventing me from getting high off cigarettes, right? Also, my first day out I went and bought a vape pen and tried to get high off weed, that didn’t work and I was hardly surprised. Previous experience told me it was the antipsychotics, but I was hoping the antipsychotics were preventing me from getting high off weed and the lithium was preventing me from getting high off cigarettes. In the back of my head I knew it was the clopixol doing both, but didn’t want to think about that since my parents made it clear that going off my antipsychotics was out of the question. They took all my life savings, I couldn’t get out of town and away from them, and I was under a court order to take these antipsychotics anyways so I was kind of fucked.

But they did say that if I behaved for a while they would let me off the lithium.

Another couple months go by. They let me off the lithium.

Nothing changes.

By now I know it’s the Clopixol as it’s the only drug I’m on anymore, and I still can’t get a headrush from a cigarette. I still think if I stop taking it my ability to get high will come back. More on that later.

Another couple months go by. One day I couldn’t take it, and I confronted my parents and cited a previous suicide attempt I had while I was on antipsychotics and suggested I would do it again, which finally convinced them to let me off the Clopixol and Seroquel. (Thats how form 5 works, your right to medical self determination is transferred to a guardian and they make all the choices regarding your health for you. Police can get involved otherwise.)

I thought things looked great. I thought I would be able to get high again.

6 months later and here I am. 6 months off Clopixol and any other drug and I still can’t get a headrush off a cigarette. Or high off weed. I can’t even get drunk. It just doesn’t affect my brain anymore. I can’t get high. Looks like this is a permanent side effect folks. Now that’s what I call a chemical lobotomy.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115953
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: 23
Published: Dec 8, 2021	Views: 987
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Pharms - Lithium (91), Pharms - Quetiapine (273) : Hospital (36), Depression (15), Medical Use (47), Combinations (3)