DOSE: T+ 0:00	300 mg	oral	DXM
T+ 24:00	3 hits	oral	LSD	(blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT:

92 lb

LSD, DXM (was on a 2 week binge before the LSD but did not take it with the 3 tabs, but it was still very much in my system)

This is the most traumatic, eye-opening, experience I have gone through while on drugs. This is the reason why I am trying to quit drugs.

I've been robotripping since 2020. I fell in love with DXM, resulting in me slowly becoming psychologically addicted to it over the years. DXM was my introduction to drugs, and I still can't kick it now.

Before we even get into my awful acid trip, I have to state that I was driving myself insane with all the DXM I was doing before I dropped those motherfucking tabs. For 2 weeks I was taking about 10 freebase DXM pills every day. To top it all off I was also extremely depressed and going through horrible relationship problems.

One day, my pal, my buddy, my friend sent me 5 tabs of good ol' LSD through the mail. The day before it got there I had done 300 mg of DXM just like every day in the past 2 weeks. I was quite irrational at the time, blaming all my life's problems on my poor boyfriend who lived states away. I also live in a very strict household, I only trip at night.

It was a typical night, at 7 pm, my grandmother had gone to bed, and thats when I knew it was time to drop the 3 tabs. It took an hour for the trip to kick in, like always. This was the largest dose of LSD I have done on my own. I was not prepared.

At first it was the most beautiful, euphoric experience I had felt. I was listening to Ceres and Calypso in The Deep Time with my big bulky headphones hooked up to my computer, laying in bed, felt like I was in The Matrix. I was crying tears of joy, this was how orgasmic the trip was at first.

A couple hours in I started feeling very confused, didn't quite know where I was. Was very scared for some reason that I wasn't going to be ok. It just started to feel like I lost myself.

At about midnight I had started sobbing uncontrollably, texting my poor friend that my life was completely over, saying I had lost my mind, saying my life was just all one big joke.

I'm pretty sure this was ego death, I was just way too mentally unstable to handle it.

At about 1 am I somehow pulled myself out of bed, took a boxcutter, and tried to cut myself out of the trip. Which did not work. I then held the boxcutter to my throat, I wanted to kill myself. very hard against my throat, that's when I snapped out of it.

I walked out of my room, picked up a house phone for some reason and called the ambulance on myself. I told them I was on acid, and that I thought I was going psychotic. I had intentions to kill myself but was too pussy to follow through.

I paced in the dark hallway for what felt like hours. When the police finally arrived, I walked out with my hands up, and talked to the officer. I told him exactly what I had told the 911 operator.

When I saw my grandmother walk out of the front door I turned around, leaned on the police car and started sobbing violently until the ambulance came.

When I got off the ambulance, the lady taking me off was being very snotty. She had told me to shut up, to stop crying, that people who were actually sick and needed to be there were trying to sleep. So I sat up and yelled at her "Why are you being such a cunt?" and she told me I needed to apologize. The world doesn't revolve around me unfortunately.

I had never been hospitalized before, it was very dehumanizing, especially on LSD. But I knew I was finally getting the mental help I desperately needed, so I was very truthful and compliant with my doctors and nurses. I told them all the extensive history of my substance abuse and my depression. I felt very safe at the hospital.

What I learned? I need to fucking take care of myself , stop getting high as an escape. I have ruined myself by tripping so much. Get a life first, then go to the moon, but don't just sit inside your room all day eating pills. The psychonaut lifestyle isn't always a fun one.

Exp Year: 2023	ExpID: 117568
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Oct 4, 2023	Views: 15
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
DXM (22), LSD (2) : Hospital (36), Addiction & Habituation (10), Difficult Experiences (5)