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Dangers of Compulsivity and Lack of Self-Control
Citation:   Dolores. "Dangers of Compulsivity and Lack of Self-Control: An Experience with 6-APB, O-PCE & MXPr (exp116939)". Erowid.org. Jan 18, 2023. erowid.org/exp/116939

  insufflated 6-APB
    oral 6-APB
    repeated insufflated Methoxpropamine
    repeated oral 2'-Oxo-PCE
Ladies and germs, this is part of the story of a debauched, dangerous, and unpleasant binge of 6-APB, MXPr, and O-PCE, and its horrible effects. I decided to tell it principally as a cautionary tale of the dangers of lack of self-control, and how beginner users need to learn it no matter what, but also to put a little humour in a bad drug experience, which we have all had. If you're inexperienced, use this post to remind yourself how important discipline and research are, and if you're experienced, use this post to laugh at my bad time. We've all done dumb shit with our drugs once or twice.

To cut a long story short, my first experience with RCs was a binge of 6-APB, MXPr, and O-PCE, all combined with one another, and a wealth of ignorance, despite also a wealth of research, just the wrong kind of research, coupled with lack of experience, desperation to get high, and a severe-mental-illness-fueled desperation for euphoria. It was terrible. I started by snorting too little 6-APB, followed by taking more orally and snorting MXPr at the same time, followed by finishing all of my MXPr and combining it with a little bit of oral O-PCE, followed by a little bit more O-PCE.

Previously, I had only tried MDMA, weed, and dihydrocodeine. They're drugs where all I have to do is take them without taking too much, and no matter what, where I am, what my headspace is, how much I've eaten, and so on, the experience will be good. The mentally-ill-fueled desperation to be high and for euphoria, combined with my past experience, and combined with ignorantly cherry-picking good trip reports and ignoring bad trip reports, made me think that every other drug I take, I just have to not underdose and not overdose and I'd be happy and vibing. Keep in mind, I did research. But there's only so much you can find out about dissos without actually taking them. And the 6-APB research was fucked up by all the batch bullshit going on, with batches of succinate 80% as strong as hydrochloride, batches of succinate 20% as strong as hydrochloride, batches of 15% benzofuran of an unknown type, amount, and salt, with 85% of an unidentified substance, batches with no 6-APB at all, and so on. On top of that, no amount of research prepared for me for the total lack of self-control that that desperation gave me. All my lack of research would have amounted to a few slightly bad experiences and several more very good ones if only I could have controlled myself.

I researched. I researched so much before and after buying the RCs, before and after receiving them. I had all of 6-APB's, MXPr's, and O-PCE's effects *that I had heard of* memorized and was prepared for each. With the exclusion of the 6-APB salt dose bullshit, I had dosages, timelines, and aftereffects memorized. I read Psychonaut and Erowid and cross-referenced with good and bad, single-drug and poly-drug trip reports. I read about entactogens and stimulants in general, despite having already tried MDMA many times, and read about dissociatives in general. I thought I was prepared. There were a few trip reports I read so many times I had the gist of them memorized and could recite them. Researching drugs isn't the same as doing them. I thought I knew everything I could, but I didn't. Research is half the battle.

For a beginner like me, the other half of the battle comes with receiving the RCs. I thought I knew everything, so except for allergy testing, I didn't think I needed any tester doses, I didn't think I needed a milligram scale (because I'm retarded), and I didn't think I needed to, and also wasn't able to, get them lab tested. The desperation to get high and be happy made me just take the doses I thought would be good as soon as I got them, because I was impatient and arrogant. I've always seen people in the RC community telling others to research before they try, and to get their shit tested in labs, but I don't see people that often telling others to start with tester doses, slowly increasing, rather than pulling a dose off Psychonaut and starting with that. If you think you've researched everything it's possible to about what you've ordered, you've only researched half. The moment you receive those drugs, your priority is testing and safety, no matter what.

6-APB loses all euphoria and sedation with redoses (for me at least) and combines terribly with other drugs (probably for everyone but definitely for me). The combination of it and MXPr made me uncomfortably stimulated, in a way that made me feel like a cellar spider with spindly ass legs that couldnt hold my body weight. I'm 6' tall, but I felt like I was 3', like my tiny jack russells came up to my waist. The aspect ratio of my vision was halfed, and it constantly felt like every part of the room was surrounding me rather than simply near me. I could barely walk; every time I did, my upper body would start leaning hard one or the other direction and my feet would get tangled. My vision was blurry and I typed on my phone with all the cadence and elegance of a fist fight.
My vision was blurry and I typed on my phone with all the cadence and elegance of a fist fight.

Mentally, it felt like my mind was made out of static. There was no euphoria nor any comforting emotions at all aside a slight novelty, and my mind felt like it was writhing and seizing in distant regret. Every sense wasn't so much dulled as quietened, including my vision, which I was not prepared for. While it was dysphoric in the sense of unpleasant, my brain was too deadened to feel true unhappiness or horror, and the whole experience felt like being lobotomized with very unpleasant side effects.

So I decided to add 5mg O-PCE oral once the MXPr wore (mostly) off. Because I'm a retard. It kicked in and felt like weak MXPr, but I thought because that stuff was so powerful and a downer (it's not a downer at all? I don't know why I thought this?) it would relax me. So I decided to add another 5mg O-PCE oral. Anyone who's tried O-PCE probably knows what happened next.

The details are fuzzy. The optical sliding and dizziness made me feel like my body was pushing my mind out. I felt like I was inside the room, rather than inside my body, but also like the entire universe now only consisted of my bedroom, and that I would never escape from it. I became convinced my past traumas were fake and never happened, and looking for photographic evidence made me extremely confused and suicidal. The faces of the people involved in that trauma looked distorted into demons, and I felt like, despite the fact I believed those traumas were fake, the delusions these people created in me controlled me and I would never escape them. I became convinced any consequence of bodily harm was also fake, and that my family also wasn't real. I have never been so desperate to commit suicide, in such an animalian and brutally uncompromising way, as in that moment. I became convinced death led only to reincarnation, and suicide was this universal cheat that would cause me to be reborn into a different life. If that life also wasn't good, I could kill myself again and again and again and again until I found a good one. Catecholamine depletion, the residual sedation from the MXPr, and the general confusion and lack of motor control stopped me from doing anything, but if that O-PCE made me manic enough to not be immobilized, I could be dead right now.

After several hours of this insanity, I finally fell asleep. I woke up and fell asleep several times throughout the next day, constantly pummeled by the residual effects of the O-PCE. Internal emptiness (might not be the O-PCE but I was feeling it strongly), nausea, dizziness, clumsiness, dissociation, and a kinda difficult to describe effect of being totally unaware of what was going on inside my body: I wasn't numb (in the sense of anesthetic numb), but I couldn't tell how hot or cold I was, how hungry I was, how full my stomach was, etc. which led to a very embarrassing experience. Towards the end of that night, I felt a rumble in my stomach and some gut irritation. Then, a fart started making its way down towards my backdoors. The lack of information I had about my body made me think it was safe to let that fart go. It was not. I farted and immediately felt a spray of cold down my ass and the back of my leg. I sharted diarrhea.

People use spray bottles to put dissos inside their body. My body turned itself into a spray bottle to get disso metabolites out.

I justified the sharting experience to myself by saying "God allows us to sin because if we didn't, he would have nothing to forgive us for".

Seriously though, I binged 250mg 6-APB, 100mg MXPr, and 10mg O-PCE, in 12 hours, with very little food, a lot of but too little water, and no tolerance whatsoever. The mental effects could've killed me before the physical effects did, but both were very dangerous. I thought, before I received the RCs, that I was being upstandingly safe with all my 20 hours+ research. I didn't account for compulsive redosing, general lack of control, ignorance, arrogance, and my own desperation to get high and be euphoric. That's why the latter is so dangerous. I was taking nutmeg and trying to find belladonna to get high, and trying to research ways to extract DMT from common reeds. I didn't care how or on what, I just wanted to get high. In the process, I exposed myself to real danger, probably harmed my body, wasted drugs, and wasted the experience.

TLDR: For beginners, testing doses is just as important as research, and however much research you've done, it isn't enough. Compulsivity and desperation to get high are very dangerous, and will either ruin your experience, ruin your body, kill you, or all 3. If you can't control yourself, don't do drugs. do not learn how to control yourself by getting RCs and having a bad experience like I did--learn to control yourself before getting them.

Exp Year: 2022ExpID: 116939
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: Jan 18, 2023Views: 758
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6-APB (516), 2'-Oxo-PCE (703), Methoxpropamine (896) : Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Hangover / Days After (46), Alone (16)

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