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Like Swimming in a Warm Ocean Full of Love
MMDA
Citation:   Crabby. "Like Swimming in a Warm Ocean Full of Love: An Experience with MMDA (exp117164)". Erowid.org. Sep 30, 2023. erowid.org/exp/117164

 
DOSE:
180 mg oral MMDA (capsule)
BODY WEIGHT: 180 lb
I was very interested in trying MMDA after reading a few of the scarce trip reports online and Shulgin's reports. Easygoing euphoria with intense "mind movie" CEVs sounded incredible. However, I never expected the experience I had on the beautiful sunny March day in NYC when I was finally able to taste this incredible substance myself.

I won't go into my sourcing, but what I was able to take was pure MMDA HCL. My intended plan was to go out in the afternoon with my partner C and spend the duration of the effects in a local park while she looked after me as a sober trip sitter. I was a little nervous since the come up of MDMA can sometimes be a little overwhelming. Before we left our apartment, I decided to eat something. I had a sandwich with chicken, avocado, bacon, lettuce, and tomato. This turned out to be a mistake as one of my friends later suggested that I experienced a much slower come up and decreased intensity from eating about half an hour before dosing. I wasn't thinking about stomach acid decreasing the absorption of salt. I was recommended to eat no less than 2-3 hours before dosing orally, and I would suggest this to anyone trying this substance in the future.

After eating and hanging out for about half an hour, I took 180mg of MMDA in a gelcap. The time was 3:45pm and the temperature was in the mid 50s. We then headed to the park with a blanket.

I will now refer to, and include, my notes taken on the day, and will include notes taken by my partner during the peak of the experience.

00:00 - Ingested ~180mg MMDA around 3:45 pm. Sunny ~50f.

00:30 - No noticeable activity yet. Slight butterflies in the stomach feeling, probably just nerves. Sitting in the park in the sunshine, gorgeous day. Feeling excited!

1:00 - No noticeable effects. Feel in a good mood, body feels slightly lighter. No visual or mental changes. Relaxed.

1:15 - First noticeable body feeling. Sedative and contented and peaceful. No anxiety. Lightness in limbs. Very mild so far.

1:30 - Feel a body rush similar to MDMA. A little lightheaded. Hard to focus eyes, keep closing slowly. Mild euphoria (peaceful, body feels relaxed and at peace). Feeling quite tired. No real visual distortion yet.

2:00 - Lightness of body, mild opiate-like euphoria similar to kratom with full body relaxation and noticeably lack of anxiety or worry. Slight "slideshow" visual effect, but no distortions, similar to what happens visually when stoned on Marijuana. Very tranquil and relaxed. No closed eye visuals.

**At this point during the experience, I was messaging one of my friends who was shocked I was having such a mild experience. After I told him I had eaten beforehand, he jokingly chided me and suggested I redose 80mg. I was feeling the effects enough to think that was a great idea, and my God, he was absolutely correct.**

2:15 - Really starting to feel physically and mentally euphoric like my body is wrapped in a warm blanket. No anxiety. Feeling very at peace and content to just be. Feel like I'm nodding out on opiates. Feel very slow and tired, but incredible euphoria. Body still feels light, hard to keep eyes open.

2:40 - Headed back home and re-dosed 80mg, mildness probably due to eating too soon before taking initially. Feeling nice and warmly euphoric. Hard to keep eyes open.

After this point, I became unable to record my own notes. What followed was almost three hours of intense, sedative body euphoria (lightness and ďwarm blanketĒ feeling) and the most vivid, realistic CEVs Iíve ever experienced. The intensity of the experience increased exponentially after taking the supplemental dose. I found myself enrapt in a full light body euphoria. I could feel my eyes rolling upwards every few seconds similarly to an intense MDMA experience. My partner later told me my body temperature was fairly high. Tactile sensation and sexual desire were noticeably increased. At one point, we had sex and it was intensely pleasurable. I was not able to reach climax, but I was extremely turned on and all physical sensations felt amazing.

The entactogenic qualities were there, but in a slightly different way than MDMA. Itís hard to describe, but I would say it was a more ďgeneralĒ kind of opening of the heart. MDMA gives the sense of openness as it relates to other people, MMDA felt more like I was opening to myself and the universe in general. For me, it was a much more ďinternalĒ experience, as if you turned the effects of MDMA inwards.

The really astounding and unique aspect of the experience is what people have referred to as ďmind movies'' or waking lucid dreams. I was expecting this, but I was wholly unprepared for what actually occurred. For about an hour and a half during the peak of the experience my eyes were closed, but I could see the entire time. Images, patterns, people, places all came to my mindís eye in extreme clarity. At first, my flow of consciousness dictated what I would see, but I eventually could conjure and interface with images and scenes. The effect was similar to what Iíve read in some Ibogaine experiences, although Iím sure less intense. The ability to ďswipeĒ things away, or focus on other images seemed so real. The details were incredible. If I imagined walking down a street I could look at a brick wall and see every pore and blemish on every individual brick. These were the most intense hallucinations Iíve ever experienced with any substance to date. It was extremely similar to what one experiences during dreams. Everything felt and looked so real, but I was lucid and conscious of what the experience actually was. When I would open my eyes briefly the world seemed somewhat normal, although I could still see the things in my mind in tandem with what I was actually seeing. Below Iíll post what my partner jotted down as I verbally described what I was seeing as a stream of consciousness. Iíll add some notes to what she originally wrote; these notations will be enclosed in asterisks ** in order to differentiate my expounded thoughts.

"Thoughts bring images to the forefront of my mindís eye.
Random images, faces of people I know like you **this is referring to my partner C** or unknown people.
Thinking about League of Legends, feels like Iím actually playing.
Feel like I can zoom and pan camera angle. **League of Legends is a popular online video game I play almost every day. The camera perspective is isometric, top down. I could see the game from this angle and others. It seemed like I was a floating camera able to hover and zoom around the map**
Random stuff.
A boy and an old man on a bus.
Cartoons.
A soccer field.
Instagram post. **Seeing images with text underneath like looking at an Instagram feed. I felt as if I could scroll up and down**
Feels so good, tranquil, light body, euphoric.
Skin feels so good, touching feels good.
All this feels like I am able to close my eyes and feel like Iím not here.
Nothing seems to be like a retracing of a memory. **I had a distinct feeling like none of these images or scenes were from my actual memory, but may have been influenced by memories.**
Stuff that appears in your mind's eye normally but a lot more, and more real feeling.
Like a dream feeling and so nice so nice. *moaaaan* ;) **This is her being cheeky referring to my moaning in ecstasy**

Definitely a similar MDMA feeling; opening up your heart.
The entactogenicÖness.
Goddamn having sex was fucking nuts, it was so fucking good, I was so turned on.

I see a little fuzzy dog on a table filling a glass of water.
Weird things like the apple loading circle in the middle of your vision.

Why is this drug notÖ Why are people not doing this?

I see a kid from a yo-yo contest drinking a cappuccino then spitting into another glass.

Lights shift like daylight then blue or yellow. **I remember this is referring to the lighting in the scenes I was witnessing. It was as if the time of day and angle of the sun was changing, creating casts of blue, orange, and yellow across the scenes. This effect added a lot of beauty and drama.**

Thinking about walking the streets of Soho, I can see people walking by and all the trash on the trash cans and traffic cones, cars crashing, lights in Times Square, bright lights everywhere.
Parties, massive rave.

My arm around you and someone else dancing.

Looks like Ice T the music dude smoking in a white pajama outfit and a weird hat.

News segments from CNN or something and snow covering everything. **From what I recall, the ďsnowĒ I am describing was like a tv static overlaid on what I was seeing**

Thinking of doodles and papers I used to work on in school.
Music and music notation Iíve worked on. **I havenít played music or read sheet music in a very long time, I was surprised by this one**

I can see my meemaw. **I could see and speak with my grandparents, I was getting somewhat emotional here and felt slight twinges of regret about what I wish I could discuss with them now.**

Iím in M and Kís **This is my sister and her boyfriend** apartment talking to them. My sister is holding a newborn baby. **My sister doesnít have a kid, just wanted to note this**

I imagine itís what ibogaine is like but way less intense, but you feel like you can interface and interact with memories or people. **I was trying to describe the sensation of being able to manipulate images as if they were on a touchscreen, as Iíve described above**

Best kind of psychedelic experience.

Can see with my eyes closed.
And picture the lights on the ceiling and tapestry the room with the lamp on. **I was telling her I could see the room we were in and all the details, even with my eyes closed. I was also able to see it in different light settings.**

See us on the bed with my eyes closed, itís mind boggling. **I could see us from a third person perspective.**


Feel like I havenít opened my eyes in hours and also like I havenít closed them.

Letting your mind wander is dreamlike.

I can see images as if they are cartoons in something like the New Yorker.

Dennis walking through a forest 100 ft tall. **For context, this was Dennis Reynolds from the show Itís Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I had a vision of him towering about the trees in a forest. No idea where this came from.**

They all took out brooms and sweeping rocks. **I donít remember this image.**

Want to get back on my bike **At some point I was telling C that I wanted to start riding my bike again, I believe I was feeling openness about some of my insecurities. Lately I have been feeling regret that I havenít been riding like I used to.**

Memes and weird things.

The home screen of League, there are 4 banners with champions **characters from League of Legends are referred to as champions** faces on them are re-cut and morphed into another champion like a Teemo, Rammus **two champions from the game** face hybrid.

I see you **referring to C** with colorful beads in your hand and youíre waving your arm to a piano player.

Standing in a dark corridor and a stick figure is running on the light switch and a stick figure mermaid came up and sliced him in half and there is blood everywhere.

ďI donít want it to endĒ **Sheís quoting me here, the experience was so intensely wonderful**

They should give this drug to blind people.
Havenít opened my eyes for long and you can see so many things in detail almost indistinguishable from reality.

Like an operating interface where you can just likeÖ.

Like being in the warm floating tub with a movie screen floating above you that you can control all you want, no bad feelings. Incredible, not overwhelming, fun, relaxing, everything feels better, sounds better, sexual feelings are so intense.


Miscellaneous observations from C:
Eyes rolling back a lot and fluttering and shutting as if you are drifting into sleep
Lethargic
Horny
Lots of moaning
Slurred/ lazy speech
Body was very warm"

As Iím sure is obvious, I had a completely positive experience with MMDA. It was intense, personal, loving, visual, interesting, and euphoric. It felt as if my whole mind, body, and soul were in perfect unison and happy to just exist; the total dissipation of anxious patterns of thought. This isnít something that I would want to do in a social situation. Seems more suited to meditative or therapeutic situations. I imagine doing some healing work with this substance would be extremely efficient. The downsides were the slow come up (probably due to eating beforehand) and a comedown the day after. I woke up around 8am and just felt a little off and somewhat irritable, similar to an MDMA comedown. This feeling came in waves throughout the day and at times felt similar to an alcohol hangover with feelings of unease, anxiety, and slight nausea. A good nightís sleep, lots of water, and good food took care of that by the second day after the experience. I would not hesitate to take this compound again, and am especially interested in using it in a more directed therapeutic way. It was hours of peace, bliss, and beautiful imagery. Like floating in a warm ocean full of love.

Exp Year: 2023ExpID: 117164
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 31
Published: Sep 30, 2023Views: 16
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MMDA (593) : First Times (2), Glowing Experiences (4), Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53)

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