Citation: Ermine Bastard. "Relentless Ablation: An Experience with 2'-Oxo-PCE (exp116007)". Erowid.org. Jan 12, 2022. erowid.org/exp/116007
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I would like to preface this report with a cautionary statement. O-PCE is a very powerful drug. It can and will tear you to shreds with no remorse if you do not treat it with respect. The amount of O-PCE ingested in the events detailed in this report was almost certainly too much for me, and overshot the hole threshold substantially. I would not recommend such a large dose, especially for a first time use.
The story begins with me alone in my room, doing some important assignments to cap off the evening. I have been quite busy in the days leading up to this experience and the ennui of sitting and working in my room for a week straight was finally getting to me. I decided to take O-PCE in an attempt to relax and add something interesting to my week.
I decided to take O-PCE in an attempt to relax and add something interesting to my week.
My previous experience with dissociatives includes the use of HO-PCP, 3-MeO-PCE, DXM and Nitrous. I had no significant dissociative tolerance at the time of taking this substance.
0:00 - Ingested 10mg O-PCE in water on a full stomach. It has that classic arylcyclohexylamine taste, like petrochemicals and rubber. It also has a unique bitterness that lingers on the front of the tongue, a characteristic which distinguishes it from other compounds in its family. It goes down easily.
0:25 - The first effects of the drug become apparent. My skin begins to feel slightly rubbery, and there is the unusual feeling that my viscera are slightly too small for my bodily cavity. There is a small inkling of headspace change, but it is hard to characterize at this time.
0:43 - And so it begins! My pattern of thoughts is becoming more and more associative and divergent by the minute. I am typing up an assignment and ideas are flowing left and right. The weight of the air on my skin is unmistakable, and everything feels dense and thick like a vitreous pudding which is about to set.
1:02 - I cannot stand to sit still anymore, so I decide to do some chores. As I'm folding the laundry I begin talking to myself (in a whisper to avoid disturbing any of my roommates) as it feels better to speak than hold my burgeoning thoughts in my head. I feel so adept at speaking, and a smug satisfaction rushes over me with every quip I make. The wordplay is absolutely filthy. I realize that I probably look like a lunatic whispering to myself alone in my room, but at this point I'm on enough dissociatives that I don't really care. Folding the laundry proves to be a little difficult, but still entirely possible. I am floppy and my joints are too heavy and too light at the same time. Every movement is miscalculated, causing me to make broad, poorly controlled motions in the syrupy air. It seems O-PCE is quite impairing physically compared to its other dissociative cousins.
1:20 - Seeing that my body is reacting quite well to this substance (I am in a good mood and experiencing little body load), I decide to take another 15mg. This puts the dose up to what has generally been established to be hole territory (25mg). Besides, I feel unconquerable and decide then and there that I need more intrigue in my life. Down the hatch it goes. The gulp is an awkward, greasy one, and I can feel all the machinations of my throat guiding the liquid into my stomach. I continue to happily fold laundry, my mind buzzing like a hive of restless bees.
1:43 - It becomes increasingly difficult to hold my attention onto one thing at a time. My thoughts are beginning to feel hollow just like my body, and I am dazed and empty. A wall is being built in my skull, brick by brick, slowly isolating me from the world. Despite this, the hypomanic twinkle of invincibility still remains, and I am lying down on my bed idly watching YouTube. All the objects in my room look slightly metallic, and are coated with an otherworldly sheen.
1:55 - My lips are beginning to numb. For me, this is often a sign that the dissociation is beginning to manifest itself fully, and that a hole is imminent. I close my eyes and try to visualize some objects, and to no surprise I find it very easy. The closed eye visuals are blocky - I can conjure up figures like faces, animals, and buildings, but I find that it is hard to fix them in my mind's eye - they quickly morph into other objects or abstract sets of blocks and dots of light. This is very interesting and somewhat pleasant, so I spend several minutes doing this before realizing that my original intention was to turn off the lights and lie down. I get up and flip the switch with some difficulty and lie down in bed, patiently watching visions dance about under my eyelids.
2:15 - Although I feel incredibly faded and numb, I did not get the hole I was expecting, and so I decide to get up again and try writing something in my journal. For the first page, I chose to write a stream of consciousness style ramble. Reading this sober some days later, I can confidently declare that it is almost illegible in terms of both handwriting and content. At the time, however, it was very profound to me. I also wrote an entire page of flowing word association, which was admittedly quite interesting to pick apart when sober.
2:22 - I decide to redose 7.5mg O-PCE, bringing the total up to 32.5mg. In retrospect, this was a gratuitous dose and definitely did more harm than good. I was lulled into a false sense of security by the slow come-up time of oral administration.
I was lulled into a false sense of security by the slow come-up time of oral administration.
After dosing, I continue scribbling into my notebook. As the entire world collapses and breaks under its own weight I am trying to capture my burning love for my partner on paper. My mind is an F1 car on fire. All the components are breaking down and yet I am racing at a thousand miles an hour in my hollow body, scratching vigorously into the page. I feel irritated by my fingers, which are numb and heavy and refuse to listen to the command of my brain. If only they could keep up. As I am writing, I take my eyes off the page for a moment. The room, brightly lit in yellow, is frankly terrifying. It is simultaneously too small and too big, chopped up and broken and incoherent. I cannot bear to look at it any longer, and so I get up to turn off the lights. This was almost impossible. I had to grip the walls, and move in large, bounding robotic steps. Balance was only understandable in terms of pivots. I could not stand straight - I had to swing about the corners of the walls to which I was holding onto for dear life. With the lights off, I lay down in bed. My tinnitus, which is normally a thin, quiet background noise, is now deafening. I decide with the last few moments of operable time left in my body to play some music. Specifically the album Seraphim by How to Disappear Completely. It is a calm, empty drone, and is probably some of the only music that would not be too overwhelming to listen to at this time. As I turn the music on, I sink deeper and deeper into nothing as the destruction of my body becomes complete.
For the remainder of this report I was much too impaired to even understand time, let alone report it. What follows will therefore have no timestamps.
It began with my soul getting ripped out of my body. Unlike other dissociative holes, this was forceful and carried with it a great gravity. I was ascending and descending at once, my body a lifeless shed skin dissolving in the torrent. Experiences and sensations became observer-less. The boundary between seeing and being something became nonexistent. I became a formless energy vibrating in spaces infinitely large, yet so infinitesimally small. I was pulsating like the electrons in an atom, liquid and restless. From these formless spaces sprouted realms, each with different laws, gravities, and presences. I encased within me entire universes, ablating in the frigid blaring wind of oblivion. After witnessing eternities of change, I was pulled out of myself and into deep space. Among the twinkling stars, a great black monolith of planetary proportions drifted by peacefully in the dark. It encompassed perfection and totality, glistening with the reflections of the entire cosmos. It was a godly entity, and though it did not speak I understood that it was sanctified and gazed in awe. Suddenly, there was another change in gravity. I was pulled frantically downwards, squashed under a great and disorienting force. After I had recovered, I saw the suffering. The end of days. A formless Guernica bathed in the lighthouse glow of a lifeless sun. My sails had been worn so thin in the bitter dissociative gale I could not construct any sorrow. I accepted my endless suffering. I accepted death, and repented for my sins.
My stay in this realm lasted for a very long time.
As dissociatives are wont to do, the next transition in space is very hard to describe in terms of normal language. This formless hell, which I both was witnessing and being at the same time, opened to encase myself. I became the room in which I was huddled in the corner of, in human form. I could see myself alone, begging for mercy, and I as the room began to rock back and forth to try and break my human self out of the prison of myself. This rocking then became perceptible to my actual human form, which I discovered tentatively was rocking back and forth gently on my bed. I now had a tenuous connection to the real world. Unfortunately, I had no recollection of who or where I was. The amnesia was all encompassing and strong. Common objects were not recognizable to me in the slightest. I tried to touch and feel my body with my hands. I felt weak, emaciated, and full of sinews. My body was strewn out on the bed like a human specimen on an alien dissection table, ready to be butchered. My heart was pounding, and I was somewhat sweaty. Later, when I was more able, I stumbled to measure my heart rate and found that it was 120BPM. O-PCE definitely raised my heart rate greatly (my resting is ~60BPM), and had a substantial (but not ridiculous) body load.
As the night went on I tried to sleep in this dissociated half-consciousness. I awoke several times in the night, amnesia still in full effect. Each time I woke up, I was born a different person, all equally naked and confused. All of these distinct people lived and died in those short stretches of time that night. I was eroded to nothing.
The next morning, I awoke in a dissociate haze. My vision was off - not quite double vision, but certainly not normal by any means. I had a hard time focusing on distant objects for the first few hours of the day. Moments after waking up, I realized I had a long mandatory online seminar to attend for one of my courses. These awkward 3 hours where I remembered how to be a person again were oddly soul crushing and alienating. Afterwards, I decided to go for a walk. I immediately noticed that the veil of apathy normally present due to my clinical depression was lifted. I was awestruck by the infinite complexity of all the people, the trees, the scenery and the skyscrapers. I also felt a deep sorrow for the human condition. I was able to feel a greater depth and breadth of emotion, and when I returned home, I cried a single heavy tear. O-PCE definitely has the fabled antidepressant dissociative afterglow.
Retrospectively, I would not classify this experience as being psychologically harmful, nor entirely negative, despite the tone of this report. It was certainly jarring, and at times utterly terrifying, but after a few days of ordinary, peaceful life and idle contemplation I was back on my feet again.
It was certainly jarring, and at times utterly terrifying, but after a few days of ordinary, peaceful life and idle contemplation I was back on my feet again.
I will, however, be forever humbled by what I have seen. Such a violent deconstruction of the body, reality and the mind is something that can never be forgotten. It will stick with me until I am dead, and probably then some too.
In summary, O-PCE is quite an interesting dissociative. It possesses highly manic properties (even more so than its brother 3-MeO-PCE, at least in my case) when taken at lower doses, but leads to annihilating, stationary holes at high doses. At low doses, I could definitely see this being used in a social setting. The tachycardia, although somewhat concerning, never reached truly heart-popping levels. Even at 120BPM, it's not as though I was able to move to raise it more anyways. Other manifestations of bodyload were mild and benign. In my opinion, this drug has great intrinsic value for both recreation and psychonautic exploration. I would definitely take O-PCE again, just not at such heroic doses.
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