DOSE: T+ 0:00	250 ug	oral	1P-LSD	(blotter / tab)
T+ 0:00		oral	Alcohol - Hard	(liquid)
T+ 4:00		oral	Kratom	(liquid)
T+ 5:00	1 shot	oral	Alcohol - Hard	(liquid)
T+ 6:00	1 cig.	smoked	Tobacco - Cigarettes

BODY WEIGHT:

240 lb

7:15am
T+ 0m
Ate a little food after dropping 250ug 1P-LSD and licking the bag the blotters came in (for good measure).

T+ 20m
It seems to be coming up very quickly, so I go outside to stack some firewood to expend the nervous energy, and to warm myself up.

T+ 40m
Stacked the load of wood, and came inside. Noticed my bed roll looked like a tragedy, so I started to get it in order and throw some things in the washer.

T+ 50?
As I'm getting things into the wash, something alarming occurs: I very suddenly can't see what I'm doing, and have no idea if what I'm seeing is real or not. Everything is just a mess of layers and lines in the shadow. I know this is to be expected when doing acid, but this is a whole new level of visual fuckery. I can barely tell if I'm setting the washer to 3/4 full or not. Everything is a squirming mishmash of illusion. I look back out into my room and to my dismay, even the light which should be bright looks dim, and not quite there. My ability to take in and make sense of sensory input from any source has rapidly diminished. I feel like I am losing myself.

T+ 1hr?

I go out into the living room and start getting food and a cup of kratom prepared before it's too late, but it already is too late. My mom is there talking to me, helping me stay in reality. I am so far away from everything, but I'm in good spirits, all things considered.

T+ ?
I have been outside for some time, touching things things I can hardly feel, in the sun I can barely see, and talking with family to help keep me in this realm. I think they are more concerned for my state than they're letting on. But my mom reassures me she's had to babsit trippers in the past.

I feel like I'm not only half in this world, but I'm also not quite in /any/ world. Partially nonexistent, and on the edge of losing everything forever. My brother suggests I take notes, so I do just that.

I try to remain in this place, this reality. The blue sky and trees above are so vibrant and glowing, and there are patterns in everything. But at the same time, it all seems so thin. Like my contact with this world is going away, and even my mind is going away as well. Every time I start to form a more stable configuration, I have to get up to pee and I'm dissociated again and back to barely holding onto my sanity. It's like anything I do keeps taking me farther and farther away. Somehow through all this I manage a certain level of decorum, so as not to alarm anyone.

I'm doing my best to not freak out. Taking deep, even breaths. Trying to let go, but it's so difficult. My mom gives me a small glass of brandy, which helps the anxiety but not much else.

Over time I remember something... I recall how I felt something very similar before. But I evidently blocked out the harsh reality of it. It was when I was taking huge amounts of DXM way back. It's this feeling of being partially brain dead, but aware, but not quite /there/, and everything is existing yet not existing at the same time. Like the airport terminal in the "The Langoliers." It's a reality that is soon to be wrapped up and eaten by chaos. Knowing its fate, everything in that place seems to have given up on expending any more energy to exist, to the point of things not echoing right and light having less incentive to bounce off things.

It's a violent trip, and is threatening to tear me apart and scatter the pieces.

I affirm to myself yes, I want to live. I want to be.

I realize that much of what's making me feel all these things is how I am only getting my sensory information in a very indirect manner: second hand, third hand, rumor, etc. Just a memory of a memory. What's reaching my core is already old news and tarnished by time. Like looking into a dirty hallway of mirrors.

T+4h
The peaks are now over and I'm feeling better and having a cup of kratom to help ground me. I still feel quite dissociated, but not nearly as bad as before. Throughout this the visuals have been wonderful. But I wonder if it's all been worth the effort and risk to my sanity. Feeling like I'm slipping away and quickly becoming a house ornament... I have to reevaluate why I do these things to myself. Basically, I have been trying to overcome myself, climb that staircase to the next level. But the methods I go about it are just too reckless sometimes. If I continue underestimating the tools at my disposal, then I do so at my own peril.

T+5h
Currently having a shot of vodka and feeling better all the time, but still really dissociated. It comes in waves, but they are getting shallower and I'm feeling more "here". I should take it easy on the booze, since ultimately it's only going to make me feel less in my body.

Talking with family. My brother reassures me that these sorts of trips are natural, and are like passageways to the next thing. I know these things already (having had many trips) but it's reassuring to hear. We talk about world events, and my mind seems to be working remarkably well, considering what I just experienced.

T+6h
Eating chips. Having a cigarette. Still quite a bit of dissociation.

```
My takeaways from all this:
1. Don't take too much acid.
2. But if you do, don't lick the bag.
3. But if you do, breathe carefully, note your error and be thankful for this absolute gift called life and the people we share it with.

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 116738
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 45
Published: Oct 19, 2022	Views: 538
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1P-LSD (682), Alcohol - Hard (198), Kratom (203) : General (1), Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)