DOSE:

oral

Cacti - T. pachanoi

(tea)

BODY WEIGHT:

224 lb

First Two Mescaline Trips

I have recently had two mescaline experiences separated by two weeks, with very different effects / experiences and post trip effects. These are my first experiences with any psychedelic drugs and my first experience with any drugs other than some weed gummies in Canada a few years ago (and of course alcohol, my nemesis). My questions mainly are about how long the after effects last and whether 'echo effects' are common (will describe this more in a comment).

The first trip I had the top half of my cactus (slightly less than an arms length) which tapered towards the top i.e. maybe as thick as my wrist at the top and thicker at the base. I made a tea using a method described online with about four hours of boiling. Dosing was done by drinking half at 9AM, 1/4 at 930, and 1/4 at 1030

During the trip I felt at 30 minutes in a perception shift (I stood outside my house and suddenly noticed an over-perception of birds flying out of nearby trees and an intense focus on them), and a steadily building body high from about the 30-45 minute mark. This continued until about 2 hours when I started having sort of clairvoyant questions and answers (I had gone into the trip intending to try and heal / change my mind about certains quitting alcohol, why do I drink, changing habits, and some other things - had a whole list of questions). The body high was a surprise to me (didn't research this particularly well) and up until the 2-3 hour point I thought that I had bought or done the wrong thing.

From the 2 hour mark I started having alot of intense clairvoyant insight; I recorded myself extensively during this period and was able to write many things down (albeit often in very large writing - body high made it hard to write).

I had alot of insights about alcohol, why I drink, how to stop, habits, some personal aspects of my past (death in the family) and various other things. The answers seemed to me to be coming from 'the cactus' but I suppose they came from different parts of my mind. This period was also intermittent with laying on the grass outside - I had an intense urge to lay on the grass in the sun. I had prepared an area outside with a blanket on the ground and pillows because I had heard this might happen; it turned out to be quite hot (trip started at 9am and it was around 11 when I wanted to lay down). Anyway I went back and forth between the blanket and inside every 15-20 minutes. Hallucinogenic effects seemed to be relatively mild during this period - some multiple imagery of objects in my house and kaleidoscoping of birds (not sure how to describe it - sort of like being hyper-able to see and hear birds in slow motion but also see them at 3 different places at once as they flew across the sky).

From around the 4 hour mark I was overcome by an intense urge to lay in the grass and be in the sun - going as far as taking the blanket away so I could touch the grass. This was the most intense portion of the trip and lasted about 2 hours. I felt myself melting away into the grass and the urge to ask questions went away. I felt an intense connection to mother earth and felt that all things are connected - people, places, mother earth. I felt myself zooming out of my home in New Zealand to the world and seeing the connections on my street, town, and the world. I also seemed to come up with the words earth mother, sky mother, and volcano mother (I live on a volcano). The body high was less but I felt an intense feeling of love and connection. At this stage I also felt that my brother (deceased) was with me and that because he is part of the earth and sky and I am part of the earth and sky that we are all still connected and he is gone but still here (this point will become important when I describe the second trip). After the peak I came inside best described as goopy, but still with an intense urge to lay down.

Spent alot of time laying down on a long, gradual comedown, still feeling mild hallucinogenic effects and happiness. There was at this stage the first ' sad ' parts of the trip - some crying about my brother and being alone which lasted maybe 10-15 minutes. This was followed by the only 'dark' part of the trip. I had read some flight instructions about essentially facing fear / leaning into it rather than turning away. I saw a demonic, metallic face with my eyes closed - red lights in the shape of the face, and I could read the emotion of the face although it didn't seem to have a face. It alternated between threatening me and threatening people I care about. When it threatened me I did nothing, turned away, did not react, but when it threatened others, I started getting angry and wanting to fight it. As it alternated back and forth it started threatening people I cared about more and more, until eventually it threatened my five year old niece and in my rage I felt myself reaching into the volcano beneath me and sucking the lava out and pouring it into the demon face until it dissolved. I then had the thought that the cactus was trying to show me the difference between how I reacted when it threatened me and how I reacted when it threatened others. The demon face returned, and this time when it threatened me I started it down and told it to leave; it again alternated to threatening my neice; and as I felt the rage building within me again the face developed a look of fear and dissolved. I recorded myself after this saying that I thought it was trying to show me that I don't defend myself or stand up for myself because as a kid I couldn't, but now I can - as demonstrated by the fact that I defeated the demon when it threatened my niece.

The trip gradually faded and around 6pm I started feeling the effects were really wearing off although sunset (around 7:30) was still supersaturated and beautiful. I was finally able to sleep around 9.

The next day I woke up at 6am - one of the things I had asked in my q&a period - and went for a run; something I have been trying to do for a decade with no success (get up and exercise). I then went about my day quite productively. In the evening I went to the store (I habitually drink around 1L of 7% beer a day) but felt no urge to drink; instead I felt drawn to some mandarin oranges. For the next two weeks more or less this carried on (I drank socially at work a few times but that's it) along with an elevated mood and morning running.

Trip number 2 was 2 weeks after the first one (on this past saturday). This time there were some differences in the cactus that are important; the bottom half of the cactus was much thicker, and the full length of my arm rather than just short. It had also been stressed longer (two weeks inside my house mostly in the dark, followed by a few days in the fridge). I also brewed the cactus longer - about 8 hours this time, and made a slight change to the brewing process - the first time I just drained the cactus cuttings to get the water, this time i also put the cuttings of the cactus in a shirt and squeezed all the liquid out.

I have lots of questions again - about 20 of them that I've written down over the past weeks; the most important ones are that I want to be healed and I want to change my habits (there are lots more).

I started earlier, at 6:30 AM. Dosing was done as 3/8ths at 630AM, 3/8s at 7AM, and 2/8ths at 7:15AM (faster dosing than the first time). Felt alot queasier than the first time but not vomming.

Effects came on significantly faster. 10 minutes after the first 3/8ths, I felt a tingling sensation in my legs that was quite significant. I figured this one was alot stronger. By the time I took the second 3/8ths the body high was kicking in massively and a perceptual shift at started - again the hyper-perception of the birds including noticing birds flying out of trees several houses down and suddenly being aware of the noise of and being able to see the birds in the trees in my yard.

Around 7:45 the hallucinogenic effects seemed to start - I wrote and talked in the records about additional colour in the clouds, a hyper-white colour of the clouds, deeper blue around the clouds, clouds appearing purple. I wrote at this time that I felt that the gates were opening.

Around 8:30 I started wanting to lay in the grass outside, it wanted me to lay on the grass, even though the grass was wet from overnight rain and it was cold outside. I put on sweatpants / hoodie and a coat and layed under a blanket (seriously it was cold). Hallucinogenic effects at this stage included seeing shifting patterns in the cloud, faces in the clouds, deeper colours, hyper-perception of the dew on the grass. In all the time after this I am mostly laying on the grass ( on the grass predominantly until 6-7pm except when coming inside to pee / drink water / make my recordings and notes every half hour to hour or soish)

I read my second list of questions but I didn't feel the same clairvoyant question and answer effect that I did. Instead, what I got seemed to be Gaia saying hush boy, you don't always get answers. Lay down and let me show you.

I also wrote 'the meaning of life - just be' in gigantic letters on my notebook at this stage.

Around 9: starting seeing colour between and around the clouds (eg. purple lines around the clouds), cat faces in the clouds; a lion face far away in the clouds; and then the clouds dissolved into fractal pattern of fluffy white kitties (in the audio recording I describe them as being like doctor evils cat before it got shaved). I could also hear a cat meowing a few doors down (alot of outdoor cats on my street). Still a massive body high. Also noticing extra texture to everything.

Shortly after at 9:10 - numbers started appearing inside out and backwards. Birds again - seeing the wings flapping in slow motion and also hearing the sound of the flapping and seeing the birds in multiple places as they flew across the sky.

Around 10AM: Smaller-bigger hallucinogenic effects; my hands started feeling tiny and then larger and my arms stretching. When watching my face in the selfie video it seemed to be curving and distorting. Kitties in the clouds still; started feeling that the earth was spinning the opposite way as normal and that it was because the kitties in the clouds were using the earth as a ball to play with / paw at. At some point the clouds dissolved into a triangular fractal pattern.

Wrote down: She (earth mother or gaia or the cactus?) telling me to Let it be, don't have to aks questions all the time. The purpose of life is to just be and to just play. It was showing me.

10:30 - laying outside listening to the beatles instrumental (no singing); clouds started dancing intenstly to the beetles. In the audio and recordings I start losing what the concept of time means. Laughing and extremely happy. Feel that she is showing me to just play and have a good time. In the videos I am struggling intensly to keep my head up; I can only hold my head up for 3-4 seconds at a time then down for 10 seconds - in the video I'm mostly face planting trying to pull my head back up to talk. A

Went back outside. AT the time it felt like I was outside for eternity between 10:30 and the recording at 11:30 although I guess it was an hour.

I went back outside and I recall laying there asking my brother to walk with me, walk with me, walk with. Be with me. Over and over. He answered back 'how can I walk with you, you are laying in the grass.'.Laying in the grass I had closed my eyes and saw blacker than black, and around the edges of the black were lines surrounded by pearly black balls flowing away - it was me, I was dissolving and disintegrating.

11:30 - in the video I made at 11:30 I immediately say that i have just had the greatest experience of my entire life. I am smiling. I was back in Canada after my brother died and in Europe when I found out my brother died, but also in Europe before i found out my brother died (the morning I found out he died but before I found at I recall feeling a presence in my room watching me even though it was just me in the room, and the night before I had become fixated on a huge raven that seemed to be following me) - I experienced being the raven and being the presence in the room. But I was also in New Zealand laying on the grass in my yard. But I was also in Canada. But time and space meant nothing but I was in the past and the present...and I was time. And I was the earth. And I was with my brother but I was also my brother, and I was my father, and I felt myself merge into everyone. I recall a zooming in and out scene from the sky where I zoomed in close up on my laying on the grass (out of body) then higher up, then higher up and further away still. I felt an overwhelming sense of love and unity; I can only describe it like everything in my mind and the world being pressed into a ball that was one interconnected thing. At the depth of the experience there was a metallic voice repeating in a wave-like fashion (something to do with our brain waves I guess?) "He's gone but he's still here he's gone but he's still here he's gone but he's still here he's gone but he's still here". As I came out of I heard, he walks with you. You walk together.

After this I had 2-3 more hours of laying outside watching the clouds, hallucinogenic effects - colours etc. I listened to music alot and I saw the music with my eyes closed dancing as colours and at times I could taste the music or taste things like flowers (and also hear them?). Sound also seemed to be 4-dimensional as did images on the computer. I have a boom 3 speaker and when it played I felt like I was being teleported and streteched - as if I was standing beside the speaker across the room but also sitting in my chair. Images on the computer also seemed to be four dimensional, or maybe just 3d out of 2d (basically, I could percieve and see the 3d distance between the layers in the images even though it's 2d - had the same effect looking at the clouds with clouds at different elevations. Like I was looking at the image from below but also I was up in the sky looking at it from the side at the same time).

Around 2-3 in the afternoon it seemed to be wearing off a bit and as before the trip started taking a bit sadder turn. The faces in the clouds stopping being cats and started being different not so nice faces - two-faced faces (happy / sad, or evil / nice), skull faces, the occasional demon, mean witch looking old ladies. I stared them all down and said I wasn't afraid of them and one by one they would go away. In between mean faces there were still some nice ones - a lion that had a four-dimensional mouth with a 3d box inside covered in insideout and backwards numbers and symbols. A long white cloud that became a huge fish eating plankton. Lots of fun effects with the music (dancing colorful closed eye visuals).

The comedown was (and still is) looong. Around 6 the closed eye visuals turned 'grey' for a period. Like, instead of seeing closed eye visuals or normal eye-closed, with my eyes shut everything was just solid grey.

Later in the evening after sunset (around 7-8) it still hadn't fully worn off, and I started getting nervous - it had been over 14 hours. Laying indoors the yellow light I had placed across the room and the heat pump started seeming demonic, like hell. The 1975 live at maddison square garden music video I had watched many times (I'm in love with you) instead of seeming 4d and happy, the singer started seeming like satan and the yellow like hell. I turned it off. I stared down the yellow light. Laying on my futon I started to hear a noise beside the bed where there was no sound source...the sound of the void, sucking in. Like sound hollow inside out sucking into an infinitely deep hole. In the video I say tha there are hands coming out of it. I reach out and hold them. I don't like it. Eventually I decide that the solution is to stuff the fluffy cloud kitties into the hole and let it close. I say I'm not afraid of it. Eventually it closes. At some point after this I lay outside on the deck under the stars - there are still effects. Some of the stars seem to supernova and then come back, others flick in and out. Orion and Orions belt stretches and eventually shifts so that it seems to be pointing at something (milky way?). The stars also spread out in a way that they don't normally and I can see all kinds of random and new connections between the stars. Not sure how to describe it.

Later I am in bed. Still, she wont let me go. I feel mildly anxious and energetic and am not able to sleep until 1am. Right up until I fall asleep I am still getting mild effects when looking at my phone screen - the green light in the top right corner getting bigger and other effects, and mild closed eye visuals. When I wake up, the effects don't seem to have fully worn off - in the morning I have brief closed eye visuals of a fractal pattern of cactuses.

The interesting part, and the part that I'm concerned about with the second trip, is that it's now 2 days later and I still feel a mild paranoia and maybe like mild psychosis. Not full on but I feel unusually jumpy and on edge. Other effects are the same - I feel the deep feeling of love and closure and I've also been getting up at 6am and going for runs. Will this wear off? I also still have verrry mild effects like over-perception of patterns in my coffee, or the bubble animation on my phone screen when I dial the pin in although that is fading.

An aspect of the second trip seems to have been duality (actually both trips, although the first was milder) - the two faced faces, the experience of sadness after intense happiness. I'm wondering if because the second trip seems to have been much stronger and deeper that is why the comedown has been longer.

So, that's all. Well - there's really more than this (I have 10 pages of during and post notes and drawings from each one and probably ~2 hours of audio and video from each one).

Exp Year: 2023	ExpID: 117168
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 32
Published: Sep 30, 2023	Views: 16
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Cacti - T. pachanoi (64) : Hangover / Days After (46), General (1), Alone (16)