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Psychologically Addicting for Me
MDMA
Citation:   TheZetaEm. "Psychologically Addicting for Me: An Experience with MDMA (exp117532)". Erowid.org. Oct 11, 2024. erowid.org/exp/117532

 
DOSE:
  repeated oral MDMA (powder / crystals)
    smoked Cannabis  
      Vitamins / Supplements  
BODY WEIGHT: 70 kg
My MDMA Abuse Experience

I write this report to take to your eyes my personal experience with MDMA.

The First Time

My experience begins in June 02 2023, my first time using MDMA at a big festival. Was with some friends of mine and had some experience in the past with shrooms (never high doses), and did lot of cannabis in the last 13 years. I always used to go listen to techno music, always just smoking weed, and had an amazing time! This time I decided to try a small dose of MDMA crystals (about 0.1g), on suggestion of my friend. We waited till 1:30 am and then three of us parachuted the given dose. In about half an hour I begin to feel the effects, music is nicer, my body moves effortlessly, closing my eyes makes me lose myself to the music, everybody around me seems the best company I could have. When the music stopped at 4:00 am, I felt disappointed because I could dance another two hours. We then came back to our hotel, and at 7:00am I shared another 0.1 grams with my best friend. We had an unforgettable time listening to music and closing our eyes to the rising sun.

The return home

I couldn't stop thinking about how fantastic was that experience
I couldn't stop thinking about how fantastic was that experience
, and decided to look for some Molly to try having another one. Took me one month, but I finally bought some grams. In this month I carefully informed myself about MDMA, do and dont's, supplements, food, activity and anything that could make me safer. I was honestly obsessed with it.

I didn't tested the substance, but I got my confirmation trying a little amount (0.05g) and recognizing the same exact effects (a little less pronounced), and was satisfied with that. Then I looked for a free night to try it at home, and I did 0.1g, which I dropped two more times spaced about 2 ours each. Had a nice time listening to music and feeling tingles in my body as I move every muscle, and got emotional about things I normally would not react to.

The start of the binge

I was conscious that I had to respect the three-month rule, and reading other experiences I promised myself to not exaggerate with MDMA, or I would be depressed for months. I also bought 500g of pure Vit.C and 300mg capsules of Alpha Lipoic Acid, because both were found to be helpful with keeping down the tolerance and the serotonin depletion. I couldn't resist trying it another time, and waited just a week to repeat the experience. I ate a 300mg ALA capsule 30 min before MDMA, and took also Vit.C (about 0.5g) in a 200ml water glass. I then parachuted, also this time, 3 doses but the first was a little higher (0.120 g) and the others, spaced from 1 to 2 hours, were about 0.07 g. Had a nice experience, but not overwhelming like the first.

Then, two days after that, I did the same but trying a little more (0.150g, followed by 0.1g + 0.1g). A nice experience, though incomparable to the first.

The day after I did the same, and then a few days later I did it again. In a month I did it about a dozen times and used a total of 3 grams, ALWAYS using those supplements (I always took 3 capsules of ALA before and the following two days after every binge and, maybe most importantly, going to sleep every time after that. I NEVER skipped my sleep).

Everyday, after every time I used it, I was glowing and felt happy. I just had the perpetual sense of guilt about myself, and the eventual damage I was probably doing to my brain, but overall I was fine.

The last time I used it was 5 days ago, and I eyeballed for the first time a big dose about 0.25g, followed by another two doses of 0.2. I felt like the first time, and had an amazing, relaxing time listening to music and dancing in the dark of my room, with my parents sleeping in the room in front of mine. During every session I smoked 2-4 joints. I now feel normal, slightly happy, and little concerned about how I could feel in a few days, but I'm positive. I keep eating the right food (turkey, chicken, tomatoes, fruit and vegetables, 85% dark chocolate, everything with natural ALA, minerals and tryptophan) and drink about 2 liters of water per day.

The point of my experience

I wanted to share this experience to make you think about your safety. I now list all that I have learned from this month experience, but always remember that this is only ONE point of view.

I also have to say that I have Gilbert Syndrome, which make me live with a higher concentration of bilirubin in my blood. Bilirubin is an antioxidant and could have helped me going through this binge with less harm. But for now we don't really know.

1) MDMA is really powerful, and A LOT psychologically addicting for me. Every promise I did to myself was soon broken, and every parachute I swallowed I firmly thought was the last, but in fact it never was. I chased Molly everyday for a month. I chased the buzz and swallowed an unsafe quantity of crystals
I chased Molly everyday for a month. I chased the buzz and swallowed an unsafe quantity of crystals
, and I am now satisfied because, in about a dozen times, I re-found the amazing magic I felt the first time.

2) Supplements

3) Sleep. Every time.

4) MDMA, like every drug, is a Goddess, and it's better to do it alone. Cannabis is an everyday thing for me, so it felt normal to smoke in a session. Don't make her angry, or she will take away all the happiness she brought. How I know? "We can't deny the experience of others."

5) Life is an up and down journey, we can't feel happy all the time, and this is normal. Accept your normal life, make it better, live the sadness. Every emotion deserves attention. Delay your MDMA sessions, and you could live amazing moments without being concerned for damages.

Be safe, don't play, respect, be grateful.

Thank you

Exp Year: 2023ExpID: 117532
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 31
Published: Oct 11, 2024Views: 15
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MDMA (3) : Various (28), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11)

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