DOSE:

1 hit

sublingual

LSD

(blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT:

115 lb

Just over 6 weeks ago, I had the most life changing experience of my life. It was around 9pm, and my roommate was out with friends; meaning I had the place to myself. I had taken LSD a handful of times (with and without others/sitters) and had incredibly positive experiences and thought that tonight would be no different.

Let me preface that I am an intensely strong believer in the idea of intentions for tripping. Basically, if you take a substance with specific intentions, your trip will reflect those intentions. It's kind of like set and setting but a little different.

Anyways, I had recently had a strong psychological trip a month prior and wanted to see more. I wanted to seek out the truths of consciousness and the universe. So with my intentions clear, I took the blotter paper and stuck it underneath my tongue, waiting for the effects to kick in. I always clean my apartment and fast before a trip, for anyone curious.

T+30 minutes after taking the acid, I was sitting in a phone call with a friend and just talking. It started as small stomach aches and tightness of the skin. Gradually, it felt as if I could feel all my organs working inside of me. I could feel my stomach churning and contracting. I decided I should lay down and just try to relax. So, I hung up the phone and did just that, laying on my bed.

The discomfort only grew in intensity. I was practically wailing in pain from the feeling of my body getting tighter and tighter, like my skin was getting stretched across my bones. The thought had crossed my mind that I had taken LSA or NBOME, as LSD had never caused feelings this uncomfortable before.

I called someone more experienced with drugs than myself; a close friend at the time. I explained the situation and the pains. He assured me it was just acid, and told me to calm down, the normal stuff.

Finally he said, "Just lay down and try to enjoy your visuals." I was going to say I didn't have any visuals, when I looked up at my room. My eyes practically shot open when I admired the extensive fractalizations covering my room. The lights made my room look like a stellar supernova of colors and textures layered over my room. I watched in awe for a few minutes before the trip turned sinister.

With each breath I took, it felt like the world was getting smaller and smaller. My anxiety was steadily growing, and I was trying to explain my thoughts to my friend. He continued the "you're just high" lines no matter what I said. The more and more we talked, the more it felt like he wasn't even real, and that I was experiencing a charade or practical joke; and I was the punch line.

This feeling persisted, and soon I was overcome by the idea that something was very very wrong, out of place, or that something horrible was about to happen. I relayed this to my friend, who unsurprisingly said "you're just high" and this was the beginning of a very very dangerous thought loop I got caught in.

"S" I said "You need to be absolutely deadly serious with me right now." I said it like I was about to die, because it felt like I was. "If you were part of some cosmic facade, and this life wasn't real, and you were in on it, would you tell me?"

He reacted somewhat neutrally. "Idk, man. You're just high and need to chill out." He said.

I maintained my composure as best as I could, under the circumstances I believed this was true. I reiterated the severity of my seriousness. "S, if you are lying or fucking with me right now, I swear I will steal a car, take my gun and drive to your house to kill you." I said.

Without much hesitation, "I'm not fucking with you, you're just high." He said, and this did me in.

After those words, I was convinced of my suspicions, and felt as though I was just the universe's laughing stock. Like my whole life was a joke and everyone I interacted with on a day to day basis was in on it, and knew all my thoughts at all times, every second I was alive. It felt like everyone in the world was watching me and laughing at me through this screen I couldn't see, and it sent me into this crazed state of crying and trying to just turn off the high.

I told myself I just need to go to sleep and that when I wake up everything would go back to normal. I got ready to do just that when the intrusive thoughts came. I started to question if anything at all was real, and a voice inside my head just kept replaying the sound of my own distorted voice saying "is this real?" In a mocking tone inside my head. Horrible imagery soon followed. Every time I looked in my room, or out into the hall, I imagined a monster or a demon would scoop me up and take me away and do horrible things like torture or rape me. It felt like the acid was alive and conscious, and was telling me that I am stuck with it forever. I was scared the nightmare wouldn't end, and I was never going to be sober again.

To try and escape my thoughts, I walked out into the hallway and barged into my roommate's room. He had come back home and was sleeping during my fiasco. When I barged in, I woke him up and he said I was just speaking garbled nonsense. Like everything was English but all my words were messed up, and I looked half cognizant.

He asked if I had taken any drugs, of course in my delirium I admitted yes, and he suggested I lay in bed with him and just try to calm down and sleep it off. I remember getting in the bed and my body just freezing. I couldn't talk, move, I could barely think. It felt like I was paralyzed.

I laid there and the thoughts were out of my control. It felt as though my memory was getting worse and worse, like my thoughts were not my own anymore and new memories were being implanted into my brain. My memories got further and further away, until it felt like all that I could remember is that I am being toyed with by a god; and the god was acid. The acid made it so I couldn't remember my thoughts from a second ago, and so I just kept thinking the same thing over and over. I kept asking myself in my head what's happening, what's happening. I was told by my roommate I just kept mumbling garbage the whole night, occasionally saying my name.

This I remember, as I was scared that if I didn't keep saying my name I wouldn't remember it anymore. This went on for hours, as the next thing I can recall is it finally beginning to settle down around 5am. I looked at the time on my phone and decided I can finally just sleep it off. Big mistake.

Once asleep, after the ordeal I was told I urinated 3 times in the bed while completely unconscious and unresponsive. I went back to saying things in my sleep, horrible things I would never say out loud like "Go get the gun and shoot me in the head, it will make me feel much better" and "fuck me good you stupid n word" and "being god feels horrible" without ever responding to my roommate, who had been awakened by my verbalizations of visions. During this time I kept seeing myself die and get plopped back into a separate world that looked identical to my own, like I had just killed myself and my consciousness was transferring to a new vessel.

I saw visions of myself as a baby in open fields from eons ago before humans. Beyond this, I got incredibly intense geometric imagery. One example I remember very clearly was this tesseract shaped die with a myriad of colors covering it being thrown down into a black pit and a colored trail whispering down behind it, almost painting the void. This moment felt like my life was the tesseract and I was throwing it away.

The next thing I remember is shooting awake and leaning upright like I had just woken up from a nightmare. I was now laying on the floor. My roommate had moved me but at the time I was unaware.

I looked around with the most worrisome and fearful expression. "Where am I?" Of course I recognized that I was still at home with my roommate but something was off. My eyes were absolutely filled with sparkling colors of light that painted my periphery. Everything and everyone had exaggerated features, including myself. I could see long patches of hair extending out from my normally smooth skin. My skin was taught around my bones in my hands.

The worst feeling I had was this perpetual feeling of people touching me. It felt like people were groping and grabbing me but I couldn't see or move them. The feeling intensified and persisted and snaked over my whole body. I stood up and waved my hands all around myself like I was swiping feelers away. "Stop touching me" I said, and repeated over and over.

This feeling never stopped, and I looked at my roommate who was sitting down across from me. "What's going on…" I said to him, and he looked at me very intently.

"You're on Acid, it's a psychoactive substance that you took." The calmness in his voice and sinister tone was only reinforcing the fact that this game I had been playing was still going on. I started freaking out more and more, touching the walls around me and hyperventilating. One of the only more intense feelings than the touching was this psychological attack I was undergoing. Doing anything at all inside my head made me believe the acid knew what I was going to do, and planned for it, and that the decisions I said yes to in this reality affected worlds where I was but couldn't see, and in those worlds someone was taking advantage of my body without me knowing, and that the touching was me feeling those realities.

I was convinced all of it was true and I had finally figured it out. So I tried my best not to think at all and to just do things as randomly as possible to throw off the acid in my head. This backfired, as every decision I tried to make made me believe that I really didn't have a choice and that the acid knew everything without exceptions .

My roommate was just about done with my horrible trip and psychotic behavior, so he said to leave the room but I resisted, as an effort to spite the acid controlling him. He forced me out after I had started wrecking the room even more, and I was now in the living room. The touching just never ended, and eventually I was in for a rude awakening.

5 minutes passed and a pair of paramedics walked through my front door, along with some firefighters. They stepped inside and I cowered away from them. My roommate stepped outside of his room and told me he had called them to see if they could fix me. Of course, in my head, I thought that these people were going to make this reality like the others I was feeling, that they were all going to grab me and take me away to a place that no one would hear me scream and take turns defiling my body.

Under that impression, I ran to the kitchen and took an empty liquor bottle in one hand as a weapon to defend myself. Everyone exasperatedly yelled at me to drop the bottle. At first I hesitated, but eventually set it down. Quickly they rushed me and grabbed me, holding my hands over my head and pushing me into a gurney where they strapped and bound me. I was kicking, screaming and crying for help the entire time, thinking this horrible nightmare was just starting.

They wheeled me into an ambulance and shut the doors. I cried and cried and begged them to let me go but insisted "this was for my own good." They sat in the back with me as I looked for a way free. The female paramedic offered me a stuffed animal exactly like one in my room and it only kept me in my craze. Things all around me continued to change as I looked. ID's on each officer had slight variations each time I looked, names would change, my body would change, like I was just being thrown into a slightly different reality every second.

I had arrived at the hospital and had some time to calm down, decompress and rationalize what I had been experiencing. Only then did I realize what I had done. I was kicking and screaming about invisible people and crying about things that didn't exist, acting like a deranged psycho. The doctors gave me anti-anxiety medication and it solidified my comedown. Once I felt mostly back to normal I was checked out with my roommate and sent back home.

As I said before, this was about 6 weeks ago. Everyday since this experience I have had horrible anxiety, ego dissolution, panic and anxiety attacks, mental breakdowns and slight physical symptoms similar to the touching phenomenon from the trip. I have been struggling with my normal life, staying social and keeping up with my job; it has not been easy.

This trip really messed up my life and the worst part is I still get horribly intense cravings to go back to being high. The feeling that reality is fake and that everyone knows everything about me still haunts me in my daily life. I am going to do my best to stay away from acid as long as I can, but I'm scared my borderline addiction to psychedelic worlds outside of my perception will convince me that being sober is just a facade and that getting high on acid will help me find the truth, only to dive me deeper into this void of insanity.

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 116764
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: Nov 2, 2022	Views: 697
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
LSD (2) : Guides / Sitters (39), Post Trip Problems (8), Bad Trips (6), Alone (16)