DOSE:	15 mg	IV	4-HO-MET
		smoked	Cannabis - High THC	(extract)

BODY WEIGHT:

125 lb

The Condition of the Mind Beforehand.

This experience took place on Halloween night, after a month of near constant drug use and abuse. Me and my most significant companion had decided at the beginning of October that we would quit everything in November and start using again in December, originally to reset our tolerance to cannabis. We both agreed to take the challenge although he was using a great deal less than I was at the time. I believe we started developing the plan with my harder drug use in mind, which was affecting my health somewhat, and he wanted me to improve as much as possible. Throughout October I took every chance I could to get buzzed, high, wasted, spun or detached by any means. A year prior I was responsible and conservative in my use of chemical-consciousness-manipulators, but after a while they became more of a need than an occasional indulgence.

Knowing it was my last chance before taking a month break, I went all out. Aside from smoking cannabis and drinking more days than not, I was taking speed to work and downers to sleep. Every other day I would take something for recreation, snorted, smoked, injected, or otherwise. Needless to say my life at that point was a blurry barrage of avoiding my own mind, and having more fun than anyone sober and straight could ever imagine.

Beside the drug use, my relationship with the aforementioned companion had been growing from a close friendship to something more, kissing, cuddling, sexual tension and confessions of love were encouraged by the never-ending flow of alcohol and herb. My disposition was that of excitement for the moment, and euphoria derived from the love shared with that special person. However I am highly prone to spiraling thoughts, it is my worst way of processing, things start small and grow outward into much less rational thought patterns. At the time he was closeted and generally unsure of himself, so our relationship felt fleeting, like it would dissipate if dwelled on. I find him much more attractive than he finds me, when we first engaged in sexual activities together, he would keep his eyes closed. This kind of thing was the seed that grew the semi-conscious spiral of self doubt which determined the nature of this experience.

Dosing Myself

Since it was the last day of the month of anything being permitted, I wanted to have a spectacular experience. My preferred tryptamine, at least of those I've had, is 4-HO-MET. The headspace in my experience is manageable and not as conductive to thought-loops as other 4-subs I've had. The body high is almost narcotic and very euphoric and the visuals are uniquely beautiful. This was for the oral ROA. I did not experience the same profile of effects in this experience.

I've only taken this drug orally and buccally in the past. I decided on IV, figuring the effects would come on faster and behave stronger, but wear off with enough time to sleep afterwards. I was comfortable and alone, the way I prefer to be in situations like this, music played from a small radio resting on the adjacent couch to the one I was laying on. A single red light illuminated the wall in front of me. I measured out what I believed was 15mg, and poured it into a small glass vial to prepare it. This drug isn't as soluble in water as I'd like but with some heat it dissolves into the sterile water. I pull it up into my syringe and I'm surprised to see it's nearly half full, I must have overestimated the amount of water needed. I tie off, prevent bubbles in the needle, look for a plump vein and sterilize the site. I injected once into my wrist, but the needle slipped out, and blood leaked into the solution. I had some difficulty injecting it into the second site, but I managed to empty most of the contents into myself, leaving a substantial bulge in my vein. I untied and laid back.

The Trip

The first signs did not manifest immediately, they crept up exponentially. I laid back and felt as though the couch was extending outwards in front of me, it felt as though I was moving further back, and faster. The red light against the wood grain revealed morphing skulls which did not frighten me, as it was Halloween after all. I began to sweat, but euphoric waves of blue and pink energy washed over me in tandem with the music. The flowing, wavering, and somewhat unsure euphoria was strong enough to overcome the tension that was beginning to build.

I lay back and close my eyes. Behind the veil I was only my nervous system, bound to useless muscles, laying on a dried river bed. I looked up into the imaginary painted sky and saw a tilework stegosaurus lumber overhead. Megafauna towered over and behind the ancient life I was witnessing. As soon as the vision manifested it flew away. After a flash of consciousness, I was back into the chaos again, though the visuals are now completely abstract. After that second rush I stabilized but was frozen with uncertainty. Couldn't focus on much, or form thoughts sentence-wise.

At some point I tried to masterbate, at which point I became completely aware of my entire nervous system, and anatomy. A real turn off. Behind closed eyes I could visualize my innards with perceived accuracy, seemingly a real representation of my nerves and organs. My body felt massive but my ‘self’ was small. I could feel the injection sites as if they were bullet holes through a thick wall of cables, blood spilling from torn nerves. It ached and began the birth of a spiral though form.

I could feel the blood filling my veins like a hose which was plugged on the end, building pressure. My thinking grew less rational, I had the recurring thought that I had too much blood and needed to let some out, in the same sort of way as trepanation or bloodletting, but since I know that is pseudoscience I could talk myself out of it, this went on repetitively.

The hiss of the cassette player was all I could focus on before I was hit with another wave of visions. In my mind's eye, almost like a dream rather than a CEV, I was watching false memories being replayed like snippets of passing TV channels. Memories (that didn't exist) of my life, from a 3rd person perspective. I was appearing as an ugly and pathetic misrepresentation of the human form, skinny as branches and lopsided, with pale yellow shiny flesh. Everyone around me was fine looking, but putting up with me out of pity. This likely sprung from a shared LSD experience where my partner took a very unflattering photo of me, which unintentionally destroyed my self image for weeks. (I am prone to mild body dysmorphia)

The rest of the night is a red and blue blur, segments missing from my memory. I don't remember how much alcohol I drank or even if I did, I know that I smoked some THC extract at some point, because I found new residue in the base pipe I use. I have never had an experience like this on any psychedelic, I am unsure of the accuracy of my scale , though I have photographic proof it read 0.015g when I measured initially.

Since then I have been entirely sober for 20 days, though I plan on beginning to use substances again in December, I will do so responsibly. Within the last 20 days I've had ample time to reflect on this experience and others I had during that strange time which felt like so long ago. My relationship mentioned earlier has grown more now and in good ways, and my body image perception is now much less distorted, i would no longer consider my view of my body to be distorted from reality the way it has been previously.

I don't think I will repeat the IV use of metocin, mostly oral, but I will consider IM and other ROAs. Thank you for reading.

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 116840
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Dec 15, 2022	Views: 919
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4-HO-MET (436) : Preparation / Recipes (30), General (1), Alone (16)