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Despite Feeling Euphoric I Can Have Darker Thoughts
by mon6do
Citation:   mon6do. "Despite Feeling Euphoric I Can Have Darker Thoughts: An Experience with Methoxphenidine (exp116368)". Erowid.org. Jun 16, 2022. erowid.org/exp/116368

50 - 100 mg oral Methoxphenidine


A Dive Into MXP

This is a summary of my use with MXP rather than an experience in itself, although it contains bits of trips I've had with the drug.

I have been using drugs for the past 5 years, anything and everything, with respect towards harm reduction but also as a complete moron sometimes. I did everything that the common user has done, as well as more obscure substances. I manage to maintain a baseline to low tolerance to all drugs though, as I've come to manage my use pretty well, which is great for trip reporting because I'm less likely to be mislead on the potency, the effects and the side-effects of the drugs I take.

Amongst all the drug classes, one is particularly dear to me; dissociatives. Because the sensation of being cut-off from this world and back into the body without actually feeling said body is a source of great reflection on myself and lots of euphoria. I'm looking for similar highs to DXM with less drawbacks (DXM is heavy on one's health, and hard to come-by where I live).

This is how we got to MXP; apparently it shares some DXM-like features, so I decided that MXP would be next on my list. It came in small crystals, quite robust ones but easy to crush nonetheless.

Testing :

My first time doing it I measured with a mg scale a small 20mg. I took it orally. As expected, nothing noticeable happened, besides some somatic response to the drug. Good. Onto the next phase.

My first real high was memorable, I dosed around 60mg (light to common dose) in a capsule and waited. As I usually dose around 1-2h after eating, the come-up was a little slow but it's never a liability for me, it allows me to slowly feel it coming and get to know the drug. And man, was it good. I played some games while waiting for it to peak, and switched to music and smoking some cigs as it got stronger. It is strong, it dissociates a lot, but akin to ketamine I didn't feel barred out of social interactions, and I got very chatty while spending some time with my sister and her bf, who is also a childhood friend, I reassured them on the fact I supported their relationship, we all got very emotional remembering past hardships, it was a great evening. The drug faded out after 5 or so hours, leaving me tired but very happy and eager to sleep. There are some after effects the next morning, I would call it an afterglow but it could feel like a hangover if you had to work :)

Using MXP :

The high is peculiar, despite feeling euphoric I can have darker thoughts altogether. An aspect that drew me to try MXP was its reported affinity for opioid receptors, just like DXM does. And yes, it does feel like I'm also on an opiate sometimes when using. The optimal dose is between 50 to 80mg, without or with low tolerance, as below it's simply underwhelming and above... well above, weird shit starts to happen, the profile of the drug becomes very dysphoric. While lasting a good 6 to 8 hours in total, it did not prevent me from sleeping during the comedown, and did not wake me up if I fell asleep before the come-up (yes that can happen), it's actually a decent sedative, and I successfully used it as such in low doses. It's excellent for anything computer related work as time flies by and can just put in the hours without thinking about anything else. The euphoria I will say is much more context-dependent than other drugs I've had.

Repeated use fogged up my brain, nothing dramatic that was not fixed by abstinence, but careful still. Its excellent with cannabis, it makes it more mellow and enjoyable, and increases the duration ever so slightly. Its also very enjoyable with alcohol (best to avoid it though).

I did not go over 100mg for reasons cited below, but even at that dose I did not hole, or I don't remember it, and although distortions are perceptible, and closed high visuals are a thing, its was not prominent, at least during my use.

I will also note that this is another research chemical, it is poorly understood, not very well studied, it as a short history of use among drug users, and should be taken with high caution, especially if one has mental health conditions.

Rating MXP :

I tried snorting it, insufflating it, it's not water soluble or very little so, and as such for snorting I have to do very fine, very small lines in a clean nose and wait for absorption, which is not ideal, and ends up dripping for the most part in my throat. It is not more-ish, I'm content with my high most of the time, but abuse is real, and could lead to more serious health and mental-health issues.

I felt more angry the days after using a lot, don't know where it's from. It also feels very metallic, chemical, engineered, unlike some drugs that are endogenous or found in nature, I can feel that it's straight out of a lab, MXP, although fun, has no soul. It surprisingly is a very social drug, not in the sense that I want to meet people but more that I can perfectly be around people, unsuspected, on regular doses below incapacitating ones (~60mg is great for that).

So far this report seems to indicate that MXP is a fun dissociative, with decent euphoria and stimulation, with a somewhat low potential for abuse, nothing more nothing less. But I have to insist on the dark sides of this substance, the dysphoric part. Above a certain dose, especially if I'm not in a good setting, it gets dark. Real dark. And I know some people are especially after such highs, like DPH. It is not like DPH at all, it's not gonna create the illusion of something dysphoric from a point of view of someone so sedated they cannot do much, and so out of it they might just enjoy the show. I do not wish to detail my difficult trips but I will just as a warning to those who would not respect MXP:

-for context, I am not suicidal. Yes, in the past I've seen some and sometimes considered the "easy" way out but I have never intended to actually harm myself, out of love for my close ones and especially my mom. But one time on a higher dose of MXP, around 100mg, I was having a more difficult trip, I was not enjoying it for some reason, when I suddenly felt the primal urge to drive my knife through my heart, the impulse was so strong I was petrified, locked in place, as I had the instinctive feeling that if I so much but lifted a finger, my body would autopilot and kill itself right there, right then. It stopped after what could have been mere minutes, but it felt like hours of torture. I recovered easily from it, but I was very shocked as that kind of stuff never happens to me, and it was so strong, so powerful, I stopped using MXP for a while to gauge where that could have come from, why it had happened.

As for in how it is similar to DXM, I would say only on the opioid activity part and eerie thoughts, between euphoric and dysphoric ones.

Known issues with the drug :
-I mentioned the dysphoric, dark side of the drug.
-locomotion: self-autonomy on the drug, which goes in pair with a dysphoric experience to produce potentially dangerous outcomes.
-inherent risks of using RCs, contaminated batches, little is known, long term/regular use effects unknown.
-mental health consequences on people with existing conditions or preexisting risks.

Exp Year: 2022ExpID: 116368
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 23 
Published: Jun 16, 2022Views: 435
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Methoxphenidine (629) : General (1), Retrospective / Summary (11), Various (28)

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