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Drowning in My Own Negligence
MDMA (Ecstasy), Methallylescaline & Tadalafil
Citation:   Moldy Plates. "Drowning in My Own Negligence: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy), Methallylescaline & Tadalafil (exp117408)". Sep 29, 2023.

T+ 0:00
1 tablet oral MDMA  
  T+ 0:00 6 mg oral Pharms - Tadalafil (pill / tablet)
  T+ 0:00 50 mg oral Methallylescaline (powder / crystals)
  T+ 4:30 1 shot oral Alcohol - Hard  
  T+ 14:00   smoked Cannabis  
Background: It has been a boring summer so far, my partner and I have been spending a lot of time stuck at home on COVID watch, as my partner contracted it and neither of us could really go see friends. We decided to have a fun day once she was feeling better but was still testing positive.

I had previously enjoyed the spirituality of 40mg of MAL + 15mg of 4-AcO-MET (sitting on a bench outside a concert, a ray of light fell down on ME specifically and the music became the voice of a god that I did not believe in) a month or so ago, and she hadn't tried any mescaline analogs before. She dosed 40mg, while I decided to do a MDMA/MAL flip. I had previously had a great time on 100mg of MDMA+15mg of 2C-B, so this seemed like an ok combination. However, it became a trainwreck/near-death experience since I had not considered that the MDMA was from a new source, in tablet form rather than crystals I could weigh myself, and I did not properly monitor my vitals.
I had not considered that the MDMA was from a new source, in tablet form rather than crystals I could weigh myself, and I did not properly monitor my vitals.
It was also my first time taking a drug that I had not directly procured myself. After this wake-up call, I cannot ever imagine taking a drug that I have not extracted, synthesized, or tested myself, and I do not want to do any sort of flip again. 5HT2A agonists are enough.

10:00 am - We began the day with toaster hash browns, white toast, coffee, and 6mg of Cialis each. After breakfast, I made hibiscus/lemongrass/ginger tea, and dissolved each of our doses in our cups (40mg for her, 50mg for me). I took my "MDMA" tablet, and she started slowly sipping her tea, I had warned to ingest slowly to avoid stomach upset. Around 15 minutes later, I was feeling WAY too much stimulation and decided that I needed a walk and to avoid my tea. My walk brought on strong loving feelings, and while I was wary that this was WAY more stimulating than any MDMA experience before, I reminded myself that this was probably MDMA plus a stimulant like amphetamine, and that other people had taken these tablets before. When I got back, I made us fruit smoothies (mango, pineapple, banana, avocado, watermelon, orange juice), and mixed the MAL tea I had in the fridge into my blender bottle.

11:00 am - I sipped this bottle over the next 30 minutes or so as my stimulation reached alarming levels. Nystagmus, jaw clenching, teeth grinding were all uncontrollable. But I was so happy I didn't care. Once my smoothie was done (12pm), I realized that I was sweating profusely, and decided that a nonalcoholic beer would help keep me hydrated. When I finished that, we attempted fooling around, only to find that I was totally unable to participate. The shaking alone would make things difficult, but I was also having erection problems. We laughed a little at the situation and I decided that we just need to wait for sobriety, things happen.

12:30 pm - Once back outside, I felt thirsty and drank my 40 ounce water bottle. Without any thinking, I refilled it, and kept sipping water in the shade. I was having fun still, and writing all sorts of loving things down, finding ways to appreciate the experience of being alive. The sweating was reaching epic proportions. I sipped some water. My partner was having a good time, coloring and thinking about childhood.

1:00 pm - At this point, I finally realized what was happening. Water toxicity. My stomach had bloated to a size that I had never experienced. I realized that I hadn't gone pee at all since taking my “MDMA” tablet two hours ago. Tentatively, I went to the bathroom, only to find that my stim dick had reached alarming levels and that my bladder was totally, completely empty. No urine, and a stomach FULL of water. I literally burped up a mouthful of water and spit out the slightly colored/cloudly liquid. Probably a lot of smoothie with MAL was still in there too. The temperature outside was 77F, and I was DRENCHED in sweat. A peristaltic movement was felt in my gut, and suddenly I went from a pleasant turned-on (+) MAL feeling to a full-blown (+++) ego-destroying psychedelic experience. But I also had a part of my brain still in survival mode. In terror, I asked my partner to go get a thermometer and blood pressure cuff.

1:15 pm - An oral thermometer read 94F, prompting me to take a rectal reading since I assumed that it couldn't be right. Rectal read 94.5F. I got a second thermometer and had her use it on herself. 98.9F. I took the second thermometer and used it on myself, 94.6F. Fuck fuck fuck. I couldn't tell where the MAL left off and the hyponatremia began, but I rushed to a hot shower until I got a thermometer reading of 98.1F, about 20min of hot water time. Delirium continued until I managed to choke down a banana, a potassium tablet, and a small amount of salt water. Purging wouldn’t come, no matter how hard I retched.

2:00 pm - The next phase of the crisis began when I left the shower. I knew amphetamines acted as MAOIs, and I know from mescaline/harmine experiments that MAOIs can really enhance the experience. But I fucked up that day. I didn't know how much of an MAOI in the form of stimulant I had taken, but I did know that this was far far beyond any psychedelic experience I had ever been a part of. My blood pressure was all over the place. 145/115 when sitting, whipping to 110/70 when I stood up. I couldn’t get a heartrate reading. But there still wasn’t any urine, I needed to sweat more out. I was still bursting with water, and purging still wouldn’t happen. I decided to take a slow walk to help the sweating along, while bringing a thermometer to see when this evaporative cooling was going too far. When I returned, my temperature was back down to 96F.

2:30 pm - I knew that there was no way I could sweat all this out, I HAD to get urine going again. I took a shot of liquor (not sure what type, all the bottles looked like lab reagent bottles at this point), and slowly started to feel warmth spread through my veins. When the warmth got to my lower back, I felt a sharp kidney pain. I continued to have sinister thoughts about going too far, about what the MK ULTRA boys must have found out about reality when you turn on every single 5HT2A receptor at once. After about 15 minutes, I finally felt the ability to urinate, collecting about 50ml of somewhat dark urine. It was working! I took another shot, feeling another wave of peristalsis, and another level of MAL come-up. But I was all out of (+++) to describe it.

3:00 pm - I was no longer on Earth, I was in a place where material realities and ideas meet. With eyes open, I saw a cartoon Sasha Shulgin puttering around a graveyard in the grass, futzing with the gravestones that had chemical diagrams drawn on them. He looked up, turned, went to the wall to lean with long clawlike hands, and gave me a quizzical look, unsure if he should intervene in my predicament or leave me be. When I closed my eyes, pink and orange neon goblets rotated and merged, receding into blackness and more sinister thoughts about the nature of reality, forbidden knowledge, and Icarus. I managed to get myself inside to try to mitriculate again, collecting nearly 100ml this time, a much lighter color. After this, another wave of peristalsis was felt and I went up another level. Surfaces moved endlessly, and I HAD to be outside for fear that the apartment would grow teeth and eat me. This continued for 4 or 5 more hours, I would manage to get a little more liquid out, my intestines would absorb more of the liquid I foolishly consumed, and more MAL would come with it. Mayan symbols replaced my ocular input, and once again I knew that an infinite number of little + signs couldn’t describe this.

9:00 pm - My partner had come down fully by now and was interested in sleeping. I was still very high, but was now in a space I could at least recognize as similar to the peak of 300 mics of acid, some 8 hours after I first started to come up on MAL. I asked her to stay up with me for a little bit, I was too scared to be alone. She was kind and watched some sitcoms with me before falling asleep on the couch. I gently woke her up and we brushed our teeth then laid in bed. She never really slept that night she said, but was in a restful in-between state.

12:00 am - I was WIRED. At this point, I did not actually think “mixed amphetamines” is what was mixed with this serotonin-releasing agent (how can I know that this was even MDMA?), but some sort of methamphetamine based on the duration of action. During my sleepless night, I got up and produced a trickle of urine every hour or two, smoked a little weed to calm down, and managed to masturbate at one point to allay my fears of permanent erectile damage.

5:00 am - I decide to get up, my thoughts are too fearful and paranoid. I have missed messages from yesterday, family tried to contact me. I feel awful, worse than any hangover I have ever experienced. I used to have perfect teeth. My teeth ACHE. The back molars are ground/chipped on the back edges. One of my lower front teeth is chipped slightly. My eyes are more bloodshot than they have ever been. My neck kills, and my kidneys have a dull ache to them. I’m afraid to drink too much water in case I can’t pee again. My muscles feel weak, I am depleted. My reflexes and reaction time are normal, but I’m discoordinated. Mentally, I feel generally clear, though depressed and emotional.

9am day 2 - My partner gets up, and I gush tears thanking her for dealing with my shit, for being willing to babysit me when I was scared to be out of eyesight for fear of fainting, for being open to having a fun experience even though I turned it into a train wreck. I have written many pages since I first got up pondering if I was subconsciously trying to kill myself. I knew that this combination was not good, or should have fucking knew. No, I didn’t anticipate the loss of kidney function, but I should have remembered the MAOI action as a problem and dumped my MAL tea out. She told me that it was ok, that she didn’t have to do anything for me besides be there, she was just glad that I was able to diagnose my problem and solve it before ending up in the ER. Based on my memories of that shower time, I was seconds away from blacking out.

12pm day 2 - I manage to get a cinnamon roll down, barely. Coffee reminds me that I have horrible acid reflux throat, even though I never managed to purge. I did burp up gross most of the night.

9pm day 2 - We manage to have some brief sex after getting burritos, I think she knew that I was worried about my penis after having my first ever erectile problem. She falls asleep immediately, I toss and turn. Eventually I think I drifted off to vivid, vicious, emotional dreams. They were so disturbing, so demanding, that I “woke up” exhausted. I NEVER remember my dreams, and I am unsure if I really slept or if I was in an in-between “resting” place.

9am day 3 - I’m still hungover, and my teeth feel worse. At least I have a dentist appointment next week. Super groggy. This time I can eat though. Peristalsis appears to be returning to normal, last night’s burrito exits after coffee. Urine is produced, but the stream is weaker than normal. We fool around a little again, I’m less worried about that particular issue, but wary of my sore kidneys. I can now feel every time they move liquid, a sensation that was previously unknown to me. I’ve never been “strong” but I am athletic, and I really dislike this feeling of weakness, of my body failing me.

12pm day 3 - I manage to eat lunch, then sit in the pool with a joint, still not feeling right. My partner went off to visit friends, and told me that this was actually her best psychedelic experience. Mushrooms don’t really do enough for her (fluoxetine), LSD is too pushy, and MAL was just right (while also being the most visual for her). I reiterate my regret at fucking up what was supposed to be a fun sex day, and she assured me that it was ok, we can have more good times later when I am recovered. I spend most of the day brooding, still depressed, still weepy, still worried about permanent damage.

9pm day 3 - I struggle to fall asleep again, and the dreams are more vivid now, more emotional. Several people I’ve wronged in life visit me while I “sleep”. Some are gentle and want to make amends, some express desire and longing to reunite, and some physically attack me. Once again I woke up completely exhausted (72 hours after taking that tablet!), and freaked out since again, I do not remember dreams. My external jugular veins ache, like pipes that have been pressurized over and over, and my teeth still ache. My kidneys are more normal though, and defecation has normalized. The rest of the day I continue to feel regret and attempt to integrate the sinister feelings from the height of the trip.

Be mindful of mixing drugs. I’m more and more convinced (based on duration of action) that what happened was that I mixed MDMA or another serotonin-releasing agent, methamphetamine, and MAL. Be mindful of your source, test your drugs. I’m never tripping with anyone else’s drug again. Be mindful of your physical state when tripping. I’m less sure now that I was in immediate danger of death, and also less sure that things would have been ok if I hadn’t thought to take my vitals. And if you’re me, avoid strong stimulant experiences. Things like the DOx family are probably on my “don’t ever try” list after this. I’ll make a full recovery and trip again. But I’m freaked out.
Things like the DOx family are probably on my “don’t ever try” list after this. I’ll make a full recovery and trip again. But I’m freaked out.
And now that I’ve been in a hot shower taking thermometer readings while eating bananas, I have an idea of what delirium must be like. It will be funny someday, but right now, it’s been traumatizing to even write this down. I’ve had difficult experiences before, things that others might describe as a “bad trip”, but this was my sole “bad” trip, as defined as a medical emergency while tripping. And it will be my last. I’m not taking risks like that again, it’s embarrassing to even admit this level of irresponsibility.

This has reminded me to love, to experience, and to live. If we aren’t careful, we stop living, and we stop experiencing, we stop being able to love. I have regrets, but I have learned from them and will take those lessons to my future experiences.

Exp Year: 2023ExpID: 117408
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 36
Published: Sep 29, 2023Views: 15
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MDMA (3), Methallylescaline (586) : Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Hangover / Days After (46), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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